Poetry by LMNOP aka dONW7


AND THIS

And this
And this
And this
And this.

(March 2017)

 

CARE BORES

Care bores
Everyone to
Death.

(March 2017)

 

CUTE SHITTY

Cute's always
Shitty.

(March 2017)

 

GUZZLER

The plink of the
Puzzler in realms of the
Guzzler.

(March 2017)

 

LOUSY OVALS

Sunny the stables
And lousy the
Ovals.

(March 2017)

 

SOUTHERN MOTHER

Thou shalt chair
No other than the runny
Southern mother.

(March 2017)

 

TAMPER PROOF

There's your proof.
Inside the damn
Tamper.

(March 2017)

 

YOUNG AND UGLY

So young.
So ugly.
So young and ugly.

(March 2017)

 

BEENOT

Bee
Not good for
Anything.

(February 2017)

 

FOLLOWSHIP

Those who follow
Fall off the
Ship.

(February 2017)

 

MIGHTY CRUNCHY

There is nothing what
Can complete competition for with
Mighty crunchy.

(February 2017)

 

TAIL OF PRINNITH

The tail of Prinnith
Is only presented
As head of tail
Resumes in
Prinnith.

(February 2017)

 

VERY HIP AND DUMPY

Your hair is
Very hip and dumpy.
Your pad is
Very hip and dumpy.
Your band is
Very hip and dumpy.
Your mind is
Very hip and dumpy.

(February 2017)

 

BEEF TIPS

The tips of beef
Are the loveliest tips,
The loveliest tips
That be.

(January 2017)

 

HAPPY TRAGEDY

Every tragedy
Is happy
Tragedy.

(January 2017)

 

LOTS OF DISAPPOINTMENT

The more disappointment
There is
The more entertaining
There is.

(January 2017)

 

TRACKS OF YO-YO SMITH

Snacks of Tokyo
Riddled in myth.
Tracks of Yo-Yo
Huddled in Smith.

(January 2017)

 

VERY UGLY EVERYONE

The ugly of one
Becomes the ugly of
All.

(January 2017)

 

A NERVE SPLAT

There is splats
Of some pony
In the mind of
Nerve One.

(November 2016)

 

DEAL-A-SQUEAL

Mickey pig.
Mousey pouch.
Britches witches.
Frowny blouse.

(November 2016)

 

MARCH AWAY

Years away.
Months away.
Weeks away.
Days away.

(November 2016)

 

TROUSERS VS. BRITCHES

Trousers and
Britches in the
World without
Stitches.

(November 2016)

 

ZINIZ 7

Ziniz 7.
7 ziniz.

7Z7Z, NZ7.

NZ7.

Ziniz 7.

(November 2016)

 

BLIND

Everyone is
Blind.

(October 2016)

 

ELFLESS

If you've seen
One elf you've
Seen 'em
All.

(October 2016)

 

NORF SOUFF

Norf.
Souff.
Wutt thuh diffunse
Izz?

(October 2016)

 

SHRUB

All you need is
Shrub.

(October 2016)

 

YOU NEVER

You never think.
You never breathe.
You never eat.
You never change.
You never live.
You never move.

(October 2016)

 

MAYBE ONE DAY

Maybe one day
I will make changes in my life.
Maybe one day
I will do the things I always wanted to do.
Maybe one day
Things will magically work out on their own.

But maybe not
Because there are
No days
Left.

(September 2016)

 

I BELIEVE

I believe what
I am taught to
Believe.

(September 2016)

 

BAD BREAD

Bread is
Bad.

(September 2016)

 

PHONYS

Phony is
As phony
Does.

(September 2016)

 

THROWAWAY

Take the things
That matter most and
Throw them all
Away.

(September 2016)

 

COOK AND THROW

Cook a bunch of stuff
And throw it in the
Road.

(July 2016)

 

GOOD AND NICE, REALLY

Let's all be good and
Let's all be nice.
Let's all be really really good and
Really really
Nice.

(July 2016)

 

NOW IS THE PAST

Now is the past and
Then is the future.

(July 2016)

 

ROVER IS BIRD

Rover was once
Dog but now
Rover is
Bird.

(July 2016)

 

WATCHES

Watches don't
Tell time.
Watches don't do
Anything.

(July 2016)

 

POPULAR DUCK

This duck is a
Popular duck.

(June 2016)

 

LO-MEAN

If you can't
Eat your noodles,
Argue with them.

(June 2016)

 

ZIMULAR

Burzelle mundor.
Burzelle pribb.
Pribb nyuleet,
Nyuleet quib.

(June 2016)

 

ALTER EGO

Your cheap
Alter ego
Is shoddy and
Ridiculous.

(April 2016)

 

DIXIE

The cup
Is for what name will call
Dixie.

(April 2016)

 

MORESO

The more you know,
The dumber you
Become.

(April 2016)

 

TIPPY TOP

Top.
Tippy top.
Tippy tippy top.

(April 2016)

 

RED INSIDE

The bird is blue outside.
The bird is red inside.

The bird is green outside.
The bird is red inside.

The bird is black outside.
The bird is red inside.

The bird is red outside.
The bird is red inside.

(April 2016)

 

BABY BABY

Baby
Had baby and then
That baby had
Baby.

(March 2016)

 

HUP

Hup, two, three,
Four.
Hup, two, three,
Four.

(March 2016)

 

MARCH TO HELL

We all
March to Hell.
We all just
March to Hell.

(March 2016)

 

POP POODLE

Poodle is
Popular for
No good
Reason.

(March 2016)

 

WAS NEVER

Never here.
Never there.
Never, never
Anywhere.

(March 2016)

 

AWFULLY AWFUL

Awful.

Awful, awful,
Awful.

(February 2016)

 

GRAIN

Take this
Grain and
Cheese it.

(February 2016)

 

OVENS FOR BOBBY

These ovens
Can only be used by
Bobby.

(February 2016)

 

SATURATED

The nature of
Buffers is triangular and
Fabricated.

(February 2016)

 

WORMY AREA

This area is
Infested by
Worms.

(February 2016)

 

BECAUSE

Just because
You have a sex organ
Doesn't mean you
Have to
Use it.

(January 2016)

 

NEUROFINITE

The distance
Between something and nothing
Is neurotic.

(January 2016)

 

SUSTAINABLE

Nothing is
Sustainable.
Nothing will ever be
Sustainable.

(January 2016)

 

THOUGHTS

No thoughts
Are worth expressing.
No thought should ever
Be given to
Anything.

(January 2016)

 

UGLY SUGAR

Everything's ugly
With sugar on
Top.

(January 2016)

 

YOU DON'T NEED

You don't need food.
You don't need air.
You don't need water.

You just don't need 'em.

(November 2015)

 

CONSUMERS

Everything
That we consume
Now consumes
Us.

(November 2015)

 

NO LIMITS

Conserve and use
As few resources as possible
While no limits are ever set
On how much businesses
Can manufacture.

(November 2015)

 

PRETTY BOTTLE

If the bottle
Is pretty
The product
Must be
Good.

(November 2015)

 

SMARTNOT

People aren't
Very
Smart.

(November 2015)

 

AWFUL

Everything and
Everyone is
Awful.

(October 2015)

 

KNOW NO BETTER

People don't
Know no
Better.

(October 2015)

 

NO SOLUTIONS

There are no
Solutions.

It is better
To endlessly swim around
In a pool of confusion
Than find solutions
For your
Problems.

(October 2015)

 

ROLL OVER

It is better
To die
Than roll over and
Try.

(October 2015)

 

WOOLFNER

Woolfner come
To take.
Woolfner mean
To kill.
Woolfner want
To harm.
Boofner weedle
Skeel.

(October 2015)

 

BEEFER DEEM

Beefer for the
Meef and
Pander for the
Deem.

(September 2015)

 

FOUR WORDS THAT SHOULD NEVER BE USED EVER

Viral.
Smartphone.
Selfie.
App.

(September 2015)

 

MOUND ON RUGS

This is your mound.
This is rugs.
This is your mound on
Rugs.

(September 2015)

 

TYPICAL

Everyone is
Typical.

(September 2015

 

WIMPS

Wimps can't
Think.
Wimps can't
Cope.
Wimps can't
Face the world,
Nope.

(September 2015)

 

BLOP FLOP

The Blop
On Flop
Is Tippety
Top.

(August 2015)

 

DO DON'T DO

People do
What they want to do
And they don't do
What they don't want
To do.

(August 2015)

 

N'MATTER

Matter
Doesn't
Matter.

(August 2015)

 

SUDDENLY NOWHERE

Suddenly here,
Suddenly there,
Suddenly,
Suddenly
Nowhere.

(August 2015)

 

BIG IN A PLANKET

See how transcribe this or from this point.
It's basically a lot of noise
And we'll see what it comes up with.

Here's a blowing up my high hat Riverview deep cut.
Alberdale resume cares possum
All of marriage after.

(June 2015)

 

DOSE

Allen, my Al tower up.
So if you kinda some mail, Carol
Of mood in way, Kyle.

Look router used to,
Pistol out.

L following may error.

(June 2015)

 

LIMA NIBBLE

Slip good last night.
Hope you slept good last night.
I slip it's last night.
I hope you slept good last night.
I was with good last night.
I hope you sleep good last night.
I just looked at last night.
I hope you sleep good last night and
Now we're going to go to
The known since factor.

(June 2015)

 

PURPOSPEROUS

We're at make sound and
See what it comes out to.

Was bags above while if it works,
Okay this.
I'm not certain types a while.
And also big flag matter,
Away at my house.

So I was delayed them at fallible
Or all the less now
Or for moles.

(June 2015)

 

TWANNER

Call me on the Hales day.
Pails hi that this is sure you'll speak to.

Bah.

After now correct night.
Little girl,
At a little obligate it.

(June 2015)

 

VILLY

Make T list of backed off
This Disney issue shoot.
You should move.

(June 2015)

 

YUCKERS

Hi, okay what repeater of llama.
Bye, the immediate area there early.
I'd be in my, I'll be in last.
It's me John F of the a jog lab
And I have a John baba here.

I've got a call back okay.
Bob John ownership glob, happy.
Have even more of a job turned up there.

(June 2015)

 

ACHIEVEMENT

If we
All work together
We can't achieve
Anything.

(April 2015)

 

COLD AND DEAD

The reason you feel
Cold and dead
Inside
Is because you are
Cold and dead
Inside.

(April 2015)

 

TECHNOWORSE

Technology
Makes life
Worse.

(April 2015)

 

STAND UP

When you
Stand up for
What you believe in
You become
Small and
Insignificant.

(April 2015)

 

SPRINGTIME #627

Spring is when
Everything
Dies.

(April 2015)

 

SUNSETS

After the sun sets
This evening it will
Never rise
Again.

(March 2015)

 

FROM WILL

From now on
Blue will be green.
From now on
Orange will be purple.
From now on
Clear will be off white.
From now on
Purple will be red.

(March 2015)

 

IN THE WAY

Cars are in the way.
Trees are in the way.
Animals are in the way.
People are in the way.

(March 2015)

 

OCEANIC

There are twenty-seven oceans,
Four more than were
Originally thought to
Exist.

One was a stream that
Had been neglected.
One was a puddle that
Was never retrieved.
Another was a river that
Never really ran.
The last was a droplet whose
Middle name was
Fran.

(March 2015)

 

HERE IS THE THING

Here is the thing
That you have always longed for.
Here is the thing
That you have dreamed of having for so many years.
Here is the thing
That you have always wanted your entire life.
Now that you have the thing
It is time to
Obsess on a
Different
Thing.

(December 2014)

 

WHAT EVERYONE WANTS

Now I have
What everyone wants
Yet no one seems
Able to find
It.

(December 2014)

 

BUM

Feed the bum.
Help the bum.
Encourage the bum then
Scold the bum.

(December 2014)

 

MUFFS AVEC PINDU

C'et muffs
Avec pindu.

C'et tres muffs
N'pas pindu.

(December 2014)

 

RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU

There it is
Right in front of you.
You cannot see it
Because it is
There.

(December 2014)

 

DO UNTO OTHERS

Treat other people
Like you yourself
Would like to see
Them treated.

(October 2014)

 

GEORGIA OFF MY MIND

Georgia.
The state that
Ain't so
Great.

(October 2014)

 

PURNT

Everything
Don't got to
Have no
Purnt.

(October 2014)

 

REMEMBER WHATEVER

Can't remember
Whatever it was
That happened
Whenever that was.

(October 2014)

 

WITH THOSE WHO IS FORGOT

There is no value for
Maintaining of connection
With those who is
Forgot.

(October 2014)

 

FLUFFY DOPE

The fluffy thing
That was your dope.
Where is it now?
Not nowhere,
Nope.

(September 2014)

 

BUH

You sez
Buh.
Ah sez
Buh-MAH-doe.

(September 2014)

 

JUST LIKE PAPA

You look
Just like Papa.
You scowl
Just like Papa.
You pinch
Just like Papa.
You mrowl
Just like Papa.

(September 2014)

 

QUOTA

Here.
This is your
Quota.
Spend it however you
Like.

(September 2014)

 

YES, YES, NO

Does you liking cheese?
Yes, yes, no.
Does your riding thing working?
Yes, yes, no.
Does you shake up when thirsty?
Yes, yes, no.
Does you say yes twice then no?
Yes, yes, no.

(September 2014)

 

OPERATING SYSTEM

It's neat
How operating systems
Are continually
Changing.

(August 2014)

 

LOVELY DAY

It a lovely day today
And it will be
Another lovely day
Tomorrow.

(August 2014)

 

RATTY RATS

Millions of little
Ratty rats
Running around
In mazes.

(August 2014)

 

A.C.C.

Always
Choose
Confusion.

(August 2014)

 

NUTRITION

It doesn't matter
How nutritious anything
Is.

(August 2014)

 

TAKE

Take and take and
Take and take and
Take and take
And take.

(June 2014)

 

MAGNETS

Magnets
Is good for
Eating.

(June 2014)

 

SCOOT

Scoot. Scoot.
Scoot. Scoot.
Scoot. Scoot.

Scoot.

(June 2014)

 

C IS FOR M

K is for B.
R is for Y.
W is for D.
C is for M.

(June 2014)

 

HELL PRETTY

Hell is
Pretty.
Hell is real
Real pretty.

(June 2014)

 

DOOR

Closing a door
Is the same as
Opening a
Door.

(May 2014)

 

KINGS AND QUEENS

Kings and Queens
Use their power
To treat others
Like dirt.

(May 2014)

 

SHADOW BLIND FOLLOW

All those who follow
Are blind and
Shallow.

(May 2014)

 

WORLD BAD

The world is
Bad.

(May 2014)

 

TARTER SAUCE

If it looks
Like a duck and
Walks like a duck
It's probably
Tarter sauce.

(May 2014)

 

BAND

Everyone is in a band
And they all sound
The same.

(April 2014)

 

DIFFERENTIAL

Our differences
Don't mean
Anything.

(April 2014)

 

PUNCTUATION

Never ever use a period.
Could you please refrain from using question marks?
Exclamation points are the absolute worst!
And never ever end a sentence with a semi-colon;

(April 2014)

 

SPOON SPOT

Ignore the
Spoon spot
And it will go
Away.

(April 2014)

 

WALLY'S HEART

Have a heart.
Have half a heart.
Have three hearts.
Have fifteen thousand six hundred and seventy-seven
Hearts.

(April 2014)

 

SAYS MEOW

The duck says Meow.
The horse says Meow.
The mouse says Meow.
The grocer says Meow.
The antelope says Meow.
The fluid says Meow.
The flower says Meow.
The computer says Meow.
The cloud says Meow.
The stinky says Meow.
The squirrel says Meow.
The cow says Meow.
The world says Meow.

(March 2014)

 

NO BUSINESS

There is
No business.
There never has been any
Business.

(March 2014)

 

B IS FOR C

B is for Bunny.
B is for Bash.
B is for Bouncy.
C is for Cash.

(March 2014)

 

LETTUCE

Minces and pieces
From honesty stems.
The nurses and snickers
Pick holiday pins.

(March 2014)

 

WAGGY McPLEASE

Deem the plow for Waggy McPlease,
Seam all the busters and clusters of now.
Fan up the cow town and dust up the bonnets,
Straw buff the sonnets, for up ton and wow.

(March 2014)

 

CRUMMY OUNCE

An ounce
Of prevention is
Crummy.

(January 2013)

 

MIDDLE EASTER

Everything is fine in
The Middle East.
Everyone gets along in
The Middle East.
Life is easy and carefree in
The Middle East.

(January 2013)

 

THREADBARE MOUSE

The poor little mouse
Just wants a tiny bit of cheese.
The threadbare mouse is begging
For a small crumbling of cheese.
That frail tiny mouse is starving
And needs some cheese to eat.
Help the sad needy mouse
In any way that you
Can.

(January 2013)

 

STOP WORKING NOW

You can stop looking
For work now because
There is a specific job that
Was created just for you.

The job is permanent
And will last
Forever.

(January 2013)

 

AUTUMNTHING

Autumn is
Everything.

(November 2012)

 

KING ONE DAY

You will be
King for a day
And only one
Day.

(November 2012)

 

LOST #5

It is better
To have
Lost.

(November 2012)

 

THE MOCKINGBIRD

Mock mock mock mock
Mock mock mock mock
Mock mock mock mock
Mock.

(November 2012)

 

PORPOISE

God has a
Porpoise.

(November 2012)

 

WAY COUNT

Let me count the ways.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
Ten.
Eleven.
Twelve.
Thirteen.
Fourteen.
Fifteen.
Sixteen.
Seventeen.
Eighteen.
Nineteen.
Twenty.
Twenty-one...

Goddammit. There are just way too many ways to count.

(November 2012)

 

KEY

Understanding
Is the key to
Failure.

(October 2012)

 

BLIND ADMISSION

I think that
I shall never
See.

(October 2012)

 

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG

There's nothing wrong.
There's nothing wrong.
There's nothing wrong.
There's nothing wrong.

(October 2012)

 

PLASTIC SPOON

Would you take
Eleven cents for the
Plastic spoon?

(October 2012)

 

MANDATORY DONATION

The suggested
Mandatory donation is
Twenty-five dollars.

(October 2012)

 

COLE SLAW

Cole slaw
Makes people
Mean.

(October 2012)

 

WORLD AND YOU

When you're dead
The world dies
With you.

(October 2012)

 

MONEY PIGS

Money pigs die
With cash in their
Intestines.

(October 2012)

 

ZEBRAS

Zebras
Will eat
Us.

(October 2012)

 

SNORT ORDER

Order in the
Snort.

(September 2012)

 

MIGHTY NICE MICE

Mice is
Nice.
Mice is mighty
Nice.

(September 2012)

 

LOST BRAINS

Everybody done
Lost they
Brains.

(September 2012)

 

DOT

When you see
The dot you lose
What you
Got.

(September 2012)

 

A MAP

A map don't
Tell you
Nuffin.

(September 2012)

 

DIRECTIONLESSSSS

We needs
A lot less directionless
And a lot more
Explains.

(September 2012)

 

BROW

Her brow were
Wow and her
Braids was
Grazed.

(September 2012)

 

LOOKIE

Lookie thar
At all the damn
Purdees.

(September 2012)

 

INTENDED

Things should never be
Used for the purpose
For which they were
Intended.

(September 2012)

 

WASH WASH

Gosh.
Don't ya'll never
Wash your
Wash?

(September 2012)

 

TWINKLE DAMMIT

Twinkle, twinkle
Little star,
Dammit, dammit, dammit,
Dammit.

(August 2012)

 

FAKE BREAST

There are no
Real breasts.
They are all
Artificial.
Every breast is a
Fake breast.

(August 2012)

 

ABNORMAL

Normal is
Abnormal.

(August 2012)

 

USED/ARE

Things are
Never like they
Used to be because
Things are always
Like they
Are.

(August 2012)

 

INSIDE YOU

You don't
Ever want anything
Living inside
You.

(August 2012)

 

ECO GROAN

Eco, eco,
Eco groan.
Leave the world
Alone.

(August 2012)

 

BREATH DEATH

Shimmering wafers
Of predictive breath
Willow and wander
Toward ultimate
Death.

(August 2012)

 

WAY

Everything is
Boring
In its own
Way.

(August 2012)

 

TEETH

Dig teeth in
And tear away
At warm moist things
For pleasure.

(August 2012)

 

BUTTER BIRD LUNG

Put butter on a bird
And place it on your tongue.
Inhale the bird and butter
Into your left lung.

(August 2012)

 

DECISIONS

There are no good
Decisions.

(June 2012)

 

INHERITANCE

Crummy people have
Inherited the
Earth.

(June 2012)

 

AIR PEOPLE

Folks who care
Are full of
Air.

(June 2012)

 

TEACHERS

Teachers
Are pathetic
Creatures.

(June 2012)

 

OTHER KIDS

All the
Other kids at school are
Stupid.

(June 2012)

 

LIFELESS

Things that are alive
Aren't really
Alive.

(June 2012)

 

CAN'T CAN'T

Those who can't,
Can't.

(June 2012)

 

BACTERIA

Flesh
Eating
Bacteria
Saves lives.

(June 2012)

 

CRUDDY

All
Beliefs is
Cruddy.

(June 2012)

 

ORGANICALS

Add chemicals
To organic
Things.

(June 2012)

 

DO

You
Don't have to do
Anything.

(June 2012)

 

NO CURE

Don't find a cure for
Anything.

(May 2012)

 

BAD SHOE

If the shoe fits
The shoe doesn't fit.

(May 2012)

 

THE BARKING RACE

Those still barking
About racism in the
Twenty-first century
Might consider finding
A new tired hypocritical subject
To bark about.

(May 2012)

 

HATE AND LOVE

Hate and love
Are one and the same
The more you allow them
Into your
Veins.

(May 2012)

 

COMPREHENSIVE

Everything
Everyone
Does is
Stupid.

(May 2012)

 

PENNYCARE

Show someone you
Care.
Give them a
Penny.

(May 2012)

 

BALL STOP

Stop playing with
Balls.

(May 2012)

 

DOLL STOP

Stop playing with
Dolls.

(May 2012)

 

PLAY STOP

Stop
Playing.

(May 2012)

 

PAST PRESENT

The future
Did not
Exist.

(May 2012)

 

WEASEL CONTRADICTION

The monkey
Did not chase
The weasel and
The weasel
Did not
Pop.

(May 2012)

 

HAMSTER

Love is the
Hamster.

(May 2012)

 

SEATTLE

Whatever happened
To Seattle?
Everyone moved to
Portland.

(May 2012)

 

OWN STOP

Stop owning
Things.

(May 2012)

 

LITTLE RIBBONS

Little ribbons
That show you care
Really prove
That you are
Square.

(April 2012)

 

TUNA FISH SOCK

Today I used
One of my dirty socks
To wipe old tuna fish salad
Out of a plastic
Bowl.

(April 2012)

 

INSPIRATION

Inspiration is
Dull and
Unremarkable.

(April 2012)

 

PLENTY

There's plenty of
Time like the
Present.

(April 2012)

 

CARE

If you care
No one else
Will.

(April 2012)

 

TINY LAP

The lap
Of luxury
Is a tiny little
Lap.

(April 2012)

 

WORDS SUBHUMANS USE

Top.
Bottom.
Daddy.
Bear.
Cub.
Hot.
Playful.
Woof.
420.
Kinky.
Poppers.

(April 2012)

 

NEAR

The
Near
Is
Near.

(April 2012)

 

BISEXUAL

When you meet a bisexual
You should run away
Fast.

Run away, run away, run away
Fast.

Run away, run away, run away, run away, run away, run away,
Run away
Fast.

(April 2012)

 

KILL U.

What doesn't kill you
Will kill you.

(April 2012)

 

MAGIC WONDER

Praise the Magic Wonder.
Marvel at the Magic Wonder.
Follow the Magic Wonder.
Support the Magic Wonder.
Grow tired of the Magic Wonder.
Then cover the Magic Wonder
With dirt.

(March 2012)

 

SISSY LIKE BOBO

Sissy say he like Sheleika.
Sheleika say she like Fraz.
Fraz say he like Bo-Twink.
Bo-Twink say she like Bobo.
Bobo say he jass
Dono.

(March 2012)

 

AND YOU CAN SMILE

It will rain for months and months
And you can smile.
A small child will get run over by a very large truck
And you can smile.
Earthquakes will cause cities to fall
And you can smile.
Animal species will all become extinct
And you can smile.

And you can smile.
And you can smile.
And you can smile.
And you can smile.
And you can smile a big happy smile.

Civilization will completely decay
And you can smile.
The human race will dry up and blow away
And you can smile.

(March 2012)

 

CARE ABOUT THINGS

Why do people
Care about
Things?

People should not
Care about
Things.

(March 2012)

 

KINKY

People who are
Kinky are real
Grotesque and
Stinky.

(March 2012)

 

UNIQUE AND SPECIAL

Do you know
How unique and
Special you are?

Not very much.
Not very much
At all.

(March 2012)

 

PROODI KAWMLA FI

Li proodi.
Li fa proodi teel,
Teel fractir bik.

Bik fa groi,
Groi kawmla.
Kawmla fi
Proodi.

(March 2012)

 

HIDDEN MESSAGE

You cannot
Read what is not
There.

(March 2012)

 

EXPENSIVE NOTHING

Them what is
Driving of
Expensive car
Is person worthy
Of to receive
Mean and hateful
Behavior.

(March 2012)

 

YOU DON'T EAT

You don't eat
When you
Die.

(March 2012)

 

THE AMERICAN AWAY

The American Way
Is to throw it
Away.

(February 2012)

 

SCHOOL #6

The worst thing
That can happen
To a child is
School.

(February 2012)

 

BIG AND SMALL

When you're small
The world seems big.
When you're big
The world seems small.

(February 2012)

 

COLLECTING

You think
You're collecting
Things that matter but
You're really just collecting
Junk.

(February 2012)

 

UNIQUE AND SPECIAL

There is nothing
About you that is
Unique and
Special.

(February 2012)

 

FIRST

Women
And children
Will be the
First to
Die.

(February 2012)

 

MIRACULOUS

When everything
Is a miracle
Nothing is
A miracle
Anymore.

(February 2012)

 

IMPORTANT LIFE

Life
Is not very
Important.

(February 2012)

 

RACE ISSUE

Funny how people
Say that race
Shouldn't be an issue
When they've made it the
Biggest issue
Of all.

(February 2012)

 

BELIEVABILITY

How can you
Believe in anything
When there's nothing
To believe
In?

(February 2012)

 

LOVELY RARE BIRD

A lovely rare bird
Descended from the sky
Gliding on the cool gentle breeze
But then it died
And rotted.

(January 2012)

 

JIMMY CRACKED CORN AND I DO CARE

Jimmy cracked corn
And although I honestly do not
Want to care there is
A part of me deep inside
That just cannot help
Caring no matter how
Hard I try.

So while I would like to say that
I do not care I would be
Lying because in actuality
I really do.

(January 2012)

 

BETSY ROSS

Betsy Ross was a witch.
A horrible old witch.
A horrible old ugly witch with
Boils.

(January 2012)

 

JOHN AND MARTIN

John F. Kennedy and
Martin Luther King
Were engaged in anal sex
For a period of
Six months and
Twenty-two
Days.

(January 2012)

 

RING FINGER

The ring
On your finger
Is meaningless and
Trashy.

(January 2012)

 

HELL IS GREAT

Hell is a
Great place where
Lotsa cool stuff is
Always happening.

(January 2012)

 

RULES OF THE GAME

Whoever wins loses.
Whoever loses
Wins.

(January 2012)

 

JUST REWARD

Those who live
Good lives and
Do all the right things
Will suffer needlessly
And endure neverending
Pain.

(January 2012)

 

JACK AND JILL 2012

Jack and Jill
Couldn't find the hill
Because they left their
GPS at home.

(January 2012)

 

TYPICAL U.S. CITIZEN

The typical U.S. citizen
Used to be a person
Of reasonable intelligence
With money, a home, a job,
Morals, and manners.
Now the typical U.S. citizen
Is a whiny obese junk food eating
Pill popping loser with a
Grubby hand extended
Demanding a
Handout.

(January 2012)

 

FUTURE #2

Our children are
Our future.
Fuck the future.

(November 2011)

 

POD GIG

God is a
Pig.
Welcome the pig
Into your
Heart.

(November 2011)

 

SERIOUSLY

Don't take anything
Seriously.

(November 2011)

 

FAT CHILDREN

God loves
Fat children.

(November 2011)

 

LOST HUMOR

We have lost
Our sense of humor
Along with everything
Else.

(November 2011)

 

SAME FACES

All faces
Look the same.
All faces
Look exactly the
Same.

(November 2011)

 

DOWNER

Love makes
The world go
Down.

(November 2011)

 

WANTS

It's lots better
To want things
No one else wants
Than to want things
Everyone else
Wants.

(November 2011)

 

EITHER WAY

When you take drugs
Nothing matters.
When you don't take drugs
Nothing matters.

(November 2011)

 

WARHORRIBLE

In the future
Everyone will be
Horrible for
Fifteen minutes.

(October 2011)

 

FERMENTED CHEESE WHIZ

Religion is
A big wad of fermented cheese whiz.
Our children are
A big wad of fermented cheese whiz.
The environment is
A big wad of fermented cheese whiz.
All charities are
A big wad of fermented cheese whiz.
Endangered species are
A big wad of fermented cheese whiz.
Your most cherished thoughts and emotions are
A big wad of fermented cheese whiz.

(October 2011)

 

LIVED

It is better
To have not lived
Than never to have
Lived at
All.

(October 2011)

 

BULLYNEAT

Bullying is
Kinda neat.
It teaches kids
To stand on
Their own two
Feet.

(October 2011)

 

OLD LEATHER

Old guys
In leather would
Look better in
Caskets.

(October 2011)

 

REMEMBER #7

Can't remember
Anything.
Don't want to remember
Anything.

(October 2011)

 

WITNESS

If a witness
Witnesses something and
No one is around to
Witness it
Did the witness really
Witness anything?

(October 2011)

 

HOLE IS

Home is where the
Hole is.
Home is where the goddamn
Hole is.

(October 2011)

 

HEAD THINGS

The things in your head
Should stay in your
Head.

(September 2011)

 

LOST WON

Better to have lost
Than to have
Won.

(September 2011)

 

AREN'T

When there are more things you
Aren't than you are
It's time to say
Goodbye.

(September 2011)

 

PROBLEM FREE

No physical problems.
No mental problems.
No financial problems.
No real problems
At all.

(September 2011)

 

DR. PURPOSE

Doctors serve no real
Purpose.

(September 2011)

 

DEAD WISH

Ding Dong
Your wish is
Dead.

(September 2011)

 

TAMPER

Tamper with things
That are supposed to be
Resistant.

(September 2011)

 

ENEMY ENEMIES

The government is the
Enemy.
Teachers are our
Enemies.
Families are our
Enemies.
Children are our
Enemies.
Mankind is the
Enemy.

(September 2011)

 

BEA CUNT

Aunt Bea was a
Cunt.

(September 2011)

 

OPTIMOUT

Optimism
Has a way of
Burning out
Fast.

(September 2011)

 

HANDSOME GUYS

Handsome guys
Are ugly
Inside.

(September 2011)

 

PRETTY GIRLS

Pretty girls
Are dumb like
Squirrels.

(September 2011)

 

INVENTED #2

Nothing
Has ever been
Invented.

(September 2011)

 

THINKER

People don't
Think because
People can't
Think.

(September 2011)

 

MEANINGTHING

When you don't have anything
Anything means
Everything.

When you already have everything
Nothing means
Anything.

(August 2011)

 

DIES WINS

He who dies
Wins.

(August 2011)

 

WHITNEY KIDNEY

Donate your kidney
To Whitney.

(August 2011)

 

NOT MANY

There aren't very many
People in the
World.

(August 2011)

 

DOSE OF REALLY

Things are not going
To get any
Better.

Really.
They're not.

(August 2011)

 

GLASSLESS

The glass isn't
Half empty or
Half full.
There is no
Glass.

(August 2011)

 

NOTHINK

You can't make people
Think.

(August 2011)

 

PIXIE STIX

A picture
Isn't worth any
Words.

(August 2011)

 

ONE

Although I've always
Been one
I've never ever
Felt like one
And have always
Wished I wasn't
One.

(August 2011)

 

BRIGHT REJECT

You should be
Bright enough to
Reject.

(August 2011)

 

IT'S DEAD

Social networking is
Dead.

(August 2011)

 

A THOUSAND PICTURES

Words are
Worth a thousand
Pictures.

(August 2011)

 

DOING

Anything worth doing
Isn't worth
Doing.

(July 2011)

 

SKIRRITATING

Somewhere
Over the rainbow
Skies are
Irritating.

(July 2011)

 

NOT REAL

I want to be
Real but I never
Will be.

(July 2011)

 

GOOD DEED

No good deed
Goes nowhere.

(July 2011)

 

BUTTONS

Pushing peoples' buttons
Is like playing the piano.
Practice makes
Perfect.

(July 2011)

 

ALWAYS TIME

There's always enough
Time.

(July 2011)

 

BOOK JUDGE

You can
Judge a book
By its
Cover.

(July 2011)

 

EVERYNOTHING

Everything
Means
Nothing.

(July 2011)

 

UNREASONABLE

Be unreasonable.
Everyone else
Is.

(July 2011)

 

DIFFERENT DIFFERENCES

Our differences
Are what make us
Different.

(July 2011)

 

LEFT OVERS

If people wouldn't
Leave things there
Wouldn't be any
Left overs.

(July 2011)

 

ME RIGHT

It's always easy
For me to see
How wrong everyone else is
Because I'm always
Right.

(July 2011)

 

CANDY COATED

Nice and normal on the
Outside.
Harsh, sick, and alienated on the
Inside.

(July 2011)

 

REVOLVE EVOLVE

The world revolves
Around those who fail to
Evolve.

(July 2011)

 

FUTURE NEVER

The future
Never happened.

(July 2011)

 

PROBLEM / SOLUTION

Being part of the
Problem is ten times
More interesting than being
Part of the
Solution.

(July 2011)

 

STRENGTH AND WISDOM

Lord give me the
Strength to shit and fuck
And give me the wisdom
To know the difference
Between the
Two.

(June 2011)

 

MORALITY FORCE FEED

Force your morals
Down everyone else's
Throats.

(June 2011)

 

ALWAYS GIVE UP

Let the hard times
Bring you down.
Always give up.

Let the everyday stresses of life
Ruin your day.
Always give up.

When life is so bleak that it seems
Things will never get any better,
Always give up.

(June 2011)

 

FOCUS

Focus on the
Negative.

(June 2011)

 

BEFORE

You can't do anything
That hasn't been done
Before.

(June 2011)

 

DON'T LISTEN TO

Don't listen to your parents.
Don't listen to your teachers.
Don't listen to anyone.

(June 2011)

 

NATURAL HATE

I hate
The clouds in the sky.
I hate
Plants and animals.
I hate
Rivers and streams.
I hate
Everything that is beautiful.

(June 2011)

 

SEE

If you can't see it
It isn't
There.

(June 2011)

 

PLATTER #2

When you don't care
About anything nothing
Really matters.

(June 2011)

 

BLEMISH

God's a
Blemish.

(June 2011)

 

JEALOUS

I'm jealous of people
Whose lives have meaning.
I'm jealous of people
Who believe in things.
I'm jealous of people
Who have real three-dimensional friends.
I'm jealous of people
Who I have no reason to be jealous of.

(June 2011)

 

COULD HAVE BEEN

I could have been something
But I ended up not being anything.
I could have been successful
But I failed at everything I did.
I could have been happy
But I chose to be alienated and miserable
Instead.

(June 2011)

 

ECO-GRANNY

I saw an old
Eco-Granny
At the local
Health food store.
I hated the
Eco-Granny
For everything that
She stood
For.

(June 2011)

 

APATHETIC JOKE

Knock knock.

Who cares?

(May 2011)

 

ANIMAL LOVER HATER

If you don't
Love animals then
We hate
You.

(May 2011)

 

UNISTUPID

Anything that you say is
Stupid.
Anything that you do is
Stupid and
Anything that you think
Is stupid.

(May 2011)

 

PEOPLE TRASH

Use them and
Throw them
Away.

(May 2011)

 

DISPOSABLE

Men are disposable.
Women are disposable too.
Children are disposable too.
Animals are disposable too.

(May 2011)

 

WASTE CONTRADICTION

I can waste
Everyone else's time but
No one should waste
Mine.

(May 2011)

 

SO-SO NETWORK

So-So Network.
So-So Shitwork.
So-So Phonywork.
So-So Goddamnnetshitphonywork.

(May 2011)

 

ASSHOLE POTATO

Have an asshole
With your
Potato.

(May 2011)

 

JUDGEMENT #2

Anyone who says
They don't judge others
Is a liar.

(May 2011)

 

HOW STUPID CAN PEOPLE BE?

How stupid can people be?
Very stupid.
Very stupid.
Very, very, very stupid.

(May 2011)

 

BIRDHAND BUSH

A bird is a
Hand is a
Bird is a
Bush.

(April 2011)

 

LESSON #7

Any lesson to be
Learned is a
Lesson that's not worth
Learning.

(April 2011)

 

HUMANITARIANS

Humanitarians are
Retards.

(April 2011)

 

GRANOLA INSERTION

Insert a
Granola Bar
Into your
Rectum.

(April 2011)

 

CHANGE #2

You can't change
The world.
You can't change
Anything.

(April 2011)

 

SKIN COLOR

Your skin
Is an ugly
Color.

(April 2011)

 

ACTIVE UP

Activists
Fuck the world
Up.

(April 2011)

 

CAN'T DON'T

You can't say
Something good about
Anyone so
Don't.

(April 2011)

 

UGLY OLD BITTIES

Ugly Old Bitties
Were once
Beautiful Young Pussies
But now they're
Ugly Old Bitties.

(April 2011)

 

LIBERTY AND BOSCO FOR ALL

Share some Bosco
With the people
Who made you
A fucker.

(April 2011)

 

DREAMLESS

You can't live out
Your dreams
So let everyone
Tell you
You can't.

(April 2011)

 

WEATHERBAD

Weather is
Bad.

(April 2011)

 

CAUSE

People with a cause
Are people without a
Cause.

(March 2011)

 

GO SEE A DOCTOR

Don't lose weight on your own,
Go see a doctor.

Don't heal yourself because you can,
Go see a doctor.

Don't eat right and exercise to stay fit,
Go get pills from a doctor.

If no one else will listen to you
Whine and complain,
Pull out your checkbook,
And go see a doctor.

(March 2011)

 

PRETEND PLACE

There's a very special place
We all go when we die.
It's high in the sky
Way up above the clouds.
It's beautiful and it's peaceful and
It's all in your mind.

(March 2011)

 

DEMOCRATIC CANCER

Democracy spreads like
Cancer because
Democracy is
Cancer.

(March 2011)

 

FACEBOOK P.F.N.

All hail the
Phony Friend Network.
Let's all compete to see
Who can accumulate the most
Phony Friends.

(March 2011)

 

TEXTING TYPING

Texting is
Typing so don't call
Typing
Texting.

(March 2011)

 

LETDOWN

Everyone will
Always let you
Down.

(March 2011)

 

MORE THAN NOT ENOUGH

The world is
Tiny and huge and
There's more than not
Enough room for
None of us
On it.

(March 2011)

 

WHERE THE YELLOW WENT

You'll wonder where
The yellow went
When you wonder
Where the yellow
Went.

(March 2011)

 

BLESSED MAN

Blessed is the man
Who gets fucked up
When he can.

(March 2011)

 

MANTRA

My parents didn't love me.
I was born because they were
Drunk and horny.
I'm just like millions of other
Carbon copy morons
All over the world.

Repeat fifty times until it sticks.

(March 2011)

 

BOY SCOUT

Learn lots of dumb skills
That will never ever in a million years
Be of any use to you
As an adult.

(March 2011)

 

CLEANLINESS

Cleanliness
Isn't next to
Anything.

(February 2011)

 

LEMON CAKE THEORY

For every action
There is an equal but opposite
Nice fresh slice of
Lemon cake.

(February 2011)

 

CHUCK CHUCK

How much chuck
Would a chuck chuck chuck
If a chuck chuck
Could chuck
Chuck?

(February 2011)

 

INSECURE BORDERS

Our borders are insecure.
Our borders will always be
Insecure.

(February 2011)

 

NOTHING INSIDE

There is nothing
Inside you.
There is nothing
Inside you
At all.

(February 2011)

 

SPIRIT CLEANER

When you die
Your spirit
Cleans toilets.

(February 2011)

 

THIRTY-FIVE YEAR POET

After thirty-five years
Writing these damn things
You'd think there would be
Some point
To it all.

(February 2011)

 

EQUALIE

Equality is a
Lie.

(February 2011)

 

DOG PHONE

Paddy whack.
Give the dog
A phone.

(February 2011)

 

CANCER BABIES

All babies are
Cancerous.

(February 2011)

 

PENIS TRUST

A man with
A small penis
Is a man who can't be
Trusted.

(February 2011)

 

FLORIDA BREAST JUICE

A woman
With breast implants
Is like a day without
Sunshine.

(February 2011)

 

"YO, YO-YO."

Greeting to a
Toy.

(February 2011)

 

LOOK DOWN LOOK UP

Look down
At the people
You look
Up to.

(February 2011)

 

CORPORATIONS #3

Corporations are your friends.
They really care about you.
They don't just want your money.
They don't do socially conscious things
In order to manipulate gullible people.
Corporations are your friends.
They really do care about you.

(January 2011)

 

DADDIES

Leather daddies.
Muscle daddies.
They're not really daddies
At all.

(January 2011)

 

BLAME #2

Your parents
Are to blame
For everything.

(January 2011)

 

BEAR TRUTH #7

Women bear children
Because they feel lost and
Alone.

(January 2011)

 

GREEN RIVER

If you say the word "green"
One more time you will be
Stuffed in a bag and
Thrown in the
River.

(January 2011)

 

CHARITY CHARITY

Charity is
Fake generosity.

(January 2011)

 

DECEMBER FOOLS DAY

December Fools Day
Has come and gone once again.
It will repeat itself next year of course...
Because there will always be
Fools in the
World.

(January 2011)

 

LIFESTYLES

All lifestyles are
Bad.

(January 2011)

 

UCKY

People are ucky.
You should hate them.

(January 2011)

 

QUITTING TIME

Quitting school
Is the best thing
You can do.

(January 2011)

 

UNIVERSITY

The universe
Would be better
If we weren't
In it.

(January 2011)

 

Q

Get rid of
The letter
Q.

(January 2011)

 

ZIPPERS

Zippers cause shivers
And paranoid
Quivers.

(January 2011)

 

WHAT IT STANDS FOR

(L) ick
(M) y
(N) asty
(O) ld
(P) ussy.

(January 2011)

 

LAP UP FAT

Lap up fat.
Lap it up.
Lap up some goddamn
Fat.

(December 2010)

 

FABRIDERM YOUR BOOSIE

Allocate your shakers.
Initiate your rate of stake.
Emulate your roller skate and
Fabriderm your boosie.

(December 2010)

 

INNER PEACE

Inner peace.
The ultimate
Lie.

(December 2010)

 

PREJUDICE

Prejudice is a
Wonderful thing.
It is natural and
Normal.

(December 2010)

 

HON

Hey hon.
Love you, hon.
Marry me, hon.
Getting tired of you now, hon.
Met someone smarter and more attractive than you, hon.
So long, hon.

(December 2010)

 

WURFLISS BALLS

Your balls used to
Mean so much.
Now they don't mean
Anything.

(December 2010)

 

FEEDING LIES

Your parents are feeding you
The same dumb lies
That they were fed
When they were
Young.

(December 2010)

 

HAPPY HOLIDAY DINNER

Have a happy holiday dinner.
Chew and thrust muscles
From a dismembered dead bird
Down your throat.

(December 2010)

 

ARTIFICIAL INTERCONNECTEDNESS

Let's all marvel at our
Artificial interconnectedness.
Let's type to one another all the time.
Let's share cute snippets of information.
Let's keep each other aware of lots of things
That don't really matter.
Let's all marvel at our
Artificial interconnectedness
While the realities of our daily lives
Slowly drip away and
Dissolve.

(December 2010)

 

IN SEARCH OF PRETTY

Looking under rocks and stones.
Where is Pretty?
Digging holes that never ever end.
Where is Pretty?
Flying across continents and
Running in the rain.
Where oh where is Pretty?
Driving real fast and
Never losing hope.
Where oh where is
Pretty?

(December 2010)

 

SCRAPING OFF REMAINS

Fly a kite in the park.
Then scrape the remains off your shoes.
Take the kids out for a hike.
Then scrape off the remains.
For every happy event
There are always unpleasant things attached.
The majority of our lives will forever be spent
Scraping off remains.

(December 2010)

 

LESS HOPE MORE HATE

We need less hope in the world
And a lot more
Hate.

(December 2010)

 

DON'T

Problem:
Don't ask.
Don't tell.

Solution:
Don't join.
Don't join.

(November 2010)

 

TINY INSIGNIFICANT NOTHINGS

We are all just
Tiny insignificant nothings.
The birds in the sky are just
Tiny insignificant nothings.
Our computers and electronic devices are just
Tiny insignificant nothings.
Our laws and our governments are just
Tiny insignificant nothings.
Our thoughts and our feelings are just
Tiny insignificant nothings.

(November 2010)

 

REPEAT AFTER ME

There are plenty of places like home...
There are plenty of places like home...
There are plenty of places like home...
There are plenty of places like home...
There are plenty of places like home...
There are plenty of places like home...

(November 2010)

 

YOU WON'T

You won't live.
You won't die.
You won't
Anything.

(November 2010)

 

GRANNY

Dump your granny
In the ditch.
Damn your granny,
Dumb old witch.

(November 2010)

 

SHITTY CITY

Every city is a
Shitty city.

(November 2010)

 

TEN TIMES STUPIDER

Our children's children
Will be ten times stupider
Than we are.

(November 2010)

 

THE PLEDGE OF SHIT

I pledge shit to the shit
Of the united shit.
And to the shit for which it shits,
One shit, under shit, indivisible...
With liberty and justice
For shit.

(November 2010)

 

YOUR REAL

Your friends aren't your real friends.
Your job isn't your real job.
Your family isn't your real family.
Your interests aren't your real interests.
Your home isn't your real home.
Your thoughts aren't your real thoughts.

(October 2010)

 

GOD AWFUL

God is
Awful.

(October 2010)

 

FUTURE CHILDREN

If our children
Are our future
Then we have
No future.

(October 2010)

 

ANYTHING WORTH DOING

Anything worth doing
Isn't worth
Doing.

(October 2010)

 

MORALYSIS

Morals are for
Sissies.

(October 2010)

 

NEED PEOPLE

People who need
People are
Shitty.

(October 2010)

 

SNORT

Snort two things.
Snort ten things.
Snort one hundred things.
Snort one million things.

(October 2010)

 

BASTARD REACTOR

Sit on your front porch and
React like a
Bastard.

(October 2010)

 

FAT UGLY CUNTS

Fat ugly cunts
Blaming their fuck ups
On everyone else.

(October 2010)

 

NATURE IS A SHITTY THING

Nature is a shitty thing.
A shitty, shitty, shitty thing.
Nature is a shitty thing.
And it always will be.

(September 2010)

 

ALL OVER THE WORLD

Ugly stupid people
All over the world.
Eating one anothers' shit
All over the world.

(September 2010)

 

SCREW THE ECO GREENIES

Combat the eco freaks.
Grab extra plastic bags for no reason.
Throw perfectly good clothing in the garbage.
Use more energy than you need.
Support companies that pollute.
Never re-use anything.

(September 2010)

 

NO GOOD ANYONE

There is no good
In anyone.

(September 2010)

 

BOLOGNA TREAT

Wipe your ass
With a slice of bologna.
Then eat the bologna.

(September 2010)

 

HILLBILLY FREAKS

Hillbilly fuckers are
Simultaneously irritating and
Hilarious.

(September 2010)

 

NO HELP

If you come across someone
Who desperately needs your help
Don't help them.

(September 2010)

 

R WORD / N WORD

Don't say retarded.
Don't say nigger.
Don't say retarded.
Don't say nigger.

(September 2010)

 

HEAVENLY POTHEADS

The angels in the
Sky
Just want to get
High.

(September 2010)

 

PASS IT ON

Pass your bad habits onto your children.
Pass your lack of ambition onto your children.
Pass your countless addictions onto your children.
Pass your desire to destroy your own children
Onto your children.

(September 2010)

 

PRETTY HAIR

She has really pretty
Hair.
Too bad she's a
Cunt.

(September 2010)

 

ALL THE PRETTY FAMOUS PEOPLE

All the pretty famous people
Telling us what to do.
All the pretty famous people
Showing us how we should look.
All the pretty famous people
Teaching us how we should think.
All the pretty famous people
Laughing at us behind our backs
While they rake in the
Cash.

(September 2010)

 

NOSY MARY

Mary had a little nose
She filled it up with speed.
And everywhere that Mary went
Her nose would start to bleed.

(September 2010)

 

NETWORKING DELUSION

Isn't it cool
How we all feel
So interconnected
While in actuality
We're just becoming
More and more
Isolated.

(September 2010)

 

EARTHLY IDEA

Destroy the earth.
It's no good
Anyway.

(September 2010)

 

BETTER CRIMES

Crimes are better
When they are motivated
By hate.

(September 2010)

 

HELPING HURTS

Helping other people
Hurts other people.

(September 2010)

 

SPAY THE NEUTER

Spay the neuter
Out of your
Pet.
Spay the neuter
Out of your goddamn
Pet.

(August 2010)

 

LIKE CEREAL

Like cereal.
Very much like cereal yes.
Cereal very good.
Cereal what is
Liking to
Eat.

(August 2010)

 

 

SELL YOUR BABY #3

Sell your baby and
Use the money
To buy
Drugs.

(August 2010)

 

 

PUMP YELLER

Yell when you pump iron.
It makes you seem much
Stronger than you really
Are.

(August 2010)

 

 

WORSE FOR THE WEATHER

Hot weather is bad.
Cold weather is bad.
Just right weather is even
Worse.

(August 2010)

 

 

AIR VIEW BACK

Smack when you eat.
Eat when you smack.
Crack when you bleat.
Neat air view back.

(August 2010)

 

 

TOCKER

Take a taxi.
Tote a tootsie.
Tear a tabby.
Teach a tocker.

(August 2010)

 

 

STUPIDVERSITY

Learn to appreciate the
Stupid in others.
Our stupid is what makes us
Unique.

(August 2010)

 

 

GREEN SHEEP

Silly stupid green sheep...
Bleating and farting all over one another
So that they can waste their money
On the latest greatest environmentally friendly
Hoax.

(August 2010)

 

 

VOTED

Never voted ever
And never ever
Will.

(August 2010)

 

 

MEDICATED WIPES

Wipe your pussy with
Special medicated pads
So that it won't
Stink.

(August 2010)

 

 

TURTLE EGG MOVERS

Dumb retards
Moving turtle eggs around
So that they will have a better chance
Of survival.

(August 2010)

 

 

WINDOW WATCHER

Get up.
Look out window and
Think about how stupid world is.
Go to bed.
Get up next morning and
Repeat.

(August 2010)

 

 

LET THINGS GO

Let things go.
Who cares if they have
Sentimental or monetary value?
Sheesh, they're just things.
Let them go.

(August 2010)

 

 

NOPOEM

This no
Poem.

(August 2010)

 

DISINTEGRATING STRING QUESTION

I don't want to put my dog's life in the hands of a stranger
(i.e., a veterinarian who is just after my hard-earned money)
So I searched on the internet and found a web site
That pretty much shows you how to perform a spay operation.
I already have some sedatives that should
Keep the dog knocked out for at least a couple of hours.
The only thing I need to get hold of is some of that string--
The kind that disintegrates inside the animal after the cut parts heal.
Does anybody know how to get hold of this stuff?

(July 2010)

 

DISINTEGRATING STRING RESPONSE

First of all, very few veterinarians are in it for the money.
Second, you found a website that "pretty much shows" the steps involved in a spay?!
Are you insane?!!!!
You do not cut open your own animal!
You don't have a sterile environment, so how are you going to keep them
From getting an infection?
How are you going to know if they have an infection,
And what would you do about it?
Find some herbs and treat them yourself?
Not to mention, you are NOT trained for this procedure!
What are you going to do?
Hope that you pull out the right thing?
Third, disintegrating string? Seriously?
If you do not know what it is called, should you really be performing a surgery?
Fourth, how do you know that you won't overdose your animal on sedatives?
Again, you are not trained in this procedure.
What do you do if the heart stops?
Would you even notice?!
You better hope I never find out who you are
Or the humane society will be on your ass so fast
Your head will spin.
Maybe you need to suck it up and take them to the vet
Instead of doing it on your kitchen table!!!

(July 2010)

 

COEXIST

Living together peacefully,
Side-by-side.
Living a lie like idiots,
Side-by-side.

(July 2010)

 

I LOVE YOU THERE

I love you
When you aren't
There.

(July 2010)

 

PRETTY DAMN SPOT

Let's find a
Pretty damn spot.
Let's stay in the
Pretty damn spot.
Let's enjoy the
Pretty damn spot
Forever.

(July 2010)

 

LIQUIDITY

Determine your liquidity.
See how long it takes
For you to turn into a
Liquid.

(July 2010)

 

MESSAGE TO THE WORLD

Screw all you
Stupid shitty people
All over the goddamn
World.

(July 2010)

 

EVERYTHING #7

Everything that
Everyone does
Is stupid.

(July 2010)

 

POLITICS 101

Don't elect anyone
Who tells the truth
And then complain
Like retards when
Elected officials
Lie.

(July 2010)

 

RETARD #3

In order to retard others
You must first learn
To retard yourself.

(July 2010)

 

GOD FUSSY

In God
We can't trust.
Over God
We fuss.

(July 2010)

 

ABSTINANCE

Abstinance is not an
Option.

(July 2010)

 

NAPKIN HOLDER

Beauty is in the
Side of the
Napkin holder.

(July 2010)

 

PRAYAIR

Pray to the
Air.

(July 2010)

 

OUR CHILDREN WILL PAY

Our children will pay
For our financial blunders.
Oh well.
Ain't got no goddamn children anyway
So fuck it.

(July 2010)

 

OFF MY MIND

At first I never noticed you.
Now I can't get you
Off my mind.

(July 2010)

 

COURTS

Courts are stupid places
Where stupid people
Try to sort out their
Stupid problems.

(July 2010)

 

LAUGH LEADERS

Laugh at our leaders.
Our stupid, stupid leaders.
Laugh at our stupid, stupid
Leaders.

(June 2010)

 

THINGS MEAN

Little things
Don't mean
Anything.

(June 2010)

 

WORLDLY

World of hate.
World of lies.
World of retards.
World of idiots.

(June 2010)

 

BIRD SAMMICH

Put a bird
On a bun
And eat it.

(June 2010)

 

HUMPTY'S BORING WALL

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
That's all he ever did.
He just sat on a goddamn
Wall.

(June 2010)

 

DIVERSE DISCUSSION

Let's discuss how great
Diversity is while its
Devastating effects cause our
Country to crumble and
Decay.

(June 2010)

 

FATHERISH

All children will
Grow up to be
Just as disillusioned and lost
As their fathers.

(June 2010)

 

SMALL ELECTRONIC DEVICE

Small electronic device
Help you stay in touch with
Nothing.

(June 2010)

 

ADMISSION OF NEGATIVITY

The negative barrage
Will keep them away.
Don't want fame.
Don't want it,
No way.

(June 2010)

 

NO LIKE

No like business.
No like government.
No like organization.
No like anything.

(June 2010)

 

LIFE AND NATURE

Life and nature,
Shitty like you.
Life and nature...
Shitty like you.

(June 2010)

 

OILY GROOVY

See the birds.
See the beautiful birds.
See the beautiful birds covered with oil.
The birds are more beautiful when they are covered with oil.

See the shoreline.
See the beautiful shoreline.
See the beautiful shoreline covered with oil.
The shoreline is more beautiful when it is covered with oil.

See the fish.
See the beautiful fish.
See the beautiful fish swimming in oil.
The fish are more beautiful when they are swimming in oil.

(June 2010)

 

NAMES AND MATTER

Names of things don't matter.
Names of places don't matter.
Names of people don't matter.
They just don't matter.

(May 2010)

 

BLIND IS THE SAME AS RETARDED

Blind is the same as
Retarded.
It is the exact same
Thing.

(May 2010)

 

IF WE ALL WORK TOGETHER

If we all work together really, really hard
We can make our dreams come true.
If we all work together really, really hard
We can change the world.
If we all work together really, really hard
We can be certain that we are wasting our
Time.

(May 2010)

 

NO BRIGHT SIDE

How can anyone look at
The bright side when there
Is no bright
Side?

(May 2010)

 

FUCKOLUTIONISM

Was it creationism?
Or evolution?
Fuck it.

(May 2010)

 

CELEBRITY CONCERN

When celebrities travel
To other countries
To help unfortunate victims
Of natural disasters
While the cameras are rolling
You know there is something
Wrong.

(May 2010)

 

FINGER BONES

Slice your hands open
And remove the
Bones.

(May 2010)

 

UNINTENDED ACCELERATION

We didn't mean for things
To get so shitty
So fast.

(May 2010)

 

CONGREGATION LESSON

Stay away from
Wherever people
Congregate.

(May 2010)

 

MIND AID

Put a band aid
On your
Mind.

(May 2010)

 

OLD HIPPY FARTS

Now that
Old hippy farts
Are in control
Everything is more fucked up
Than ever before.

(May 2010)

 

CONSERVATIVES AND LIBERALS

Conservatives are shitty and
Liberals are shitty too.

(May 2010)

 

BEAT SHIT

Beat the shit
Out of something.

(May 2010)

 

ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTERS

Devastating environmental disasters
Are threatening to destroy
Our planet.
La la la la la la la la...
Big deal.

(May 2010)

 

STRANGE ENEMIES

Strangers are
Just enemies we
Haven't met
Yet.

(April 2010)

 

WHY YOUR PARENTS GO TO CHURCH

Your parents go to church
Because they are simple and
Dull.

(April 2010)

 

QUEST

The quest for knowledge
Is a stupid
Quest.

(April 2010)

 

HUFFING

Huffing makes you cool.
Huffing makes you smart.
Huffing makes you stronger.
Huffing makes you better.

(April 2010)

 

DELUSIONAL

Things will get better.
You can make a difference.
People are inherently good.
There really is a God.

(April 2010)

 

DUCK AND COVER #2

Duck and cover.
Health care reform.
Duck and cover.
Global warming.
Duck and cover.
Environmentally friendly.
Duck and cover.

(April 2010)

 

WHERE IT COMES FROM

The water you drink comes from
Sewage treatment plants.
The beef that you eat
Comes from genetically modified cornfed cows.
The clothes you wear
Were made by malnourished children.
Your cool electronic gadgets
Were built by robots
Who don't give a damn about you.

(April 2010)

 

ECO GREEN #3

Eco. Green.
Retarded. Stupid.
Eco. Green.
Sheep. Uneducated.
Eco. Green.
Don't think.
Follow the leaders.

(April 2010)

 

SHOULD NOT MIX

People of different classes
Should not mix.
People of different religions
Should not mix.
People of different genders
Should not mix.

People should not mix.
People should not mix.
People should not mix.

(April 2010)

 

FLIMSY

All thing
Flimsy.
All thing always
Flimsy.

(April 2010)

 

CLOTHES LINE

Clothes manufactured
By people who are abused,
Mistreated, and underpaid
Just look and feel
Better.

(April 2010)

 

WEDDING #5

A wedding is a social event
Where two people shit
While their friends and relatives
Watch them shit and
Give them presents.

(April 2010)

 

ANYTHING BUT A MOUSE

Mickey Hamster.
Mickey Chicken.
Mickey Giraffe.
Mickey Monkey.
Mickey Donkey.

(March 2010)

 

RETARDED #2

Retarded has always been
A great word but now it's
An even better
Word.

(March 2010)

 

OBESITY

You is what you is.

(March 2010)

 

TTT

Toto too.
Tootoo toe.
Toe too toe.
Toe tootoo.

(March 2010)

 

PARENTAL ADVICE #3

Your parents don't know
Anything.
They are a total and complete
Blank.

(March 2010)

 

NEKKID

Nekkid people everywhere
And not a drop to
Drink.

(March 2010)

 

SELF-IMAGE #4

Look in a mirror.
Stare at your face.
Notice your shitty hair and
Consider how ugly you are.

(March 2010)

 

THE TINY APOLOGY DILEMMA

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

I'm not really sorry.

(March 2010)

 

HIGH AND DIE

Get high and
Watch things
Die.

(March 2010)

 

OLYMPICS #7

Olympics.
Shitty fucking
Olympics.
Shitty fucking goddamn retarded
Olympics.

(March 2010)

 

PROUD FAT ASS

Be proud of your fat.
Be proud of your ass.
Be proud of your
Big fat
Ass.

(March 2010)

 

FUBLE

Nana fuble,
Fuble da lo.
Inker dis mino.
La fuble de
Klo.

(March 2010)

 

TWO HOUSES

Two houses are
Better than
One.

(March 2010)

 

HARK STINK

Hark the Herald Angels
Stink.

(March 2010)

 

BAD PARTIES

Democrats are bad.
Republicans are bad.
Independents are bad.
They're all
Bad.

(February 2010)

 

WRONG #6

Something is wrong.
Something always has been wrong and
Something always will be
Wrong.

(February 2010)

 

NATURE #22

Plants are ugly.
Trees are ugly.
Mountains are ugly.
Oceans are ugly.
The sky is ugly.

(February 2010)

 

BETTER PEOPLE

People would be
Better off
Dead.

(February 2010)

 

GET A BREAK

Families and couples always get a break.
Everyone who doesn't deserve it is
Always getting a goddamn break.
Single people have it harder than anyone
And yet they never ever
Get a break.

(February 2010)

 

YOU CAN DRUG

You can drug your spouse.
You can drug your children.
You can drug your friends.
You can drug your workmates and
You can drug yourself.

(February 2010)

 

GETTING WORSE

Things are getting worse.
Things will continue
To get much much
Worse.

(February 2010)

 

WEEKENDS AND WEEKDAYS

Weekends are shitty.
Weekdays are only slightly
Better.

(February 2010)

 

NO GOOD PRESIDENT

There has never been a good president
And there will never be a good president.

(February 2010)

 

POLLUTE

Pollute it up, Hell...
You might as
Well.

(February 2010)

 

HAPPY HELPERS

People helping other people.
Disgusting.

(February 2010)

 

SCIENCE #3

Science is a waste of time.

(February 2010)

 

HAHA

Our country is going to Hell.
Haha.

(February 2010)

 

UNSTOPPABLE

We hate you all
And there's nothing you can do
To make us stop
Feeling this
Way.

(February 2010)

 

GOD'S ANGELS

God's Angels want
To kill us.
They want to see us
Dead.

(February 2010)

 

ONE WORLD NOT ONE

The more the world becomes One
The less I want to be
One.

(February 2010)

 

BEAR PHILOSOPHY

Fat and ugly is
Beautiful.

(January 2010)

 

TERRIBLE RHYTHM

All rhythm is
Terrible rhythm.

(January 2010)

 

CIGARETTE

Cigarette no causing
Cancer.
Cigarette is okay for
Healthy.

(January 2010)

 

SHEEP SLEEP

Now I lay me
Down to sleep
Just like other
Goddamn sheep.

(January 2010)

 

SEARCH

Search and search
And search and search
And search and search
Then die.

(January 2010)

 

CHERISH IS THE WORD

You don't know how many times I've wished that I could rape you.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could kill you.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could cut you up.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could eat you.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could shit on you.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could bury you.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could burn you.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could dismember you.
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could freeze you.

(January 2010)

 

JACK AND JILL #32

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
Became disillusioned and
Never came down.

(January 2010)

 

JACK AND JILL #74

Jack and Jill
Took little pills
That filled them both with
Laughter.
Jack came down
Which made him frown
And Jill came down
Right after.

(January 2010)

 

IRRELEVANT DREAMS

Your dreams are irrelevant.
Your parents' dreams are irrelevant.
Your grandparents' dreams are irrelevant.
Your great grandparents' dreams are irrelevant.

(January 2010)

 

PONTIAC

She drove a Pontiac.
She was bound and gagged in a Pontiac.
She was fatally stabbed in a Pontiac.
She was buried in a Pontiac.

(January 2010)

 

REMASTER

How many times
Can something be remastered?
Over and over and
Over again.
Over and over and
Over again.
Over and over and over and
Over and over and over and
Over again.

(December 2009)

 

RELIGIOSITY

Muslims are shitty.
Christians are shitty.
Baptists are shitty.
Atheists are shitty.
Catholics are shitty.
Lutherans are shitty.
Agnostics are shitty.
Buddhists are shitty.

(December 2009)

 

HUMAN SPIRIT

The power of the human spirit.
The power of the human spirit.
The power of the human spirit.

Screw the human spirit.

(December 2009)

 

VINYL UPS AND DOWNS

Everyone used to love vinyl.
Then everyone hated vinyl.
Now everyone loves vinyl again.
But in the very near future
Everyone will hate vinyl
Again.

(December 2009)

 

OPRAH'S LUNCH

Oprah reaches around
To her big fat behind and
Scoops out a handful of
Fresh warm feces.
She stuffs the feces into her
Hungry fat jowels.
Then she belches and
Farts.

(December 2009)

 

JUAN AND PEDRO

Fuck you Juan.
Eat shit Pedro.

(December 2009)

 

STRAIGHT TALK

Don't save the planet.
To hell with the environment.
Let children get sick and die.
Pray for more pain and suffering.

(December 2009)

 

BIRD FEEDER

When we die
Birds eat
Us.

(December 2009)

 

GOD'S SMILE

God likes to
See us fail because
It makes him
Smile.

(December 2009)

 

YOUR STUPID

Your stupid home.
Your stupid job.
Your stupid hobbies.
Your stupid friends.
Your stupid automobile.
Your stupid haircut.
Your stupid money.

(December 2009)

 

BEAT MEDICAL

Beat a dead horse then
Beat a dead fish then
Beat a dead mammal then
Beat a dead medical.

(December 2009)

 

DECLARATION OF VALUE

The Declaration of Independence
Isn't worth anything because
It doesn't mean
Anything.

(December 2009)

 

LINCOLN #10

Abraham Lincoln was a
Wurfliss ol'
Bitch.

(December 2009)

 

CONTRADICTION #27

It's wrong
To hate people because of
The color of their
Skin but it's okay
To hate them if they
Have a different
Point of
View.

(November 2009)

 

DAMMIT PUSSY

The dammit pussy
Lives in a perpetual circuit
And evolves.

(November 2009)

 

THE SOURCE OF SHITTY

The world is shitty because
People are
Shitty.

(November 2009)

 

HEALTH DON'T CARE

Health don't care.
Health never did
Care.

(November 2009)

 

GIGGLER

A people don't bleed
When you cut it.
It giggles.

(November 2009)

 

EXPIRE

Foods expire.
Drugs expire.
Fires expire.
Amplifiers expire.

(November 2009)

 

DON'T READ

Don't read.
Stupid people
Read.

(November 2009)

 

BE THERE

Be there in a second.
Be there in a minute.
Be there in an hour.
Be there in a month.
Be there in a year.
Be there in a decade.
Be there next century.

(November 2009)

 

YOU'RE NOTHING

When you're three you're nothing.
When you're ten you're nothing.
When you're sixteen you're nothing.
When you're twenty-five you're nothing.
When you're forty you're nothing.
When you're eighty you're nothing.
When you're one hundred you're nothing.

(November 2009)

 

I KNOW

I know there is no place called Heaven.
I know we don't go anywhere when we die.
I know that Jesus doesn't love me because
I know he never existed.
I know there is no God.

(November 2009)

 

CHOOSEY MOTHERS CHOOSE #327

Choosey mothers choose
Human trafficking.

(November 2009)

 

NURSE

Nurse whatever you can
Get your mouth
Around.

(November 2009)

 

WORTH

Life isn't
Worth
It.

(November 2009)

 

CONTRADICTION #12

It's cute to get smashed but
It's irresponsible to get
Fucked up.

(November 2009)

 

UNITED

Divided we fail.
United we fail.

(November 2009)

 

HATE CRIMES

Hate crimes
Are an acceptable form of
Self-expression.

(November 2009)

 

ACTORS AND ACTRESSES #3

Actors and actresses
Are boring people.
Boring, boring, boring
People.

(November 2009)

 

DON'T MATTER

Your arms don't matter.
Your legs don't matter.
Your teeth don't matter.
Your head don't matter.

(October 2009)

 

FLUFFY DUMP

Love your
Fluffy
Dump.

(October 2009)

 

BOTTLE

Spin the bottle.
Break the bottle.
Date the bottle.
Irritate the bottle.

(October 2009)

 

HAPPY TIME

Now is a very happy time
And everything is good.
Every day is a happy day
When things go as they
Should.

(October 2009)

 

COOL TALL GRASS

Grass is tall,
Grass so cool.

(October 2009)

 

ALCOHOL #43

Alcohol.
The shittiest drug
Of all.

(October 2009)

 

FAMILY BURN

If your house catches fire
Stay inside with
Your family
And burn.

(October 2009)

 

ZOOS

Zoos aren't anywhere
That they are.
Zoos ain't anything
That they is.

(October 2009)

 

YOU GO

You go nowhere
When you are
Alive.

You go nowhere
When you
Die.

(October 2009)

 

BRAG

People who brag
Brag about nothing
Worth bragging
About.

(October 2009)

 

LIKE BEAT LIKE

You can beat your pets.
You can beat your spouse.
You can beat your children.
You can beat anything you
Like.

(October 2009)

 

MATHMATTER

Math don't
Matter.

(October 2009)

 

END RESULT

When people pray
Bad things
Happen.

(September 2009)

 

TRASH

Throw trash
Everywhere.

(September 2009)

 

BLOODLESS

Stop donating
Blood.

(September 2009)

 

LINES

There are no boundaries to
Anything.

(September 2009)

 

INFANTICIDE

Mothers kill their babies
Because they
Can.

(September 2009)

 

SWINE FLU

People get Swine Flu
Because they're
Pigs.

(September 2009)

 

LIMP

The world is
Limp.

(September 2009)

 

UNIVERSHITTY

Everyone wastes
Their time in
College.

(September 2009)

 

HOT END

If you heat your butt
You will die.

(September 2009)

 

THE SOUND OF DEATH

Music died a
Long time
Ago.

(September 2009)

 

SICK CHUCKLE

Laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh
Then throw up all over
Yourself.

(September 2009)

 

HURT

Hurt the one you're
With.

(September 2009)

 

FAR FROM FRESH FOOD

Food is never fresh and
Neither are the people
Who sell it.

(September 2009)

 

UGLY COLORED PEOPLE

The white person is ugly.
The black person is ugly.
The brown person is ugly.
The yellow person is ugly.

All people are ugly
Regardless of their
Color.

(September 2009)

 

BIRD

Capture a bird and
Remove its
Wings.

(August 2009)

 

AN EXAMINED LIFE

A life worth living
Is a life that isn't
Worth examining.

(August 2009)

 

STRONG BONES

PCP builds strong
Bones.

(August 2009)

 

BEAR THEN AND NOW

A bear used to be
A sexy hairy chunky guy.
Now a bear is
Any generic obnoxious overweight sissy
With a beard.

(August 2009)

 

OFFERING

Give your child's soul
To the Devil.

(August 2009)

 

SAWGY DAWGY

Beat your leaf.
Beat your grief.
Beat your greeter.
Beat your heater.
Beat your sawgy
Little dawgy.

(August 2009)

 

DREAMTIME

Dreams are a waste
Of time and
Energy.

(August 2009)

 

MY CHILDREN

My children.
My children.
My stupid fucking
Children.

(August 2009)

 

DAY

Make your day by
Ruining someone else's
Day.

(August 2009)

 

KICK

When the baby kicks
Kick it back
Hard.

(August 2009)

 

SIT

Sit down for what
You believe in.

(August 2009)

 

FUNNIES

When things go wrong it's
Funny.
When things get sick it's
Funny.
When things die a slow and intensely painful death
It's very, very
Funny.

(July 2009)

 

LANES

Change lanes.
Pump really good drugs
Into your
Veins.

(July 2009)

 

ABANDON

God rewards those who
Abandon their
Children.

(July 2009)

 

FIST

A man who enjoys
Having a fist rammed up his rump
Is a man who deserves to be
Dumped.

(July 2009)

 

BLANCHE'S CHAIR

But cha are,
Blanche...
Ya are in that chair.

(July 2009)

 

MOTHERS CHOOSE MOTHERS

Choosy mothers choose
Choosy mothers.

(July 2009)

 

KITCHEN

If you can't stand the kitchen
Get out of the
Kitchen.

(July 2009)

 

N GOD

N God we trust.
Over God we fuss.
N God we confuse.
Over God we re-use.
N God we relate.
Over God we agitate.

(July 2009)

 

STOP

Stop going to work.
Stop driving your car.
Stop answering your phone.
Stop communicating with your friends.
Stop drinking.
Stop eating.
Stop living.
Stop.

(July 2009)

 

EVIL LIVERS

Deliver our
Livers from
Evil.

(July 2009)

 

THE LIEST NUMBER

Two is the oneliest number.
Five is the tenliest number.
Three is the sevenliest number.
Twelve is the thirtyliest number.
Nine is the two hundredliest number.
Three thousand nine hundred seventy one is the
Fourteenliest number.

(July 2009)

 

SPANKS

Jesus spanks
Those who spank
Themselves.

(July 2009)

 

DEFORMITY

Deformity
Is in the eye of the
Beholder.

(July 2009)

 

WHITE GIRLS SMELL

White girls smell
Bitter.

(July 2009)

 

TOYS

He who dies
With the most toys
Dies with the most
Toys.

(July 2009)

 

CONCEPT

Hate is a concept
By which we measure our
Love.

(July 2009)

 

FACE IT

If you don't discriminate
Then you must be
Retarded.

(July 2009)

 

BELONGINGS

Your belongings will
End up being a
Tedious reminder
Of what a boring life
You led.

(July 2009)

 

DISEASES

Diseases please those
Who please
Themselves.

(July 2009)

 

MIDNIGHT TONIGHT

The world will stop at
Midnight tonight.

(July 2009)

 

MAMA CASS INVENTION

Mama Cass invented the
Ham sandwich.

(July 2009)

 

RICHARD GERE INVENTION

Richard Gere came up with
The idea of gerbil
Insertion.

(July 2009)

 

MICHAEL JACKSON INVENTION

Michael Jackson came up with
The idea of letting your nose die
First.

(July 2009)

 

NIP IT

Nip it in the bud.
Nip it in the blood.
Nip it in the sink.
Nip it in the pink.
Nip it in the couch.
Nip it in the pouch.
Nip it in the dud.
Nip it in the crud.

(July 2009)

 

A LEETLE PRAIR

Orr Blothrr
Hartinn hebbin
Allo beethie naam
Enleeduss nottin tootimp tayshuh
Budduliveruss frumeevll
Forthie issuh kingduh annuh
Powuh annuh blurry
Furrier ann furrier
Oven.

(July 2009)

 

DISGUSTING HABITS

Smoking is a disgusting habit.
Poking is a disgusting habit.
Croaking is a disgusting habit.
Choking is a disgusting habit.
Bloating is a disgusting habit.
Roaming is a disgusting habit.
Foaming is a disgusting habit.
Lo Mein is a disgusting habit.

(July 2009)

 

MAN GIRL

Shit like a
Girl.
Fart like a
Man.

(July 2009)

 

JUMP UP AND DOWN

Jump up and down
And have some fun.
Jump up and down
Today.
Jump up and down
And have some fun
Like the motherfucking shithead
Of a retard that you
Are.

(June 2009)

 

COOKS

Too many cooks
Cook too
Much.

(June 2009)

 

PANTS

Pull up your pants
And shit real
Hard.

(June 2009)

 

NUDITY

Nudity sucks.

(June 2009)

 

YOUR PART

Do your part
To help fuck up the
World.

(June 2009)

 

EVERYONE IS EATING SHIT TODAY

Everyone is eating shit today
Just like they did
Hundreds of
Years
Ago.

(June 2009)

 

SISSY THINGS

Grab hold of all your sissy things
And cram them
Somewhere.

(June 2009)

 

LOVE IS

Love is hate.
Hate is love.

(June 2009)

 

THE HANDOUT SOCIETY

So...your business is about to fail
Because you made poor business decisions?
Here, have some money so that you can
Stay in business.

So...your home is going to be foreclosed
Because you purchased a more expensive home than you could afford?
Here, let us help you lower your payments so that you can
Stay in your home.

So...you have no money now
Because you spent it all rather than save for a rainy day?
Here, have some money so that you won't have to work at all
For the next few months.

So you made wise business decisions,
Bought a home you could afford,
And saved your money?

Sorry...you get NOTHING.

(May 2009)


DEMOCRACY

Democracy used to be a
Good thing.
Now democracy is a
Bad thing.
A very, very bad
Thing.

(May 2009)

 

U.S.A. (United States of Awful)

America is
Shitty.

(May 2009)

 

SWINE FLU

Go swine flu go.
Knock 'em down and
Take 'em away.
They weren't worth a goddamn
Anyway.

(May 2009)

 

WIFE BEATER

A man who beats
His wife
Is a man who has
A good life.

(May 2009)

 

SMARTS

Drugs make you
Smarter.

(May 2009)

 

GOOD FOOD

Shit in your food.
Then eat your
Food.

(May 2009)

 

NO NO YES

Are people inherently good?
No no no.
Is conservation important?
No no no.
Should you trust anyone?
No no no.
Is it better to destroy than create?
Yes yes yes.

(May 2009)

 

BIG BLUE BONNET

Goddamn the world
And all the people on it.
Everybody sucks like a
Big blue bonnet.

(April 2009)

 

HAVE A NICE DAY

Have a nice day
Ugly smelly retards.
Have a nice day
Generic mindless sheep.
Have a nice day
Stinking shitty children.
Have a nice day
Everyone.

(April 2009)

 

LAME

Governments are lame.

Lame is the name
Of the game.

Technology is lame.

Lame is the name
Of the game.

The sky is lame.

Lame is the name
Of the game.

Animals are lame.

Lame is the name
Of the game.

Meemaw is lame.

Lame is the name
Of the game.

(April 2009)

 

PUMP A DEAD THING

When you're sad and all alone,
Pump a dead thing.

When the world starts to get you down,
Pump a dead thing.

You can pump a dead thing
Every day of your life.
You can pump it forever
Because it feels nice.

(April 2009)

 

STUPID MORE STUPID

Stupid people are
More stupid and
More stupid are
Stupid people.

(April 2009)

 

Wii Wii

We couldn't afford
To buy our son a Wii
So we gave him a
Wii Wii instead.

(April 2009)

 

LET YOUR BALLS HANG OUT

Let your balls hang out,
And flap in the breeze.
Balls need space too
In varying degrees.

(March 2009)

 

PREGNANT AND SELFISH

The pregnant woman
Is a selfish
Woman.

(March 2009)

 

CLOSE

People close their eyes and
People close their ears.
They're freaked out by
Truth because it
Preys upon
Their fears.

(March 2009)

 

DISH

Slop food
On a dish
And eat off the goddamn
Thing.

(March 2009)

 

YOU DON'T REALLY MATTER

You think that you are unique.
You feel that you are imporant.
The quicker you face the truth
The quicker you will feel better.
You don't really matter.

(March 2009)

 

SPLATTERED

Your wall done got splattered.
Your clothes done got splattered.
Your pet done got splattered.
Your head done got splattered.

(March 2009)

 

BABIES RABIES

People who have babies
Might as well have
Rabies.

(February 2009)

 

FOLK ART

Folk art means
Bad art.

(February 2009)

 

HATE IS COOL

Hate is cool.
Hate is really cool.
Hate is really, really, really
Cool.

(February 2009)

 

CUT UP KIDS

Cut up with your kids.
Cut up your kids.
Cut up kids.

(February 2009)

 

NICE HOMELESS HELPERS

People who help the
Homeless are
Shitheads.

(February 2009)

 

PARENTAL ADVICE

Don't be like
Your mother and
Father.

(February 2009)

 

GODDAMN WASTE OF TIME

Occupations are a goddamn waste of time.
Hobbies are a goddamn waste of time.
Friends are a goddamn waste of time.
Charities are a goddamn waste of time.
Exercise is a goddamn waste of time.
Vacations are a goddamn waste of time.
Love is a goddamn waste of time.
Eating is a goddamn waste of time.
Breathing is a goddamn waste of time.
Living is a goddamn waste of time.
Everything is a goddamn waste of time.

(January 2009)

 

ANXIETY

Education causes anxiety.
Generosity causes anxiety.
Pets cause anxiety.
Housework causes anxiety.
Health causes anxiety.
Haircuts cause anxiety.
Doctors cause anxiety.
Sex causes anxiety.
Eating causes anxiety.
Francine causes anxiety.

(January 2009)

 

KINDNESS DON'T COUNT

In this great big world
Kindness don't count.
You can give and help and give but
Kindness don't count.

(January 2009)

 

SISSY DOUGHNUT

Have a sissy doughnut
With cream cheese on the top.
Eat the sissy doughnut
With a pile of pygmy slop.

(January 2009)

 

YES WE CAN'T

Can we do better?
Yes we can't.
Can we make a difference in our lives?
Yes we can't.
Can we be any more gullible than we already are?
Yes we can't.
Can we learn from our mistakes?
Yes we can't.

(January 2009)

 

MAKE A DIFFERENCE

You can try to make a difference
But in the big scheme of things
The difference you make
Will be negligible.

(November 2008)

 

JENNY DOESN'T LIKE IT

Jenny doesn't like it
But she doesn't say anything.
Jenny doesn't like her friends
But she still hangs around with them anyway.
Jenny doesn't like her life
And yet she doesn't
Do a damn thing
About it.

(November 2008)

 

NO FIX

If it is broken
Don't fix it.

(November 2008)

 

IGNORANCE

There is no problem
So big
That it cannot be
Ignored.

(November 2008)

 

UP DOWN

The economy is up.
The economy is down.
Things are looking up.
Things are looking down.
Gas prices are up.
Gas prices are down.
Intelligence is down.
Intelligence is down.
Intelligence is way, way
Down.

(November 2008)

 

no caps

in the future
all letters will be lower case
for fifteen
seconds.

(November 2008)

 

SHUT THE...

Shut the hell up.
Shut the fuck up.
Shut the damn up.
Shut the bucket up.
Puck the fluckit cup.
Plup the shuckit flup.
Shut the flea-infested fairy dog in Arkansas
Up.

(November 2008)

 

KICKS

Kicks just keep getting
Harder to find
So you might as well stop
Looking for them.

(November 2008)

 

BOYS AND GIRLS

Which is better,
Boys or girls?
Boys are bad.
Girls are bad, too.
Boys and girls are both
Bad.

(November 2008)

 

TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY COMMANDMENTS

Thou shalt not vote.
Thou shalt not give to charities.
Thou shalt not go green.
Thou shalt not listen to (c)rap-hop.
Thou shalt not wear teeny tiny little glasses that make thou look like thou is a sissy.
Thou shalt not pierce thyself anywhere.
Thou shalt not help those less fortunate than thouself.
Thou shalt not do anything that all the other
Twenty-first century sheeple
Do.

(November 2008)

 

NOWHERE, MAN

There is a place
We all go when we die.
There is a place
Where there is no crime and no hate.
There is a place in the sky where
We will all live in harmony.
That place is
Nowhere.

(November 2008)

 

GIVE AND EAT

You have to give
In order to receive.
You have to eat
In order to defecate.

(November 2008)

 

JESUS AND THE LAMB

Jesus had a little lamb,
He chained it to his truck.
He dragged it for one hundred miles
And then said,
"That's enough."

(November 2008)

 

PENNY PEOPLES

Pennies don't matter none
And neither does
Peoples.

(November 2008)

 

SHE SHIT

She shit and shit and shit and shit
And then she shit some more.
She shit on Christmas,
Green and red.
She shit on New Year's
In her bed.

(October 2008)

 

INTENT

Words only hurt
Those who allow them
To have the effect
For which they are
Intended.

(October 2008)

 

CLOUD LINING

Every cloud has a
Green lining.
Every cloud has an
Enamel lining.
Every cloud has a
Blinding lining.
Every cloud has an
Asbestos lining.

(October 2008)

 

MAMMY'S LITTLE UNGRATEFUL BABY

Mammy's little baby hates
Mammy.

(October 2008)

 

PEOPLE ARE SO GREAT

People are so great.
They never let you down.
People are so great.
They never ever lie.
People are so great.
They always learn from their mistakes.
People are so great.
They make you feel ashamed
To be a people.

(October 2008)

 

DOUBT

When you begin
To doubt yourself
You are on the road
To recovery.

(October 2008)

 

PATRIOTISM

Be real proud of your
Shitty goddamn
Country.

(October 2008)

 

TONIGHT

I wish I may
I wish I might
Watch you fry in Hell
Tonight.

(October 2008)

 

YEAH, RIGHT

Everyone is unique and different
In their own special way.
Yeah, right.
There really is a God.
Yeah, right.
You have to believe in something.
Yeah, right.
You must be extremely unhappy.
Yeah, right.

(October 2008)

 

GOOD GLOBAL WARMUP

The quicker things
Heat up and die
The better.

(October 2008)

 

DON'T JUDGE DO JUDGE

Don't judge people because of
The color of their skin.
Don't judge people because of
Their religion.
Don't judge people because of
Their sexual orientation.
Oh hell,
Go ahead and judge 'em.
Everyone else
Does.

(October 2008)

 

STILLBORN TWINS FAIRY TALE

Once upon a time
They were both born
Dead.

(October 2008)

 

DON'T VOTE

Every vote counts
And that is the
Problem.

(October 2008)

 

WISHY WASHY

When you wish upon a star
Nothing happens.

(October 2008)

 

HURRICANE

Hurricane blew my
Kids away.
Thank you
Hurricane.

(September 2008)

 

FAMILY-ORIENTED ENTERTAINMENT

Family-oriented entertainment
Is entertainment that is
Bland and
Boring.

(September 2008)

 

TO BROADWAY

Give my regards to Broadway.
Give my leotards to Broadway.
Give my cigars to Broadway.
Give my bowel movements
To Broadway.

(September 2008)

 

OSTRICH

Here an ostrich.
There an ostrich.
Everyone's an
Ostrich ostrich.

(September 2008)

 

SHIT TO THE MUSIC

Okay everybody,
Lemme hear you.
Put your hands together now.
Okay lemme hear you
Shit to the music.
I can't hear you,
C'mon everybody.
All together now.
Shit to the music.

(September 2008)

 

LET THEM EAT CRAP

Crap is what
They are hungry for so
Let them eat it.

(September 2008)

 

NOMO HOMO NOMO

No more homosexual in
World no more.
They very tiring things
So decision was making for
Shut them out.
Phony artificial lifestyle
No longer have ability
To infect total and
Perfect reality.
Now when homo near
We no make eye contact
And only speak
When absolute for
Necessary.

(September 2008)

 

TOILET BABY

Wash your baby
In the toilet.
Use feces for soap
And use urine
To rinse.

(September 2008)

 

I WANNA HOLD

I wanna hold your hand.
I wanna hold your liver.
I wanna hold your spinal cord.
I wanna hold your lungs.
I wanna hold your tongue.
I wanna hold your intestines.

(September 2008)

 

BITCHES AND BASTARDS

Bitches teach.
Bastards play sports.
Bitches cook.
Bastards drink beer.
Bitches embrace diversity.
Bastards donate to charities.

(September 2008)

 

TURN INTO SHIT

Animals turn into shit.
Plants turn into shit.
Clouds turn into shit.
People turn into shit.

(September 2008)

 

GO TO THE BATHROOM

Go to the bathroom
In your hand.
Go to the bathroom
In your shoe.
Go to the bathroom
In Japan.
Go to the bathroom
In Peru.

(September 2008)

 

TV

Your TV will never
Stop working because
Your TV never started
Working.

(August 2008)

 

PRAY HARD

If you pray too hard
Your balls will fall
Off.

(August 2008)

 

NEVER FORGET

Never forget
What you cannot
Remember.

(August 2008)

 

WORK

Work is
Imaginary.

(August 2008)

 

LIVE AND DIE

Live your life
Then die.

(August 2008)

 

FLUSH FRIENDS

Flush your friends
Down the
Drain.

(August 2008)

 

LOVE TO EVERYONE

Goddamn nature.
Goddamn space.
Goddamn animals.
Goddamn the human race.

(August 2008)

 

HAPPY DUMMIES

Millions and millions of
Happy dummies greedily swallowing
All the idiotic crap that is shoved down
Their stupid goddamn throats.

(August 2008)

 

MEAT SANDWICH

Put something dead
On a piece of bread
And eat it.

(August 2008)

 

HOW TO HAVE FUN WITH A DEAD PERSON

1. Locate one person.
2. Make the person dead.
3. Have fun with the person.

(August 2008)

 

EAT AND EAT

Eat and eat and eat and eat
And eat and eat and eat.

Then fart and vomit and
Shit.

(August 2008)

 

CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN

Change we can believe in.
Change we can believe in.
Change we can believe in.

Change mindless sheep too stupid to know any better
Can believe in.

(August 2008)

 

FINEST

Wear the finest clothes.
Drive the finest cars.
Live in the finest neighborhoods.
Associate with the finest people.
Deteriorate into the
Finest particles.

(August 2008)

 

HEY KIDS!

Hey kids!
God is bad for you!
Don't let Mommy and Daddy
Lure you into believing the same old sad
Lies that drive their crummy lives.

After all, you know better...
And so should they.

God is really bad for you, kids!
Very, very bad!

(August 2008)

 

IN THEIR OWN WAY

Everyone is beautiful
In their own way.
Everyone is uniquely different
In their own way.
Everyone is kinda lost and indifferent
In their own way.
Everyone would be better off dead
In their own way.

(August 2008)

 

JESUS DYED

Jesus dyed his hair
For your sins.
Jesus dyed his eyebrows
For your sins.
Jesus dyed his mother's underarm hair
For your sins.
Jesus dyed his pubic hair
For your sins.

(June 2008)

 

BLOOD IS

Blood is black.
Blood is blue.
Blood is purple.
Blood is green.

(June 2008)

 

WILL OF THE PEOPLE

The will of the people is
Wrong.
The will of the people has always been
Wrong.
The will of the people will always be
Wrong.

(June 2008)

 

EMBRYO

Kill the evil that
Lives inside
You.

(June 2008)

 

BABY TALK

How could anyone not hate
Babies?
They're ugly.
They smell like shit.
And they grow into
Adults.

(June 2008)

 

HOW

How do you do.
How do you don't.
How are you.
How are you not.
How is everything.
How is nothing.

(June 2008)

 

ENOUGH

No matter
How many people die
In natural disasters
It will never be
Enough.

(June 2008)

 

NUMB AND NUMBER

One plus one is one.
Two plus two is two.
Three plus three is three.
Four plus four is four.

(June 2008)

 

IGNORANCE

Ignorance was genuine
In the past.
People were truly
Naive.
Over the years ignorance
Evolved.
Now people know better
But they choose to
Ignore it.

(June 2008)

 

OVER

You can get over anything
If you live long
Enough.

(June 2008)

 

CAPITAL

The capital of Massachusetts is
Miami.
The capital of Texas is
Maryland.
The capital of Australia is
Romania.
The capital of Japan is
Frosted Nugget.

(June 2008)

 

EYE CONTACT

Don't look anyone
Straight in the eye.
If you do they will
Pull you into their
Confused little universe
And you will be imprisoned there
Forever.

(June 2008)

 

FOLLOW

Don't follow your
Dreams.
Don't follow anything.

(June 2008)

 

STAR

When you wish
Upon a star
You are wasting your
Time.

(June 2008)

 

APPLE

An apple a day
Makes the doctor
Put on a big ol' frilly skirt
And twirl around in circles
Like a retarded goddamn
Ballerina.

(May 2008)

 

CUT OFF

Cut off your arms.
Cut off your legs.
Cut off your head.
Cut 'em all off.

(May 2008)

 

RELIGIOSITY

Religion causes
Cancer.

(May 2008)

 

HEAT

Carry a gun to
School.

(May 2008)

 

GOAT INVENTIONS

The road to
Happiness is paved with
Goat inventions.

(May 2008)

 

SOULS

All the millions upon millions
Of lost souls in the world.
Fuck 'em.

(May 2008)

 

SPORT

Throw the ball.
Catch the ball.
Run after the ball.
Drop the ball and
Cry.

(May 2008)

 

WIVES

All men are turned
Off by their
Wives.

(May 2008)

 

LITTLE OLD

Little old ladies
Smell like little old
Babies.

(May 2008)

 

WIPE YOUR ASS

Wipe your ass with your hand.
Wipe your ass with your driver's license.
Wipe your ass with your money.
Wipe your ass with your birth certificate.
Wipe your ass with your family photographs.
Wipe your ass with your social security card.
Wipe your ass with your computer.
Wipe your ass with your cell phone.
Wipe your ass with your children.
Wipe your ass with your mailbox.
Wipe your ass with your furniture.
Wipe your ass with your pets.
Wipe your ass with your occupation.
Wipe your ass with your insects.
Wipe your ass with your veins.
Wipe your ass with your liver.
Wipe your ass with your nostrils.

(May 2008)

 

SUPERVISOR

Beat on your supervisor
Until it is
Dead.

(May 2008)

 

THINGS

All things is just plain
Wrong.

(May 2008)

 

CUP

Throw up into a cup.
Drink from the cup until
You are full.
Throw up into a cup.
Drink from the cup until
You are full.
Throw up into a cup.
Drink from the cup until
You are full.
Throw up into a cup.
Drink from the cup until
You are full.

(May 2008)

 

TELL YOUR CHILDREN

Tell your children that there is no Santa Clause.
Tell your children that there is no God.
Tell your children that you do not love them.
Tell your children that there is no reason to live.
Tell your children that the world is a terrible place.
Tell your children that you wish they had never been born.
Tell your children that you won't be there when they need you.
Tell your children that there is no life after death.
Tell your children
The truth.

(May 2008)

 

MARY HAD

Mary had a little lamb,
She cut off all its nipples
And everywhere that Mary went
She got knocked up by cripples.

(April 2008)

 

HAIRY MAD

Hairy Mad, the little blotch,
With sneeze and glossy browers
And fairly where the congos bent
Her freezie fists benched blouse.

(April 2008)

 

GRAMMAR

Where oh where is Grammar?
She's out in the fields
All covered with blood
Where the trees and the clovers
Grow.

(April 2008)

 

STABBED BABIES

Babies that are stabbed
During the first three months of life
Are ten times more likely
To succeed.

(April 2008)

 

GOD BLESS

God bless
This food that we are about to eat.
God bless
Our blenders and our washing machines.
God bless
The feces that rests quietly at the bottom of our septic tanks.

(April 2008)

 

CHUNKS

When she was whole
She was such an old nag.
Now she's just chunks
In a bag.

(April 2008)

 

TURNS

Let's take turns so that
Every turn we make
Will be a wrong turn.

(April 2008)

 

WHAT WOMEN WANT

Women want to be
Men.

(April 2008)

 

GREEN FINGERS

Black and white
And everything in between.
God hates them all so much
That his fingers turn green.

(April 2008)

 

SITTING ON A WALL

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Sat on the wall too.
Everybody sat on the stupid goddamn
Wall.

(April 2008)

 

DEMOCRATIC FAILURE

Democracies will always fail
Because the majority of people
Will always vote for the wrong
Person.

(April 2008)

 

SCRAMBLED EGG

Scrambled egg.
My ex-wife hopped off on her one leg.
She took me to court and made me beg.
Oh I believe in scrambled egg.

Suddenly I'm one-tenth the man I used to be.
I can't get it up or even pee.
Oh scrambled egg...did this to me.

Why she had to go I suppose
She hated me.
I said something smart now I fart
And she smells partially
Digested egg.

(April 2008)

 

PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION

Public transportation
Is a bad idea because
It moves people around
Who really need to stay in one
Place.

(April 2008)

 

PLASTICIZED CORPSE

Oh I wish I were a plasticized corpse.
That is what I'd truly like to be.
'Cause if I were a plasticized corpse
Everyone would be in love with me.

(March 2008)

 

BISEXUAL DILEMMA

Pussy or dick.
Pussy or dick.
One or the other,
Make your mind up
Quick.

(March 2008)

 

BLUEBIRDS DIE

If happy little bluebirds die
Beyond the rainbow,
Why oh why
Can't I?

(March 2008)

 

MAGIC SHIT

Take a magic shit
And put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away.
Take a magic shit
And put it in your pocket,
Save it for a
Rainy day.

(March 2008)

 

SEA MONKEYS

Eat a goddamn plate full of
Fried sea monkeys.

(March 2008)

 

FELLOWS

Hate your fellow woman.
Hate your fellow man.
Hate your fellow children.
Hate your goddamn fellows.

(March 2008)

 

WRONG PEOPLE

The people have spoken
And, as usual,
They are
Wrong.

(March 2008)

 

CADAVERS

All the king's horses and
All the king's men
Dined on cadavers and
Farted again.

(March 2008)

 

COLLEGE SHOOTINGS

When you are sad and
Don't know what to do
College shootings will
Save you from the blues.

(March 2008)

 

EXPONENTIAL PROBLEM

Some people
Don't want any children
While others want
As many as
Possible.

(March 2008)

 

UGLY TOO

The world is ugly,
Your friends are too.
Your body is ugly
And so are you.

(March 2008)

 

SCREW IT

Our economy is in terrible shape.
Screw it.
Global warming is destroying our environment.
Screw it.
People are killing each other all over the world.
Screw it.
Everything is totally messed up to the point of no return.
Screw it.

(March 2008)

 

NAN

I threw my baby
In a garbage can and
Two weeks later
I named it
Nan.

(March 2008)

 

ORIGINAL MESSAGES

Hi. I am in a band called BLRJJJ-389
And we just released a new CD called Crinny-Slaw Binse.
Would you be interested in reviewing it on your web site?
Hi. I am in a band called UNBER-VUIEEE
And we just released a new CD called Song for Song Song.
Would you be interested in reviewing it on your web site?
Hi. I am in a band called RICTA BOWBOW PIZZ
And we just released a new CD called Quibb Quibb Pie Pie.
Would you be interested in reviewing it on your web site?
Hi. I am in a band called NOBBLE DEEMIE DEE
And we just released a new CD called Crummy Home Recorded Dribble.
Would you be interested in reviewing it on your web site?
Hi. I am in a band called YEEEEEEEEEEE, THE CRISPEST NOODLE BITS
And we just released a new CD called Ting-Tong Tina and Her Trebbly Tent.
Would you be interested in reviewing it on your web site?

(March 2008)

 

BARACK IRAQ SADDAM HUSSEIN OSAMA OBAMA

Barack Iraq
Saddam Hussein
Osama Obama.

A name you can trust.

(February 2008)

 

ERNEST ANGLEY'S REQUEST

Say "Baby."
Say "Jesus."
Say "Baby."
Say "Jesus."

Now say "Baby Jesus"
You retarded
Sheepsters.

(February 2008)

 

PUPPY EATING CONTEST

Puppy Eating Contest
Is competition for seeing
Who is ability for
Eating most newborn puppy
In one sitting.

(February 2008)

 

INCISIONS

Make one inch incision
In forearm.
Now make two inch deep incision
In back of neck.
Then make four inch deeper incision
In lower abdomen.
Keep making plenty more incision
Until satisfaction is
Reaching.

(February 2008)

 

YO-YO WITH NOODLE

Happy playtime
What is small round toy
On string.
After playtime is
Finishing, nourishment
With extra spicy
Noodle.

(February 2008)

 

HOMOSEXUAL SOCIAL

Ugly world of
Homosexual social
Center around superficial thought
With unhealthy focus
On material thing
And sex organ.

(February 2008)

 

JUST LIKE PARENT

One day child
Is grow up to be
Just like parent.
Fill with same guilt,
Confusion, and mental
Disturbing.

(February 2008)

 

RESTAURANT REGRET

Am to become
Very tiring of constant for
Working in restaurant.
Stir fry and cook and
Stir fry and cook every
Day of life.
Always try pleasing for American
Customer who is
Never really for
Pleasing.

(February 2008)

 

HUMAN TRAFFICKING

Human trafficking
Very good thing.
Can buy every other thing,
Now people no
Exception.

(February 2008)

 

PRETTY BALLOON

Pretty balloon
All cover with blood
To hover high in sky.
Bluebird fly into for
Causing of burst.

Now red bird
Fly funny.

(February 2008)

 

HUMPTY DUMPTY HO HUM

Humpty Dumpty
Sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty
Had a great fall.
All the king's horses and
All the king's men
Didn't give a damn and
Went home.

(February 2008)

 

ME AND BOBBY McOIL

Freedom is just
Another word for
Oil.

(January 2008)

 

GREEN

Green, green, green.
Shut up about
Green.

(January 2008)

 

I'M THE MOMMY, THAT'S WHY

Why do I get to stay up late at night?
I'm the Mommy, that's why.
Why do I get to drive a car and you don't?
I'm the Mommy, that's why.
Why do I get to beat the dog when I get angry?
I'm the Mommy, that's why.
Why do I get to eat and you don't?
I'm the Mommy, that's why.
Why do I get to do whatever I want while you stay locked in a closet bound with duct tape?
I'm the Mommy, that's why.
Why do I get to sniff and snort and shoot fun things all day long?
I'm the Mommy, that's why.
Why do I get to screw with your head whenever I feel like it?
I'm the Mommy, that's why.

(January 2008)

 

LAURA BUSH'S TURDS

Laura's turds
Are so warm and slender
Swimming 'round
Inside a blender.

(January 2008)

 

ASSHOLES OF TOMORROW

The children of today
Are the assholes of
Tomorrow

(January 2008)

 

WORLD NO WORLD

There's a world outside
But there is no
World.

(January 2008)

 

BENAZIR BUTTHOLE

Benazir Butthole was a wonderful woman.
Benazir Butthole contributed so much to society.
Benazir Butthole was a kind and giving lady.
But now Benazir Butthole is just a pile of
Motionless bones and rotting
Flesh.

(January 2008)

 

EVERYBODY ALL AT ONCE

Everybody clap your hands together.
Everybody march together for charity.
Everybody sing together in unison.
Everybody get really angry together and
Tear each other to shreds.

(January 2008)

 

SEE THE REAL UGLY

Look into the sky and
See the ugly.
Look out over the ocean and
See the ugly.
Look into the eyes of your friends and
See the ugly.
Look into the mirror and
See the real ugly.

(January 2008)

 

SCIENCE AND HISTORY

Science is a wonderful waste of time.
History is a wonderful waste of time.
Science is wonderful and
History is wonderful but
They are both just a waste
Of time.

(January 2008)

 

TERMINAL BATHROOM

Go to the bathroom
And never come out again.

(January 2008)

 

GODDAMN MUHAMMAD

Muhammad this,
Muhammad that.
Muhammad got porked
In a laundromat.

(January 2008)

 

ROCK AND ROLL LIKE RETARDS

Rock and roll
You idiots.
Everybody dance
Like retards.
Let's all get drunk
So that we can
Rock and roll
Like retards.

(January 2008)

 

BEAUTY NO BEAUTY

If there is beauty
In everything
Why is there no
Beauty in
Anything?

(January 2008)

 

PIG PEOPLE

Deep down inside
All people are
Lying, cheating,
Self-absorbed
Pigs.

(January 2008)

 

babysue'S REPETITIVE VENOM

I just don't understand you babysue people at all.
All you do is criticize and complain
And tear everyone to shreds.
Why are you so angry at the world?
Do you think it is cool to cut everyone down?
Well, it isn't.
Your thoughts and ideas may have been interesting
At one point in time but now they are just
Repetitive and boring.
If you hate society so much why don't you
Just give up and kill yourselves?
Do us all a favor and lighten up.
Your kind of humor isn't the least bit
Funny at all.
And by the way, your poetry
Sucks.

(January 2008)

 

OPRAH, HOW COULD YOU?

Oprah, how could you?
You got caught with your
Panties down.
Doin' things to them girliepoos
That you said was so wrong.

See what you get
For tryin' to improve the world?
Slapped in the face with a lawsuit
For tryin' to mess around with them
Teenage girls.

(November 2007)

 

WORLD UNITY

Goddamn the United States.
Goddamn China.
Goddamn Indonesia.
Goddamn Great Britain.
Goddamn Canada.
Goddamn Africa.
Goddamn Poland.
Goddamn France.
Goddamn Australia.
Goddamn Germany.

Goddamn everywhere.

(November 2007)

 

GERMS

Our children are our
Germs.
Eradicate the
Germs.

(November 2007)

 

DEMOCRATIC CHOICE

Force democracy
Down everyone's throats
So that no one
Will have a choice.

(November 2007)

 

THE SHROUD OF WHO CARES

Did Jesus' body
Rot into a blanket
And leave an impression
Or did it not.

Screw it.

(November 2007)

 

LOVE IS SHIT

Love is shit.
Shit is love.
Love is shitting,
Shitting love.
Love is asking
To be shit.

(November 2007)

 

SPAIN VS. MEXICO REVISITED

Spain is beautiful.
Mexico is ugly.
Spain is exotic.
Mexico is depressing.
Spain has great music.
Mexico has unlistenable cheeze whiz.
Spain has magnificent architecture.
Mexico has run down shacks.
Spain is wonderful.
Mexico is a smelly pile of vomit.

(November 2007)

 

DOING NOT DOING

Anything worth doing
Is not worth
Doing.

(November 2007)

 

CROSS DUMP APPLAUD

While he was hanging
On the cross,
Bleeding and dying,
Jesus shit all over
Himself and
The crowd roared
With approval.

(November 2007)

 

UTENSILS

You don't need
Forks and knives and spoons
To eat mushrooms.

(November 2007)

 

COLUMBINE KIDS

Those Columbine kids
Were so groovy and cool.
They carried out dreams
Shared by everyone in school.

(November 2007)

 

EXTREME

Extreme hair,
Extreme clothing,
Extreme wrestling,
Extreme music,
Extreme racing,
Extreme makeovers.

When everything
Is extreme
Nothing is extreme
Anymore.

(November 2007)

 

PET TARGETS

Shoot your pet.
Put a bullet in its
Head.
Keep on shooting
Until all your pets are
Dead.

(November 2007)

 

BLOWING UP THE WORLD

The answer my friend is
Blowing up the world.
The answer is blowing up
The world.

(November 2007)

 

FOR YOUR SINS

Jesus dyed his hair
For your sins.
Jesus knitted a lovely little white frock
For your sins.
Jesus coughed up a big greasy furball that had been irritating him for weeks
For your sins.
Jesus crushed up a bump and snorted it
For your sins.

(October 2007)

 

PLANT ABUSE

Abuse a plant.
Cut it.
Burn it.
Threaten it and
Rape it.

(October 2007)

 

HAVE A NICE LITTLE DAY

Have a nice little hour
And a nice little day
And a nice little week
Because next month you will be
Diagnosed with a fatal
Disease that has no
Cure.

(October 2007)

 

THE LOVE YOU SAVE

Stop the love you save
May be your own filthy
Crusted vomit stuck
On the bottom of the
Floor next to the
Toilet.

(October 2007)

 

LEECHES

Friends are always great
Until you get to know them well
At which point they become
Nothing more than
Selfish, needy
Leeches.

(October 2007)

 

JUMP ROPE

Goddamn your parents.
Goddamn your school.
Goddamn your job.
Goddamn your hobbies.
Goddamn your belongings.
Goddamn your clothes.
Goddamn your stupid goddamn
Jump rope.

(October 2007)

 

FART ABOUT

Assholes fart about
Freedom because
They don't know
What else to
Fart about.

(October 2007)

 

FACE OF THE INTERNET

The best thing
About the internet
Is that it makes it possible
To communicate with everyone
Under the sun without ever
Having to look at their
Ugly sickening
Faces.

(October 2007)

 

THEIR MOST BEAUTIFUL CLOTHES

When someone close to you dies
Have them buried in
Their most beautiful clothes.
As they deteriorate and rot
They will slowly liquify and be absorbed by
Their most beautiful clothes.

(October 2007)

 

TICKING LICKING

The clock is ticking.
Tick, tick, tick.
The dog is licking.
Lick, lick, lick.

(October 2007)

 

SEXUAL DESIRES

Your shitty little
Sexual desires are
Pathetic and meaningless
In the big scheme of
Things.

(October 2007)

 

FINGERS

Smell your fingers.
Think of all the things that
Your fingers have touched.
Look at your fingers.
Think of all the things that
Your fingers have done.

Think of all the evil things
You have done with your fingers.
Think of all the horrible crimes
That you have committed
With your fingers.

Now close your eyes and dream.

Your fingers are
Extensions of the
Devil that lives
Inside your
Soul.

(October 2007)

 

CHARACTER

No one
Is a good judge of
Character.

(October 2007)

 

NIGHTMARES

When we are young
We have dreams.
When we are old
We have dreams.
But in between
We have nothing but
Nightmares.

(October 2007)

 

WHO-TECH JOKE

How do you greet
Pete Townsend?

"Hi-Def!"

(September 2007)

 

JOIN THE ARMY

Join the army
If you are confused.
Join the army
If you are lonely.
Join the army
If you cannot decide what to do with your life.
Join the army
If you have no other choice.

(September 2007)

 

SNITCHIN'

Stop snitchin'.
Don't tell the police nothing.
Stop schoolin'.
There ain't no reason to go to school no way.
Stop workin'.
All jobs is just a waste of time.
Stop breathin'.
Breathin' won't get you nowhere.

(September 2007)

 

PIT BULL AND BABY FIGHTS

Traditional Dog Fights aren't
Fun anymore.
Pit Bull and Baby Fights
Are the new cool
Entertainment.

Hint: Always bet on the
Pit Bull.

(September 2007)

 

ALWAYS GIVE UP HOPE

When things look really, really bad,
Always give up hope.
When horrifying events occur in your life,
Toss your will to live aside.
When you are at the bottom of your rope,
Let go of the rope.
When there is nothing left to live for,
Give up and die.

(September 2007)

 

TINY MAGNETS AND LEAD PAINT

Give your child
Tiny magnets covered with
Lead paint.
Give it tiny magnets.
Give it lead paint.
Give it tiny magnets
Covered with lead
Paint.

(September 2007)

 

KILLERS

Fran killed Harold.
Harold killed Kate.
Kate killed Bobby and
Bobby killed Nate.

(September 2007)

 

GLOBAL DUCK AND COVER

Global warming
Could destroy us all.
But just in case,
Duck and cover.

(September 2007)

 

SPACEY

The space program
Is a waste.
Space exploration
Is a waste.

(September 2007)

 

CUPCAKE LOVE

Vomit in a
Cupcake pan and
Place it in the oven.
Feed the cupcakes
To your friends to
Show 'em that
You love 'em.

(September 2007)

 

WARM MOIST TURDS

Two warm moist turds
Sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
First comes love,
Then comes marriage.
Then comes five hundred more
Warm moist turds sloppily
Lobbed all over the place
In a goddamn baby carriage.

(September 2007)

 

LOVE

Love is hate.
Hate is love.
Love is hating,
Hating love.
Love is asking
To be hated.

(September 2007)

 

MICHAEL VICK

Let's all condemn
Michael Vick
For being cruel to
Animals.
When he gets
Convicted and
Thrown in jail
We will celebrate
By having great big
Steaks for
Dinner.

(September 2007)

 

MUSIC, DISAPPOINTMENT, AND GUILT

Thank you for the free music.
We will try to listen to it.

We are so sorry that we
Did not have time to
Listen to the music.

Now you feel disappointed
And we feel
Guilty.

(September 2007)

 

PLASTIC TUBA

Sag and pucker
All the way from
Dixieland to Cuba.
Snort a milkshake
On the plane by using
Plastic tuba.

(September 2007)

 

AIR GOD

God is like
Air.
Unnecessary and
Invisible.

(September 2007)

 

DISPOSABLE

Disposable watches.
Disposable cameras.
Disposable telephones.
Disposable friends.
Disposable families.
Disposable memories.

(August 2007)

 

SARCASTIC CHILDREN

Our children
Are sarcastic because
The things we teach them are
Stupid.

(August 2007)

 

FAMILY VALUES

Family values
Offer guidance for
Assholes.

(August 2007)

 

INJECTION

Inject yourself
With a substance that is
Lethal.

(August 2007)

 

SPOT REMOVAL

Remove yourself
From the spot you're in
So that there will be
No evidence that you were
Here.

(August 2007)

 

HEALTH DON'T CARE

Your health
Don't give a
Damn.

(August 2007)

 

UNFAIR

Those who whine loudest
About unfairness in the world
Are those who don't deserve
A single goddamn thing.

(August 2007)

 

BABY SKIN

Skin your baby,
Rip it off quick.
Muffle its screams with
A big hard
Stick.

(August 2007)

 

BEST FRIENDS

God and Satan
Are the best of
Friends.

(August 2007)

 

HABITAT FOR OUR VANITY

Let's all build crappy homes
For retarded losers so that we can
Brag about how kind and generous
We are.

(August 2007)

 

HISTORICAL

History is
Shit.

(August 2007)

 

OSAMA OBAMA

Obama good,
Osama bad.
Osama good,
Obama bad.
Ogama glood,
Goblama prad.
Flugrama kwood,
Schreglerama fnadd.

(August 2007)

 

DOG FIGHT

Dog fight is
Good entertainment
Where one dog fight
Other dog to
Death.

(August 2007)

 

GET OUT OF SCHOOL

The more you put
Into your schoolwork
The less you will
Get out.

(August 2007)

 

DELICIOUS

All harsh chemicals are
Delicious.

(August 2007)

 

EDUCATION

Schools teach children
How to hate one
Another.

(August 2007)

 

THE BIG REWARD

If you work hard enough
You will eventually be rewarded
With nothing.

(August 2007)

 

UNINTERESTING

Life and death are both
Equally uninteresting.

(August 2007)

 

BEAUTIFUL LIGHT

The beautiful light in heaven
Will burn you into pieces
As you enter.

(August 2007)

 

CHOICE

When given a choice
People will always
Make the wrong
Decision.

(August 2007)

 

JESUS COLORS

Red and yellow,
Black and white.
Jesus hates them all.

(August 2007)

 

TEAMWORK

If everyone works together
Nothing will ever get done.

(August 2007)

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Celebrate
Your goddamn birthday
With a shitty goddamn cake
And worthless goddamn
Presents.

(August 2007)

 

WINE AND DINE

Wine and dine.
Wine and dine.
Stuff your fat jowels
All the time.

(August 2007)

 

SEEDY

Plant a seed and
Watch it grow.
Then spray it with
Weed killer and
Watch it die.

(August 2007)

 

NEATO

Our friends are all dying
And rotting away.
Neato.

(August 2007)

 

ORGANIC

Organic this.
Organic that.
You're still grotesque,
Ugly, and
Fat.

(August 2007)

 

WARHOLIC REASON

In the future
Everyone will be
Reasonable for
Fifteen minutes.

(August 2007)

 

YOU HAVE VOMIT

You have vomit in your teeth.
You have vomit in your hair.
You have vomit on your face.
Vomit, vomit, everywhere.

You have vomit in your eyes.
You have vomit on your thighs.
You have vomit in your cheeks.
You have vomit in your speech.

You have vomit under your arms.
You have vomit in your pubic hair.
You have vomit on your feet.
You have vomit, that is neat.

You have vomit in your veins.
You have vomit in your fart.
You have vomit in your brain.
You have vomit in your heart.

(August 2007)

 

APOLOGY ACCEPTED

Run over your baby
With a big car really fast.
Throw your goddamn baby
Into a dumpster and run away.
Kick your beautiful baby
So hard that its little bones break.
Then kiss your precious baby and
Tell it how sorry you are.

(August 2007)

 

SOUL MUSIC

The music you make
Represents the crap
Inside your
Soul.

(August 2007)

 

CUTLERY

Nip and tuck,
Nip and tuck.
No amount of surgery
Will ever be enough.

(August 2007)

 

A LITTLE ALCOHOL

Alcohol is the dumbest drug,
The dumbest drug of all.
So what if it is legal?
It just makes you feel small.

(August 2007)

 

REASON

Hate homosexuals
Not for what they are
But for who they
Are.

(August 2007)

 

SEXY SHUT UP

Everyone
Should shut up
About sex.

(August 2007)

 

JESUS SAYS SEW

Sew your vagina shut
With polyester thread.
Let it stay that way for years,
That's what Jesus says.

(August 2007)

 

SCHOLASTIC

Guns in school?
Yes, okay.
We will learn a lot
Today.

(August 2007)

 

MAMMAL DINNER

Bake your mammal
At 450 degrees
For 3 hours.
Then hack it up and
Eat it.

(August 2007)

 

BAD ART

Art is poison
For the mind.
Look at art and you'll go
Blind.

(August 2007)

 

BURIAL

Plant yourself
In the ground
And rot there
Forever.

(August 2007)

 

LAME

Birth and death
Are one and the same.
Each, like the other,
Is totally lame.

(August 2007)

 

FAILURE

If at first you don't succeed
Mumble goddamn several times
And walk away.

(August 2007)

 

HOLY FRESH

Drill holes
In your breasts
To keep the milk
Fresh.

(August 2007)

 

FREEDOM OF HATE

You can hate anyone anywhere you like
For whatever reason you choose.

You can hate them because of their voice.
You can hate them because of their smell.
You can hate them because of their sexual orientation.
You can hate them because of their personality.
You can hate them because of their opinions.
You can hate them because of their hair.
You can hate them because of their race.
You can hate them because of their weight.

You can hate anyone anywhere you like
For whatever goddamn reason you choose.

(August 2007)

 

SALT YOUR VAGINA

Salt your vagina
And do it today.
If you don't salt it
Your hair will turn
Gray.

(July 2007)

 

FRIENDS

Friends are just strangers
Who haven't pissed on us
Yet.

(July 2007)

 

LEARNING CURVE

Slap your child
When it is nursing
And it will learn.

(July 2007)

 

POWERLESS

God doesn't have the
Power to do
Anything.

(July 2007)

 

MOMMY'S MIDDLE-AGED PIGLETS

Mommy's
Middle-aged piglets
Still living at home
Sucking on breasts
That dried up decades
Ago.

(July 2007)

 

THE BEST CHOICE

Suicide is
Always the best
Choice.

(July 2007)

 

METHELPERS

Jesus helps those
Who help themselves to
Meth.

(July 2007)

 

OPPOSE AND SUPPORT

Two-faced hypocritical
Lame-brain cheeseballs
Oppose the war and
Support the troops.

(July 2007)

 

TWO THINGS

God and Family.
Two things
That shouldn't matter to
Anyone.

(July 2007)

 

ENEMIC

Politicians are our
Enemies.
Celebrities are our
Enemies.
Animals are our
Enemies and
Our friends are
Our enemies.

(July 2007)

 

DUMPTY DUMPTY

Dumpty Dumpty
Dumped on a wall.
Dumpty Dumpty
Dumped in the hall.
All the king's horses
And all the king's men
Couldn't stop Dumpty
From dumping
Again.

(July 2007)

 

MUSIC HOLE

Fill your hole
With music
Until it starts to bubble.
Music is like
Life itself...
Just a bunch of
Trouble.

(July 2007)

 

DESK

We bought a used desk
From a nearby couple
Who run a Christian-based business
That helps young boys
Find their way in life.

When we got the desk home
We found pornographic magazines
Hidden inside featuring
Interracial sex and
Bestiality.

(July 2007)

 

CELEBRATION

Celebrate diversity
With a machine
Gun.

(July 2007)

 

BIRTH DEFECT

Birth defect
Is how Jesus
Tell us that he
Love us.

(July 2007)

 

NURSE BALLS

Show me a
Nurse with balls
And I'll show you
A cow that makes
House calls.

(June 2007)

 

WISHFUL TRUTH

When you wish
Upon a star
It goddamn sure as Hell
Makes a great big
Goddamn difference
Who the Hell
You are.

(June 2007)

 

EVERYTHING ON YOUR PLATE

If you don't eat
Everything on your plate
Everything on your plate
Will eat
You.

(June 2007)

 

DARFUR

Darfur is a
Nifty place where
Everything is groovy.
Everyone is happy there
Just like in a
Movie.

(June 2007)

 

LAUGHS

Natural disasters
Are always good
For a few
Laughs.

(June 2007)

 

WHAT LIFE IS

Life is neat.
Life is cool.
Life is replaceable.
Life is uncomfortable.

(June 2007)

 

LOB

When in doubt
Lob a turd.

(June 2007)

 

CRUMMY

Old is crummy.
Young is crummy.
Crummy, crummy, crummy.

(June 2007)

 

CAUSE AND EFFECT

When women reproduce
Angels fart.

(June 2007)

 

NUFFIN

Animals is nuffin.
People is nuffin.
Earth is nuffin.
Nuffin is nuffin.

(June 2007)

 

DEAR babysue / LMNOP:

If you don't listen
To my music and
Write something positive about it
I will hate you
Forever.

(June 2007)

 

CRISIS NOT A CRISIS

Mad cow disease is a crisis.
Now it is not a crisis.
Bird flu is a crisis.
Now it is not a crisis.
Global warming is a crisis.
Now it is not a crisis.
Everything is a crisis.
Now everything is not a crisis.

(June 2007)

 

PUPPY POPS

Boil the puppy
Until the skin
Pops.

(May 2007)

 

DOORS

Here's the church and
Here's the steeple.
Open the doors and see shitty
People.

(May 2007)

 

FUN

She bludgeoned her husband
With a hammer.
She shot all her children
With a gun.
She took her own life
With a carving knife
Because she thought dying was
Fun.

(May 2007)

 

FAMILIAR

Your father is a liar.
Your mother is a bitch.
Your brother is a faggot and
Your sister is a witch.

(May 2007)

 

GOD WILL DAMN YOU

When you wish upon a star
God will damn you.
When you do a good deed
God will damn you.
When you help those in need
God will still damn you.
When you don't do anything at all
God will continue to damn you
Forever.

(May 2007)

 

BITTER OLD BITTIES

Pity the bitter old bitties
Because they are bitter.
Give up on bitter old bitties
While you're on the shitter.

(May 2007)

 

LIVING IN HELL

Corporate accountants,
Financial agents, and
Attorneys are already dead
Because they are already living
In Hell.

(May 2007)

 

WITHOUT YOU

I used to think
I couldn't live without you.
Now I know I'm
Better off
Without you.

(May 2007)

 

PAYMENT REQUIRED

This man will dance with you if you
Pay him to dance with you.
This man will take you on trips
If you will pay for the trips.
This man will stay by your side forever
If you pay him to stay by your side forever.

(May 2007)

 

STUFF

The world is
Full of stuff and
None of it means
Anything.

(May 2007)

 

ZERO HERO TODAY

When everyone
Is hero today
No one
Is hero today.

(May 2007)

 

NO BIG DEAL

Global warming.
It's no big
Deal.

(May 2007)

 

SPAIN VS. MEXICO

Spain is
Fantastic.
Mexico is
Shit.

(May 2007)

 

DUMPSTER BABY

Put your baby
In a dumpster and
Leave it there.

(May 2007)

 

POW. WOW.

The gun went pow.
Wow.

(May 2007)

 

JIMI HENDRIX

Jimi Hendrix
Was cool
Because he
Took drugs.
You be cool
Too.

(May 2007)

 

PUSSYCAT BALLS

Dinky sin is
Grey and smokey.
Dinky sin is
Okey dokey.
Dinky sin is
On the walls.
Dinky sin is
Pussycat balls.

(April 2007)

 

WEALTHY AND CONFUSED

We have
So much money now
That we don't know what
To do with it.

(April 2007)

 

CHATTANOOGA SECRET

Chattanooga is
The greatest city
In the United States.
Thank God hardly anyone
Knows it.

(April 2007)

 

BAD RECEPTION

The reception
Will be a failure
Because hardly anyone will show up
And those that do will be
Disappointed.

(April 2007)

 

FUNERALISTIC

Everyone stand around
Mourning the loss
Of someone whose life
Never mattered anyway.

(April 2007)

 

CHILDLIKE

Children like us
But we never wanted
To be liked by
Children like us.

(April 2007)

 

IRAQ QUACK

Iraq, Iraq, Iraq, Iraq,
Iraq, Iraq,
Iraq.
Quack, quack, quack, quack,
Quack, quack,
Quack.

(April 2007)

 

HANDY BLENDER

Her hands were once so
Warm and tender
Until she put them
In the blender.

(April 2007)

 

RIGHT TO DEATH

Everyone has the right
To end their life
Whenever and however
They choose.

(April 2007)

 

INVISIBLE STAR

When you wish
Upon a star
You will disappear
Instantly.

(April 2007)

 

MOMMY AND DADDY

Mommy and Daddy
Are laying in bed
Wishing and dreaming
They both were
Dead.

(April 2007)

 

THROW UP

When in doubt,
Throw up.
When confused,
Throw up.
When terrified,
Throw up.
When satisfied and content,
Throw up anyway.

(April 2007)

 

OLD MEN OLD WOMEN

All old men
Look just like
Old women.

(March 2007)

 

PRESIDENT SHITTY

The President is
Shitty.
Physically and mentally
Shitty.

(March 2007)

 

SPRING

Spring, glorious Spring.
The time when
Everything starts to
Die.

(March 2007)

 

WIN NOT

Winning isn't
Everything and
Everything isn't
Anything.

(March 2007)

 

ANGEL REACTION

Every time a
Child is born
Angels in the sky
Launch hand grenades
At us.

(March 2007)

 

RECTUMOPHOBIA

An abnormal fear
Of assholes.

(March 2007)

 

BITTLE AND LIG

When I was bittle
I wanted to be lig.
Now that I am lig
I want to be
Bittle.

(March 2007)

 

CONDOLEEZZA RICE WORSHIPS THE DEVIL

When she's hidden away
In her own safe and private space
Condoleezza Rice
Worships the goddamn
Devil
And masturbates.

(March 2007)

 

WALT DISMAL

If Walt Disney
Could see
How his corporation
Has transformed into
A greedy army of
Money hungry pigs
He would probably
Throw up all over
Mickey Mouse.

(March 2007)

 

MONEY BRINGS OUT THE SHIT IN PEOPLE

Money should be
Packaged, marketed,
And sold as a
Laxative.

(March 2007)

 

AUTISTIC RETARDS

No one is
Mentally retarded
Anymore.
Now they are
Autistic.

(March 2007)

 

LESBIANS IS SATAN

Whether they admit it
Or not
All lesbians is Satan.
Some is Satan
In cars.
Some is Satan
In bars.
While still others is Satan
In churches.

(February 2007)

 

FRIENDSHIP

Friendships are fleeting and
Unimportant.
Friends are temporary and
Easily replaced.

(February 2007)

 

HEAVY METAL ASSHOLES

Look at all the
Heavy metal assholes
Dressing up like drag queens
And screaming like retarded
Baboons.

(February 2007)

 

REPRODUCTION

Those who reproduce
Should not be in the business
Of reproduction.

(February 2007)

 

UNFORTUNATE PIGGY

This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy had roast beef.
This little piggy had none.
But this little piggy experienced
A fatal cranial fracture
That caused him to bleed profusely from both ears
And hobble sideways onto an expressway during rush hour
Where he was run over simultaneously
By three hundred thousand
Cars.

(February 2007)

 

NUDITY IS REPULSIVE

Nudity is repulsive
Because people are
Repulsive.

(February 2007)

 

SEX IDIOTS

Idiots dwell upon sex
Because they are
Idiots.

(February 2007)

 

WRONG IDEA

Those who support
Abortion are wrong.
Those who oppose abortion
Are also wrong.
Everyone is wrong about
Everything.

(February 2007)

 

WEAK, NEEDY, RETARDED

We pray because
We are weak.
We work because
We are needy.
We live because
We are retarded.

(February 2007)

 

FUTURE HELL

Our children are
Our future.
To hell with
The future.

(February 2007)

 

UGLY SKYSCRAPERS

All tall buildings are
Ugly.

(February 2007)

 

ATLANTA ATTRACTION

Atlanta attracts
Assholes.

(February 2007)

 

LOS ANGELES ATTRACTION

Los Angeles attracts
Assholes.

(February 2007)

 

PHONY FART FACTORY

Hollywood is a
Factory for phony
Farts.

(February 2007)

 

PREOCCUPIED

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and
Broke his crown
But Jill was
Too busy to notice
Because she was
Taking pictures with her cell phone and
Diddling with her MP3 player.

(February 2007)

 

UGLY

Children are ugly.
Babies are ugly.
Flowers are ugly.
Ugly, ugly, ugly.

Mountains are ugly.
The sky is ugly.
Birds are ugly.
Ugly, ugly, ugly.

Women are ugly.
Men are ugly.
Life is ugly.
Ugly, ugly, ugly.

(January 2007)

 

WORDS

Words don't mean
Anything to
Anyone.

(January 2007)

 

PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE

People from the past were
Shitty.

People in the present are
Shitty.

People in the future
Will always be
Shitty.

(January 2007)

 

POLITICAL TRUTH

Everyone wonders why
Politicians lie.

They lie because
If they told the truth
They would never get
Elected.

(January 2007)

 

TRASH SANDWICH

Put cheese on the
Sandwich.
Put lettuce on the
Sandwich.
Put pickles on the
Sandwich.

Then throw the
Sandwich in the
Trash.

(January 2007)

 

N'INTEGRITY PAS

Integrity don't matter none
Because there ain't
No one what is got
No integrity no
Way.

(January 2007)

 

NIGGER-SENSITIVE

You can call someone a liar
But don't call them a nigger.
You can call someone a child molester
But don't call them a nigger.
You can call someone retarded
But don't call them a nigger.
You can call someone a thief and a cheater
But don't call them a nigger.
You can call someone ignorant and stupid
But don't call them a nigger.

You can call someone a bastard, a bitch, a worthless old fart, a queer, a shitass, a murderer, a rapist, and a whore
But whatever you do you had goddamn better
Make sure you don't call them a nigger.

(January 2007)

 

AMERICAN COLORS

Red, white, and blue.
They're shitty,
Like you.

(January 2007)

 

DOES NOT MATTER

Life does not
Matter.
Religion does not
Matter.
Freedom does not
Matter.

Even if something
Really does matter
It really does not
Matter.

(January 2007)

 

HAVE A BABY

Have a baby
On the sidewalk.
Have a baby
In the fireplace.
Have a baby
In the lobby.
Have a baby
In the toilet.

(January 2007)

 

SHIT EATER

Eat and shit.
Eat and shit.
Eat and shit.

Eat and shit some more.

(January 2007)

 

LITTLE PLASTIC DISKS

When we were young
We collected little plastic disks
Slowly, one by one,
And placed them on a shelf.

As we got older
We continued collecting
Little plastic disks
As we became more and more
Obsessed with the idea
Of collecting
Little plastic disks.

These days we are overwhelmed
With all the little plastic disks
That consume our
Office suite
And make our lives
So complex that we can
No longer function normally
Anymore.

(January 2007)

 

POEM FOR YOKO

Melt a dead kitten
In the middle of the yard.
Blink three times to bring
The kitten back to life.

Practice again on several
Other types of animals.

(January 2007)

 

HUMPY DUMPY

Humpy Dumpy
Had a big
Dump.

Humpy Dumpy
Snorted a
Lump.

(November 2006)

 

ROCK AND ROLL IS FOR ASSHOLES

Who loves rock and roll?
Assholes do,
That's who.

Assholes just love to
Rock and roll.

(November 2006)

 

WHY JESUS CAN'T LOVE ALL THE LITTLE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD ANYMORE

If Jesus loved
All the little children
Of the world in the
Twenty-first century
He would be
Thrown in
Prison.

(November 2006)

 

CHATTANOOGA CUCKOO

Pardon me boys,
Is that the Chattanooga
Cuckoo?

(November 2006)

 

INFERIORACES

All races are
Inferior.

(November 2006)

 

DARK FREEDOM

If you love something
Make it stop
Breathing.

(November 2006)

 

METHODOLOGY

Meth solves problems.

Meth makes things
Better.

(November 2006)

 

NEKKID HELL

Those who choose
To be nude
Will go straight to
Goddamn hell.

(November 2006)

 

JACK AND BITCH

Jack and Bitch
Fell in the ditch and
Drank the muddy water.
Bitch fell down
And tore her gown
So Jack reached in and
Molested her.

(November 2006)

 

GIANT QUESTION

Fee-fie-foe-fum.
Why is everyone so
Dumb?

(November 2006)

 

ASSHOLES VOTE

What do assholes do?

Assholes vote.

(November 2006)

 

GREEDY & SELF-CENTERED

We turned cold on you
Because we determined
That you are greedy and
Self-centered.

(November 2006)

 

YUCKY

The world is yucky.
Sad but true.
The world is yucky
Because of you.

(November 2006)

 

SHAKESPOOR

How many ways
Do I goddamn thee?
Let me count
The goddamn
Ways.

(October 2006)

 

BASTARD DADDY

My father was a rotten
Bastard.
A mean, cold, rotten
Bastard.

(October 2006)

 

VICTIMIZATION

Symptoms aren't victims.
Blimps aren't victims.
Owls aren't victims and
Kittens aren't symptoms.

(October 2006)

 

ZACH WIMP

Zach is just a dumb
Wimp.
Zach has always been a dumb
Wimp.

Only the dumbest of the dumb
Would ever vote for
The biggest retard
In Tennessee...

Zach Wimp.

(October 2006)

 

SONNY PERDUE

Sonny Perdue
Is a fat old chicken woman.
Sonny Perdue
Sasses his fat ass around
Like a queen.

Sonny Perdue
Won't do it for you.

His asshole resembles
A vagina.

(October 2006)

 

MR. T

Goddamn you.
Goddamn me.
Goddamn everyone
Except Mr. T.

(October 2006)

 

CHEATERS

We cheated our way
Though school.

You should too.

(October 2006)

 

COUNTRY PEOPLE

Country people
Aren't any better
Than city people.

(October 2006)

 

SUCK FROM THE RICH

We moved back to a
Cool, hipster neighborhood
So that we can
Suck from the
Rich.

(October 2006)

 

BIRDIE HIGH

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow...
Why oh why
Get high?

(October 2006)

 

DUMMIES

Alcohol is for dummies.
Marijuana is for dummies.
Religion is for dummies.
Everything is for
Dummies.

(October 2006)

 

STOOL SAMPLE

Here is a sample
Of our finest wooden bar
Stool.

(October 2006)

 

RETURN TO CIVILIZATION

We moved away
From civilization
Thinking that it would be best.

But now we return
To civilization
To do what we do best.

(October 2006)

 

TRASHY BABY

She had a trashy baby
So she threw it in
The trash.
She had a trashy baby
Then she smoked a bit of
Hash.

(October 2006)

 

POST PUNK

Another trite
Descriptive term
That doesn't mean
Anything.

(September 2006)

 

OFFICE MEAT

They are looking
At our office suite
As if it were
A piece of meat.

It is a goddamn
Piece of meat.

Get us the hell
Out of this
Goddamn place.

(September 2006)

 

NEAR IN

That is not
Far out.
It is
Near in.

(September 2006)

 

WHERE TODAY, GONE TOMORROW

Not only do we not know
Where we will be tomorrow
We have absolutely
No idea of where we are
Today.

(September 2006)

 

DESPERATE OLD LADIES

Desperate old ladies
Chasing desperate old men
Who kick them
In the heads
Over and over
Again.

(September 2006)

 

CRUMMY MUSIC

Your music
Is crummy
And so are
You.

(September 2006)

 

MAEL-ISH

Ron and Russell
In our dreams
'Til the end.

We talk just like them
We are told by
A friend.

(September 2006)

 

GOODBYE FARM

Goodbye hills,
Goodbye farm.
Goodbye lawnmowers,
Goodbye harm.

(September 2006)

 

TENNESSEE MEN

Now that we are
Tennessee Men...
That's what we always
Should have been.

(September 2006)

 

UNIQUE LIE

We are told
From the start
That we are
Unique.

The unique lie
Is uniquely
A lie.

(September 2006)

 

POWERLESS

Power to
The people who
Don't have any
Power.

(September 2006)

 

TURD PARTY

We're having
A party and only
Turds are
Invited.

(September 2006)

 

JONBENET'S UNDERWEAR

What was really inside
JonBenet's underwear?

(September 2006)

 

SOUL CONTROL

Let the will of
Others control your
Mind, body, and
Soul.

(August 2006)

 

MILITARY DUTY

Your duty is to
Get out and
Stay out.

(August 2006)

 

COMPLEXITIES

The complexities
Of the world are
Grating and
Stupid.

(August 2006)

 

NO SPICE

If variety
Is the spice of life,
Let's get rid of the
Isle with spices.

(August 2006)

 

CRAWLING APPRECIATION

Thank you for crawling.
Thank you for crawling.
Thank you for crawling.

(August 2006)

 

LESBIAN CITIES

Lesbians in Red Bank,
Lesbians in Decatur.

(August 2006)

 

WORTHLESS LEADERS

All leaders are
Worthless leaders.

(August 2006)

 

FOLLOWERS

Look at all
The mindless followers.
Following, following
The road to
Nowhere.

(August 2006)

 

PHYSICAL CHANGE

You'll never notice
How much I've changed
Because you can't
See me.

(August 2006)

 

PASSIONOTHING

If you can't be passionate
About something
You could at least
Be passionate about
Nothing.

(August 2006)

 

WILL DO WON'T DO

Americans
Will do the jobs
That Americans
Won't do.

(June 2006)

 

TRUCK

I started a truck
That started the whole world
Trucking...
Only I couldn't see
That the truck was on
Me.

(June 2006)

 

ALL WE ARE SAYING

All we are saying
Is give pizza a chance.
All we are saying
Is give sedatives a chance.
All we are saying
Is give serial murderers a chance.
All we are saying
Is give rabid raccoons with obvious mental disorders a chance.
All we are saying
Is give bloody two-headed abortions dying on the doormat a chance.

(June 2006)

 

TIME IS RUNNING

Take care of business quickly because
Time is running.
Drive just as fast as you can because
Time is running.
Do everything as fast as you possibly can
Because time is running out.

(June 2006)

 

HOLES

Your nose
Has holes.
Your ears
Have holes.
Your ass and urethra
Have holes.
And your mouth
Is just a
Hole.

(June 2006)

 

DECADES

In the sixties
Ugly hippies
Struggled for change.

In the seventies
Homosexual celebrities
Came out of their closets.

In the eighties
Women with babies
Declared their equality.

In the nineties
Men sniffed their hineys
And lined their pockets with money.

In the twenty-first century
It's all a big mystery
Because no one
Is doing anything
Anymore.

(June 2006)

 

CATCH A MOUSE

Patty had a
Problem with her
Pussy.
It couldn't catch a
Mouse.

(June 2006)

 

AMERICAN DULLARD

Who will be
The new
American
Dullard?

(June 2006)

 

NERVOUS

In the future
Everyone will be
Nervous
For fifteen minutes.

(June 2006)

 

SCHOOLS

All schools breed
Intolerance and
Hatred.

(June 2006)

 

FORWARD BACKWARD

People used to be
Forward thinkers.
Now people are
Backward wishers.

(June 2006)

 

MUSICAL

Music makes people
Smug and
Irritating.

(June 2006)

 

GREEK VACATION PROPAGANDA

All we are saying
Is give Greece
A chance.

(June 2006)

 

BIRD FLU

Which way did the
Bird flu?

It just flu
Away.

(June 2006)

 

CHOOSY MOTHERS

Choosy mothers
Choose
Toothless gerbils.

(May 2006)

 

FREEDOM

Say goodbye
To freedom.
We never had it
Anyway.
We have lost our
Freedom in the name
Of freedom.

(May 2006)

 

REALLY NOT

Your job is not real.
Your family is not real.
Your thoughts are not real.
Everything in your world is
Fake.

(May 2006)

 

PHONY PONY

Ride your Phony Pony
'Til there's nothing left to do.
Ride your Phony Pony
'Til you're all dried up and
Blue.

(May 2006)

 

GREY DOCTOR

An apple a day
Makes the doctor
Turn grey.

(May 2006)

 

ACTING

Act like you care.
Act like you are interested.
Act like you are listening.
Act like you should
Act.

(May 2006)

 

PARROT PARENTS

They had a tiny bird
But were never taught
How to raise it.

Parrots make
Rotten parents.
All parrots will be
Rotting parents.

(May 2006)

 

FACT OF LIFE

All peoples is liars.
All peoples is thieves.
All peoples is evil.
All peoples has teeves.

(May 2006)

 

DAMMIT SPREAD

Spread a little dammit
Wherever you go.
Spread a little dammit
And watch your head
Grow.

(May 2006)

 

RETURN

Go back to
Wherever it is
That you came
From.

(May 2006)

 

DOUBLED

Would you like
Coffee with your
Coffee?

(May 2006)

 

CONDOLEEZZA STEW

Take 12 pounds of anorexia
And mix with 15 pounds of
Hairspray.
Add 20 ounces of Yowsuh
And two heaping tablespoons
Of impuned integrity.
Cook until ready.

Serves 5 billion idiots.

(May 2006)

 

HELP

You can ask your parents for help
But your parents won't help you.
You can ask your friends for help
But your friends won't help you.
You can ask your teachers for help
But your teachers won't help you.
You can ask God for help
But God won't help you either.

(May 2006)

 

IMPOSSIBILITY

Everything is
Impossible.
Everything has always been
Impossible and
Everything will always be
Impossible.

(April 2006)

 

DONKEYFUEL

What make donkey go?
What make punkish drool?
Thing what is murky, funkish
Donkeyfuel.

(April 2006)

 

ITALIAN REALIZATION

Sex...
Itza bad!

(April 2006)

 

MAN MOUSE

You are a man
And you are a
Mouse.

(April 2006)

 

CASUAL FAB IGNORANCE

Ignorance is calming,
Seductive, and
Fantastic.

(April 2006)

 

BIRDIE BABY

Birdies took her baby
And carried it away.
Birdies tore her baby up
And threw it in the
Hay.

(April 2006)

 

WITH A CORPSE

Dance with a corpse.
Snort with a corpse.
Pour quarts on a corpse.
Play sports
With a corpse.

(April 2006)

 

ULTRA TACKY SPACE

Ultra tacky people in their
Ultra tacky places.
Litter their bitterness
Regularly in their
Ultra tacky
Spaces.

(April 2006)

 

BIGGER BIGGER BIGGER

Buildings are getting
Bigger.
Cars are getting
Bigger.
Everything is getting
Bigger bigger bigger.

(April 2006)

 

KNOWLEDGE NEXT

Knowledge is next to
Nothing.

(April 2006)

 

SISSY SCHOOL

Let's all go to
Sissy School
So we can be
Generic.
Let's all go to
Sissy School so
We can be like
Erik.

(April 2006)

 

TITS AND TEETH

Tits and teeth.
You only really
Think about them
When they
Hurt.

(April 2006)

 

FATHER FART

Our Father
Who farts in Heaven.
Hallowed be
Thy farts.

(April 2006)

 

NERVE SWERVE

The nerve of some people.
The verb of some people.
The curve of some people.
The swerve of some people.

(April 2006)

 

SQUEAL PIG

Squeal pig squeal.
Squeal about the car.
Squeal pig squeal.
Squeal about the clothing.
Squeal pig squeal.
Squeal about celebrities.
Squeal pig squeal.
Now STOP.

(March 2006)

 

PENNY

A penny for your thoughts.
A penny for your pumps.
A penny for your napkins.
A penny for your hairspray.

(March 2006)

 

BUMMER

You got a new job.
Bummer.
You won the lottery.
Bummer.
You made it through surgery.
Bummer.

(March 2006)

 

SORRY

So sorry
To see you.
So sorry
To hear you.
So sorry
To be near you.
So sorry
To know you.

(March 2006)

 

CONKY

Conky this Conky that.
Conky, Conky, Conky cat.
Conky me, Conky you.
Conky Ted and Tammy too.
Conky is as Conky does.
Conky is and
Conky was.

(March 2006)

 

PRECIOUS

Life is precious.
Life is fair.
Life seeps through your
Underwear.

(March 2006)

 

LIVID IN INDIA

Livianne and David are
Livid in India.

(March 2006)

 

TABLE CRAWL

Here's the church and
Here's the stable.
Open the doors and
Crawl under the table.

(March 2006)

 

WISH SHOE

I wish I were me.
I wish I were you.
I wish I were fifty bucks
Stuck inside a
Shoe.

(March 2006)

 

WORDOPHOBIA

Which words
Are okay and
Which words
Are not
Okay?

(March 2006)

 

DEMOCRATIC

Democracies prove
That the majority of people
Are always
Wrong.

(February 2006)

 

OUR GOVERNMENT

Our government is so full of lies,
Full of lies,
Full of lies.
Our government is so full of lies,
How could anyone believe in it?

Our government is such a farce,
Such a farce,
Such a farce.
Our government is such a farce,
How could anyone take it seriously?

Our government is so corrupt,
So corrupt,
So corrupt.
Our government is so corrupt
That we would all be better off without it.

(February 2006)

 

SHUT UP ABOUT IT

The world is lovely so
Shut up about it.

Life is worth living so
Shut up about it.

Nothing means anything so
Shut up about it.

Shut whatever needs to be shut and
Shut up about it.

(February 2006)

 

ISN'T

Isn't she a beauty?
Isn't she beautiful?
Isn't she shitty?

Isn't he lovely?
Isn't he wonderful?
Isn't he shitty?

Isn't life cool?
Isn't life neat?
Isn't life shitty?

(February 2006)

 

POPULAR PIGS

All bow down
To the popular pigs.
All watch and listen
To the popular pigs.

Popular pigs
Come in all shapes and sizes
And in all the colors
Of the goddamn rainbow.

Popular pigs
Snort and grovel with glee
Because popular pigs
Get whatever they please.

(February 2006)


PLEASE THANK YOU

If you want to say "please"...
Don't say it.

If you want to say "thank you"...
Don't say it.

Don't say anything
To anyone
Ever.

(February 2006)


SQUIRREL

She put a feather
In her asshole
And shook it all around.

She put a rifle
In her asshole
And blew it like a clown.

She put a megaphone
In her asshole
And shouted to the world.

She put a congressman
In her asshole
And shitted like a squirrel.

(February 2006)


HOWDY DO

Howdy do, metal punk.
Howdy do to you.

Howdy do, tatooed skinhead.
Howdy do to you.

Howdy do, painted lady.
Howdy do to you.

Howdy do, generic farmhand.
Howdy do to you too.

(February 2006)


MIGHTY

I want to live
In a mighty big house.
I want to make
Mighty big sums of money.
I want to go
On mighty fine trips.
I want to have hips
Just like goddamn Mighty Mouse.

(February 2006)


GOD MAKES DRESSES

God helps those who help themselves.
God cleans those who cleanse themselves.
God helps elves who help other elves.
God makes shelves for those who make shelves themselves.
God dresses pretty for those who dress pretty themselves.
God blows his nose at those who blow their own noses.
God shakes his booty at those who shake their own booties.
God throws temper tantrums at those who throw their own temper tantrums.
God opens up fancy new popular nightclubs for those who open their own fancy new popular nightclubs.
God makes silk dresses for those who can't make their own silk dresses.

(February 2006)


DROP DOWN

Drop down and give me twenty.
Drop down and give me thirty.
Drop down and give me something just
Drop down and give.

(February 2006)


GIVE BIRTH

Give birth to puppies.
Give birth to kittens.
Give birth to chickens.
Give birth
For the hell of it.

(February 2006)


DULL AND BORING

Everyone is dull and boring,
Dull and boring,
Dull and boring.

Everything is dull and boring,
Dull and boring,
Dull and boring.

But why is everything dull and boring,
Dull and boring,
Dull and boring?

Contemplation is dull and boring,
Dull and boring,
Dull and boring.

(February 2006)

 

ARE THE SAME

Right and wrong.
Wrong and right.
Right and wrong are the same.

Good and bad.
Bad and good.
Good and bad are the same.

Life and death.
Death and life.
Life and death are the same.

Same and same.
Same and same.
Same and same are the same.

(January 2006)

 

THROWAWAY THUMBS

Sauce for the moo and
Mushes on the meow.
Her soft fushy mango,
Her neat brittle brow.

The bongo mechanics
Are tinky and toy.
The singalong hammers
With linkety snoy.

The farm full of banjo,
The finger of harm
Will bingo forever
In throwaway thumbs.

(January 2006)

 

LITTLE TACKY

Come and dance,
Little Tacky.
Come and dance the shaker.

Take your trance pills,
Little Tacky.
Take your pills and run.

Little Tacky
Tastes his snacky,
Takes his snacky home.
Little Tacky
Whupped like yacky,
Snips his rosy cone.

(January 2006)

 

DOLLY MUCOUS

All that we are
Is dolly mucous.
All that we can be
Is dolly mucous.

I fell in love with
Dolly mucous.

She followed me home
Like hocus pukus.

She met at the corner
Of holly polly.

She stared at the stump
Of hoity toity.

(January 2006)

 

SALT AND PEPPER POPPA

Sad and lonely
Salt and Pepper Poppa
Sits alone at his table
And strokes at his beard.

His mind is treble and
His body is bass.

He hasn't a shield and
He hasn't a trace.

(January 2006)

 

SHE HAD A MAD BAD BABY

She was angry and lost
So she had a mad bad baby.
The worst of the baddest of bad.

The baby grew up.
She pushed it away.

But the baby came back,
Badder and madder than ever.

She held the mad bad baby.
It chewed her to pieces
On that terrible wonderful day.

(January 2006)

 

RUBBER GLOB

Oh rubber glob
Who art in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come
They will be done
On earth as it is in
Rubber glob.

(January 2006)

 

SHEEPLE

Sheeple here.
Sheeple there.
Sheeple, sheeple
Everywhere.

Never will they
Feel the flame
For all the sheeple
Act the same.

(January 2006)

 

WAH WAH WOMB

Live and die
In wah wah womb.

Stay inside
Of wah wah womb.

Cut in two
The wah wah womb.

Stay inside
The wah wah tomb.

(January 2006)

 

NUT

Twinkle twinkle
Little nut.
How I wonder
What is
What.

(November 2004)

 

SHACKY DUMPLING

Throw me your hands,
Shacky Dumpling squirt.
Lend me your gear slinks
My Shacky Dumpling dingy.

Your ears are stout and phony,
Your mother cleans a pony.
With all the strappy poo-plack
It seems like crop and doo-lakk.

Ponder some zooey stuff and
Let your crazy razor do the lifting.
Pack your paper bag with lazy pumpkin
And do the shrink-wrap boogie with lumpkin.

Missy Lumpkin.
What a name.
Missy Lumpkin.
Down the drain.

Donate your
Goddamn money to the
Shacky Dumpling
Of your goddamn choice.

(September 2004)

 

OLYMPIC DUMPS

Every Olympic person
Is a real Olympic Dump.
Every Olympic anything
Is a real Olympic nothing.

Olympics show just
How much emphasis people put
On things that should never really matter
In the first place.

So you can jump really high.
Congratulations, Olympic Dump.
So you can throw a ball really far.
Congratulations, Olympic Dump.
So you can run really fast.
We are all so impressed with you, Olympic Lumpy Dump.
You can do all kinds of stupid, dull stuff
Better than others can.
What a sorry sister you are, Olympic Dump.
You can compete all you want,
But you'll always be a Dump.

Olympic Dumps
Will save the day.
When Olympic Dumps
Just go away.

(September 2004)

 

SHAMPOO YOUR RECTUM

When showers time comes
And there's no one to see
Shampoo your rectum
With power and glee.

There's no time like presents
Except just like pests.
There's no time whatever,
To stash all the guests.

Dreamboats are not boats and
Empires are not fires.
Rectums is all dirty
Unless they gets shampooed, that is.

So shampoo often,
Shampoo well.
Shampoo 'til
You rot in Hell.

(June 2004)

 

BAMBI DIAPERS

There is a world
A different world
And it is filled with
Bambi Diapers.

Bambi Diapers
Curdle and whey.
That is the way
They know they must stay.

When Bambi Diapers
Curl up and die.
That is the day
We all say bye bye.

(June 2004)

 

GOD IS A POODLE

God is a poodle
With ticks and worms
He scratches the ditches
And creams in the storm.
His bitchy old woman
Is watching the seas
As God picks his wisdom
With curry and cheese.

(June 2004)

 

WEDDING WIPERS

The day we change our
Windshield wipers
That will be our
Wedding Day.

(May 2004)

 

PUSSY MAGIC

Stretch the wrong thing
Until the witch crowns.
Watch the wrong fawn
With magazine hounds.

We all fall for
Pussy magic.
Just like the kings
And the cheese dogs of old.

Pass the wrong side dish
And kick the wrong dog hole.
Wax the wrong sassy-poo
And pluck off the stove porch.

We all smell for
Mussy pagic.
Just like the magic
We cracked in our corn.
Just like the magic
We raped when we stacked it.
Just like the pussy
That made magic Mary.

(April 2004)

 

GUYS WITH NOSE RINGS

Guys with nose rings are
Terrible things.
Thinking they are unique
They strut around like freaks...
Making sensible adults
Shudder in disgust.

Guys with nose rings are
Manipulated like strings.
Thinking they are exceptional
They all really look identical...
Instead of showing their masculinity
In reality they display
Their faggot sensibilities.

Guys with nose rings are just like
Girls with nose rings are just like
Guys with nose rings are just like
Girls with nose rings.
They're all scum sucking generic freaks.

(April 2004)

 

LONGER

The longer
We live
The shittier
The world gets.

(January 2004)

 

AMERICA THE DOUBTFUL

Why on earth
Would anyone fight
For a country
That isn't worth
Fighting for
In the first place?

(December 2003)

 

WARM VOMIT

Find the warm vomit
That is sitting in your head.
Feel the vomit,
Touch the vomit,
Bleed until you're dead.

Spread the vomit smoothly
Until heaven comes along.
Spread it over continents
Until it is all gone.

Eat the vomit giblets
With tenacity and love.
Give the giblets groovy rings
And keep them in a glove.

Even dogs don't get the joke
When they're not so warm.
Vomit doggies comatose,
Nailed inside a barn.

(November 2003)

 

CHRISTOPHER REEVE

The freak that wouldn't
Say goodbye.
Die freak,
Die.

 

ACCEPTANCE

It's okay
For me
To be a bastard.


ASS GRAVY

Ass Gravy
Is tender and beautiful.
Ass Gravy
Makes me want to cry.
Ass Gravy unifies our planet
And makes little poodles
Square dance in the mud.


BIBLE

What does the Bible say?
It says nothing.


BLIND

I can't see
A goddamn
Thing.


BOO BOO

Boo Boo was Yogi's sex slave.
Yogi forced Boo Boo
To drink his urine.
Yogi made Boo Boo
Eat his feces.
There's a lot that went on
That they never let us see
Between Yogi and Boo Boo.


CAPITAL PUNISHMENT

Don't kill
Your fellow man.
Let the government
Do that.


CHEWING A LEG OFF

Chewing it off.
Chewing it off.
Chewing it off.
Snap.


DISTANCE

The distance
Between any two points
Is annoying.


EXCLUSIVELY GAY

Shop at
Exclusively gay stores.
Attend
Exclusively gay parties.
Crack
Exclusively gay jokes.
Be
Self-absorbed and boring.


FABRIC OF OUR SOCIETY

Watch as the
Fabric of our society
Unravels and falls apart.
It was bad fabric
Anyway.


FAMILY

A pain in the ass
Forever and ever.
Family.
Totally fucked up
Till the end of eternity.
Family.
Whose fault is it
That things are
The way they are?
Horrible and ugly.
Family.


FEMINISTS

Let's
Get rid of them.


FORGOTTEN

I've forgotten what I did.
I've forgotten who I am.
I've forgotten what's important.
I forgot to check the biscuits.


FRANCE

France is a
Bad place.


HEAD

Rub the head.
Rub the head.


IGNORANCE

Self-imposed ignorance
Is a wonderful thing.
The less you know,
The clearer you dream.
The more you ignore,
The better things seem.


IMPOSSIBALLS

Your balls
Refuse
To follow instructions.


MUSCLES

Your muscles and
My muscles are
Lying on the floor
In a neat little pile.
They are not moving.


NUDITY KILLS

People without clothes
Will dry up and
Blow away.


NUT WHORE

I'm a nut whore.
There's nothing
I won't do
For nuts.
Oh, to be a
Nut whore.
Who could ask
For more?


OPERATION CANCELLED

We have decided
Not to
Operate.


OPINION

Opinions are like assholes.
Everybody has them
And they're all
Shitty.


REPRODUCTION

Reproduction is a very
Ugly thing.


RUPTURE

Describe how
The rupture
Felt.


SELF IMPORTANCE

How did your
Head get so big?


STARS TOO

Stars shoot up.
Me too.


STILLBORN

I will
Always remember you
That way.


SUDDEN KITTEN DEATH

If a kitten dies and
No one is around to
Observe it dying,
Is the kitten really dead?

©1997-2017 LMNOP aka dONW7

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