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Barack Hussein Obama Jokes ~ Christopher Reeve Jokes ~ Doodoo Jokes ~ Fag Jokes ~ Homicide Jokes ~ Hurricane Katrina Jokes ~ Iraqi Prisoner Abuse Jokes ~ Michael Jackson Jokes ~ Michelle Obama Jokes & Barack Obama's Daughters Jokes ~ Miscellaneous Jokes ~ Murder Jokes ~ Pregnancy Jokes ~ Space Shuttle Columbia Jokes ~ Story Jokes ~ Tsunami Disaster Jokes
Michelle Obama Jokes & Barack Obama's Daughters Jokes
Q: What does Michelle Obama do after she finishes scratching her moist bloody rectum?
A: She sniffs her fingers and licks them clean.
Q: What do you get when you saw off Michelle Obama's breasts?
A: All high and giggly.
Q: Why do Barack Obama's daughters always have to go the bathroom?
A: Because they're both so full of shit.
Q: Why does Barack Obama jack off in Michelle's hair?
A: Because its the only thing that will help calm down all the excessive kink.
Q: Why do all the other children throw rocks at Barack Obama's daughters?
A: Because they hate them.
Q: What would happen if Michelle Obama was suddenly diagnosed with ovarian cancer?
A: Everyone would just laugh and laugh and laugh.
Q: What is the difference between Michelle Obama's face and the festering bloated rectum of a dying warthog?
A: There is no difference.
Q: Why did the pit bull eat Barack Obama's daughters?
A: Because it was hungry.
Q: Why did Michelle Obama marry a closet homosexual?
A: Because her vagina was too dry and insignificant to handle a real man.
Q: What are Barack Obama's daughters generally referred to as?
A: Birth defects.
Q: What do Jacquelyn Kennedy Onassis and Michelle Obama have in common?
A: Nothing.
Q: What would happen to Barack Obama's daughters if they were dropped in the middle of the ocean?
A: They would drown.
Q: Is Michelle Obama magnetic and charismatic or disgusting and repugnant?
A: Disgusting and repugnant.
Q: Why do Michelle Obama's daughters stay with her?
A: Because she feeds them and gives them a place to stay.
Q: How much would Barack Obama's daughters bring on the black market?
A: Not very much.
Q: Why did Michelle Obama and her daughters cross the road?
A: Because they were being chased by ten thousand rednecks with guns and rope.
Q: What did one Michelle Obama say to the other Michelle Obama?
A: It said, "Damn, you are just about as ugly and retarded as I am, bitch!"
Q: How do Barack Obama's daughters get passing grades at school?
A: They cheat.
Q: What is the first thing Barack Obama's daughters said when they were babies?
A: They said, "Eeek! Eeek!"
Q: Why is Michelle Obama always walking around exposing her rectum to strangers?
A: Because she wants to make sure that they know what a filthy shitty asshole she really is.
Q: What do Barack Obama's daughters dream about at night?
A: They dream that they are white and that they don't have nappy hair.
Q: What kind of T-shirts do Barack Obama's daughters wear?
A: Ones that say MY DADDY IS THE NEW HITLER on front.
Q: What day is it when Michelle Obama and her daughters eat watermellon and fried chicken?
A: Every day.
Q: How long does Michelle Obama's menstrual cycle last?
A: Forever. It is perpetual.
Q: What does Michelle Obama do when she gets excited?
A: She jumps up and down and farts.
Q: Would everyone celebrate if Michelle Obama was brutally raped and murdered and left alone in a cornfield to rot?
A: Yes.
Q: Are Barack Obama's daughters pathetic reminders of what worthless retards their parents are?
A: Most definitely.
Q: Why does Michelle Obama wear so much make up?
A: Because she is trying so desperately hard to hide the fact that she is physically deformed and repulsive.
Q: Why did Barack Hussein Obama cross the road?
A: Because everyone finally opened their eyes and ears and realized that he was an asshole.
Q: What is the one thing that Barack Hussein Obama doesn't know how to change?
A: His diaper.
Q: Why do black people vote for Barack Hussein Obama?
A: Because they will vote for anyone who is even slightly black no matter what their position is on anything.
Q: How many Barack Hussein Obama's does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the light bulb while the other talks about changing it for the next six months.
Q: What does Barack Hussein Obama smell like?
A: Freshly liquefied cow turds mixed with the vomit of an old retarded woman.
Q: Who likes Barack Hussein Obama?
A: Mindless assholes.
Q: Where does Oprah Winfrey go to the bathroom?
A: Inside Barack Hussein Obama's mouth.
Q: What does Barack Hussein Obama's mouth look like?
A: The dried-up horizontal vagina of a prostitute from Harlem.
Q: Should someone assassinate Barack Hussein Obama?
A: Now there's an idea.
Q: What does Barack Hussein Obama have in common with Michael Jackson?
A: They both talk like sissies and they both like to pretend that they are white.
Q: What does Barack Hussein Obama have in common with a monkey?
A: They both like to climb trees and eat bananas.
Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: It said, "The simple fact that Barack Hussein Obama is even in the running for President of the United States proves how pitifully retarded everyone is."
Q: Why did Barack Hussein Obama have sex with Oprah Winfrey?
A: Because he knew it would make the fat pig oink up tons of cash for him.
Q: What is the difference between Barack Hussein Obama and a pile of feces?
A: There is no difference.
Q: Why did Ted Kennedy endorse Barack Hussein Obama?
A: Because he's a feeble and senile old man who has completely lost touch with reality.
Q: Why do so many people gather around to hear Barack Hussein Obama speak?
A: Because they are idiots.
Q: Why is Barack Hussein Obama so horribly goddamn ugly?
A: Because that's the way God made him.
Q: What would Barack Hussein Obama do with a poster of Jesus?
A: He would throw darts at it.
Q: What would you get if you jammed fifty large butcher knives through Barack Hussein Obama's torso?
A: A thrilling sensation of satisfaction.
Q: Does Barack Hussein Obama still do cocaine?
A: Yes, constantly.
Q: What does Barack Hussein Obama do for entertainment?
A: He straps his wife and children to chairs and farts in their faces.
Q: Who does God hate more than anyone else in the world?
A: Barack Hussein Obama.
Q: What is another name for Satan?
A: Barack Hussein Obama.
Q: Who was the mastermind behind the 911 attacks?
A: Barack Hussein Obama.
Q: Who is responsible for everything bad that happens?
A: Barack Hussein Obama.
Q: What will we get when Barack Hussein Obama is elected President of the United States of America?
A: A country that is in even worse shape than it was when supreme asswipe George W. Bush was in charge.
Q: Why did God make Hurricane Katrina destroy New Orleans when he did?
A: Because he heard that thousands of obnoxious drunk homosexuals were coming there the next week and he wanted to rain on their parade.
Q: What was really neat about Hurricane Katrina?
A: She killed and destroyed everything in her path.
Q: How much money will it cost to rebuild after Hurricane Katrina?
A: Who cares?
Q: How many people did Hurricane Katrina kill?
A: Five or six.
Q: Why did Katrina have wrath?
A: Because it was her time of the month.
Q: What did one Hurricane Katrina say to the other Hurricane Katrina?
A: It said, "Watching assholes drown is so cool."
Q: What is the saddest part about Hurricane Katrina?
A: George W. Bush wasn't there when she hit.
Q: Why did people crawl on their roofs and scream for help after Hurricane Katrina hit?
A: Because they were frightened pussies.
Q: Why will everyone rebuild the cities that were destroyed by Hurricane Katrina?
A: Because people are too stupid to learn from experience.
Q: What was God's greatest gift to Louisiana and Mississippi?
A: Hurricane Katrina.
Q: How do you solve a problem like Katrina?
A: You don't.
Q: What category was Hurricane Katrina?
A: The Fun and Silly Category.
Q: What will the people whose lives were destroyed by Hurricane Katrina do?
A: They will make lots of extra money by appearing on talk shows and whining about their losses.
Q: What did Laura Bush do when she heard about all the damage caused by Hurricane Katrina?
A: She farted.
Q: What did Hurricane Katrina encourage people to do?
A: Learn how to swim.
Q: Was New Orleans a rotten city that wasn't worth shit in the first place?
A: Yes.
Q: Was the coastline of Mississippi pretty much worthless except for the fact that it could generate loads of money for the state by taking advantage of assholes who were addicted to gambling?
A: Yes.
Q: Does God hate the people whose lives were ruined by Hurricane Katrina?
A: He sure does.
Q: Will prayers and donations do anything to help those whose lives were ruined by Hurricane Katrina?
A: Absolutely not.
Q: How long will it take to rebuild the cities that were destroyed by Hurricane Katrina?
A: About twenty minutes.
Q: Where did Hurricane Katrina go to the bathroom?
A: All over the place.
Q: Why does God let disasters like Hurricane Katrina happen?
A: Because he likes to have a good chuckle every now and then.
Q: What did Hurricane Katrina do to the price of gas?
A: She made it happy.
Q: How will the economy be affected by Hurricane Katrina?
A: It won't.
Q: Why are the worst hurricanes always named after females?
A: Because the worst things in the world are females.
Q: What did the people of New Orleans nickname Hurricane Katrina?
A: The French Quarter Pounder.
Q: What did Hurricane Katrina do?
A: She fixed herself a drink and sat down for a chat.
Q:Why does everyone shit and piss in the flood waters left by Hurricane Katrina?
A: Because they can't find their toilets.
Q: What is Hurricane Katrina's favorite hobby?
A: She likes knitting colorful baby clothes.
Q: How many people died in the Tsunami Disaster?
A: Not enough.
Q: How did the Tsunami Disaster child cross the road?
A: It just clung onto a palm tree and away it went.
Q: Why did Europeans quit vacationing in Thailand?
A: Because 10,000 of them died on the beaches there.
Q: How does a Tsunami Disaster victim change a light bulb?
A: It can't because there isn't any electricity.
Q: What do you call it when everyone joins together to offer aid and relief to the victims of the Tsunami Disaster?
A: Stupidity.
Q: What are floods?
A: Harmless.
Q: What is the emotional trauma that many victims will suffer for years to come?
A: Hilarious.
Q: Why were most of the Tsunami Disaster victims children?
A: Because they were too stupid to live.
Q: What do you call it when there are 150,000 rotting corpses laying around all over the place?
A: Great video footage.
Q: What did the Tsunami Disaster mother say when she could no longer cling to her children?
A: She said, "There's more where those came from."
Q: What will happen to the victims of the Tsunami Disaster?
A: Who cares?
Q: What do Tsunami Disaster victims use for fertilizer?
A: Each other.
Q: Why did the Tsunami Disaster victims die?
A: To provide quality entertainment for the rest of the world.
Q: Why is the Tsunami Disaster silly?
A: Because it didn't really happen.
Q: What do you call the people who donate their money to help the victims of the Tsunami Disaster?
A: Retards.
Q: What is the stupidest thing that people can do when their country is completely destroyed by a natural disaster?
A: Pick up the pieces and rebuild.
Q: Who caused the Tsunami Disaster to happen?
A: God.
Q: What did the Teletubbies say when the Tsunami floods had subsided?
A: They said, "Again! Again!"
Q: How do you tell one Tsunami Disaster victim from another?
A: You can't.
Q: What do Tsunami Disaster victims do for entertainment?
A: They stick out their arms and run towards helicopters.
Q: How long will it take the Tsunami Disaster victims to replenish their population?
A: About nine or ten months.
Q: What do the Tsunami Disaster victims call garbage bags?
A: Coffins.
Q: What was Christopher Reeve's favorite band?
A: The Talking Heads.
Q: What did Christopher Reeve like to do best?
A: Suck on a plastic tube while rolling around in a chair.
Q: Which part of Christopher Reeve just refused to die?
A: His ugly goddamn head.
Q: What did Christopher Reeve get for all of the millions of dollars he spent on rehabilitation?
A: He could finally wiggle his index finger a little tiny bit.
Q: How did Christopher Reeve masturbate?
A: He couldn't.
Q: What happened to Christopher Reeve's testicles?
A: They dried up and fell off.
Q: Should we admire Christopher Reeve or laugh at him?
A: We should laugh at him.
Q: Did Christopher Reeve become the shell of the man he once was?
A: Absolutely.
Q: What made Christopher Reeve really, really mad?
A: When he unloaded a big warm sloppy dump and no one was around to change his diaper for him.
Q: What did Christopher Reeve's family think of him?
A: They were very ashamed and embarrassed.
Q: Was Christopher Reeve a positive role model?
A: No.
Q: Was Christopher Reeve a retarded cripple freak that should have died years ago?
A: Yes.
Q: What does Jesus think of Christopher Reeve?
A: He hates him and he is glad that he is dead.
Q: If Michael Jackson and Christopher Reeve bore a child together, what would it have been called?
A: Either LeRoy or Amos.
Q: How did Christopher Reeve and his wife have sex?
A: They didn't.
Q: What did Christopher Reeve do in his spare time?
A: He cruised the internet for homosexual pornography.
Q: What did Christopher Reeve really like?
A: Sedatives and pain killers.
Q: What did Christopher Reeve do when no one was around?
A: Nothing.
Q: What did Christopher Reeve do when his friends were around?
A: Nothing.
Q: What did Christopher Reeve do?
A: Nothing.
Q: What could Chrisopher Reeve do?
A: Nothing.
Q: What was Christopher Reeve?
A: Nothing.
Q: Why didn't Christopher Reeve ever fix his own meals?
A: Because he couldn't.
Q: What did Christopher Reeve do during the holidays?
A: He sat.
Q: What did Christopher Reeve do for a living?
A: He sat.
Q: What did Christopher Reeve do most of the time?
A: He sat and got mad because all he can do was sit.
Q: How could you tell Christopher Reeve from a slug?
A: The slug was the one without a tube in its mouth.
Q: Why wouldn't Christopher Reeve just give up and die?
A: Because he was an idiot.
Q: What would Christopher Reeve have done if he had gotten worms?
A: He would have sat around getting really upset because he couldn't scratch.
Q: What do Christopher Reeve and Hitler have in common?
A: They're both dead muthuf*ckers.
Q: Was Christopher Reeve an asshole?
A: Yes.
Q: Why did we write these mean jokes about Christopher Reeve?
A: Because it just seemed like the right thing to do.
Q: What did Christopher Reeve do in the morning?
A: Nothing.
Q: What did Christopher Reeve do at night?
A: Nothing.
Q: Does anyone really care now that Christopher Reeve is finally and completely dead?
A: No.
Q: Why did the Iraqi Prisoner cross the road?
A: Because it wanted to be electrocuted and have its testicles chewed off by dogs.
Q: Why do Iraqi Prisoners take off their clothes and put hoods on their heads?
A: Because they want to look sexy for the camera.
Q: Why do U.S. Soldiers abuse Iraqi Prisoners?
A: Because they can.
Q: Why did the female U.S. Soldier smile and point at the Iraqi Prisoner's penis?
A: Because she knew that it would make her famous.
Q: How many naked Iraqi Prisoners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to hold the light bulb and six more to lay in a naked heap on the floor.
Q: What did one Iraqi Prisoner say to the other Iraqi Prisoner?
A: It said, "We are going to be very wealthy soon because of all the publicity photos that are being taken of us here in prison. That is very good, yes, yes."
Q: What did the Iraqi Prisoner say after it had been beaten and sodomized with a broom handle?
A: It said, "Do it again, if you please."
Q: Why do Iraqi Prisoners wear hoods on their heads?
A: Because they have ugly goddamn heads.
Q: Why did the Iraqi Prisoner shit all over itself?
A: Because it liked laying in a pile of its own shit.
Q: What do you get when you kick the hell out of an Iraqi Prisoner?
A: Pure gratification.
Q: Why do Iraqi Prisoners engage in homosexual sex acts?
A: Because they are kinky and confused little suckers.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson have sex with the young Iraqi Prisoner boy?
A: Because he knew that if it tried to squeal no one would understand a word it was saying.
Q: Why are Iraqi Prisoners such funny things?
A: Because no matter what you do to them they just lay there and take it.
Q: Why does everyone make such a big deal out of U.S. Soldiers torturing Iraqi Prisoners?
A: Because people are idiots.
Q: What do you get when you withhold food from an Iraqi Prisoner?
A: A nice solid feeling of accomplishment.
Q: Why did the Iraqi Prisoner bleed all over the floor?
A: Because it was all cut up and no one would give it any bandages.
Q: Why is it okay to beat Iraqi Prisoners?
A: Because their names are virtually impossible to pronounce.
Q: How does an Iraqi Prisoner know what time it is?
A: It doesn't.
Q: Why did the Iraqi Prisoner get burned and whipped?
A: Because that's what it deserved.
Q: What is the best thing about Iraqi Prisoners?
A: They have to do whatever you tell them to do and if they don't you get to abuse them even more.
Q: What did the Iraqi Prisoner get for Christmas?
A: Nothing.
Q: Why is the difference between blowing up people in Iraq with bombs and abusing them in a prison?
A: There is no difference.
Q: What do Iraqi Prisoners like to do best?
A: They like to stand around naked with hoods on their heads showing off their tiny little penises to anyone who is stupid enough to look.
Q: If Iraqi Prisoners don't like being in prison, what should they do?
A: They should leave.
Q: Why don't Iraqi Prisoners ever talk back?
A: Because if they do, they'll get killed.
Q: Why did the Iraqi Prisoner have a pathetic little erection?
A: Because getting beaten really hard with a car antenna made it horny.
Q: Why did the Iraqi Prisoner have a bloody bowel movement?
A: Because its daily beatings had tore its insides all to pieces.
Q: What do you call an Iraqi Prisoner?
A: Anything you want.
Q: What do you do with an Iraqi Prisoner?
A: Anything you want.
Q: What do you do with an Iraqi Prisoner after it is dead?
A: Anything you want.
Q: What is the difference between an Iraqi Prisoner and a cow turd?
A: The cow turd doesn't have a hood over its head.
Q: What do Iraqi Prisoners do best?
A: Cower and tremble.
Q: What are Iraqi Prisoners?
A: Ugly, stupid, and worthless.
Q: Are all Iraqi Prisoners homosexual perverts?
A: Yes.
Q: Does it matter what happens to Iraqi Prisoners?
A: No.
Q: If Iraqi Prisoners don't want to be abused then why do they stay there in prison?
A: Because the truth is they likes it there.
Q: What would Aunt Jemima do with an Iraqi Prisoner if she had one?
A: She would sodomize it and then give it some electrical shocks.
Q: If an Iraqi Prisoner screams and no one is around to hear it scream, what does it mean?
A: Nothing.
Q: What do you call it when a man kills his wife?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call it when a mother kills her children?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call it when a black man shoots a white man?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call it when a lesbian cuts the throat of her lover in a jealous rage fueled by crystal speed?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call it when a bar full of homosexuals are brutally murdered with poison gas?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call it when a grandmother is strangled and left for dead?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call it when a teenager goes on a shooting spree at school?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call it when a juvenile murders another juvenile?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call it when a famous actress's throat is cut and her unborn fetus is severed from her uterus while she hopelessly cries for help and eventually dies?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call it when a mother leaves her baby to drown in a public toilet?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call it when one person kills another person?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call it?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What is it?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What is another name for justifiable homicide?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What is justifiable homicide?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What did the door-to-door salesman do?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call it when you take a dump inside your underwear and you don't even realize it?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call it when you can't think of any other answers?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What is puppets?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: How many doodoo blisters does it take to punch off the dusty bubble sparkle?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What is rotted pussy?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do nice people do?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What did everyone do to Jesus with nails on the cross?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: Why is everyone shitty?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: Why is this world so ugly?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: Why is everybody so miserable and unhappy?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do goddamn mean?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do dubbuh goddamn mean?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: Why is we untreatable?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do yo mammy do?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do yo brutha mammy do?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do yo baby daddy do?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you do...or don't you do?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What? What? What?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: Clocks and clocks and more clocks?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: Let's play ping pong?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: Is that somebody at the door?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you do when you don't know what else to do?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What is the only thing that matters?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you plead when you don't know what you're pleading for?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: How do you do?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: Your father is going to be very angry when he sees what you did to your sister?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: How come my underwear don't stink like everybody else's do?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: Is you a whore?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: Or is yo sister a whore?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: Goddamn every single goddamn one of you what is to read this jokes because we obviously doesn't cares about readers and not even if we kin spill rite and even have reel batt gramar own purpuss, okay?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call murder when you get away with it?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What do you call it when you just wanna get high and have some happy funtime?
A: Justifiable homicide.
Q: What does it mean if there's corn in your doodoo?
A: It means you musta ate some corn.
Q: How can you tell if your doodoo is warm enough?
A: Hold it in the palm of your hand and move it around with your fingers.
Q: What does it mean if there's blood in your doodoo?
A: It means you musta be bleeding somewhere inside.
Q: How do you make your doodoo dance?
A: Stuff a twenty inside of it.
Q: What do you get when you put chili on your doodoo?
A: A chili doodoo.
Q: What do you get when you dip your doodoo in chocolate?
A: A chocolate-dipped doodoo.
Q: What do you get when you put candy sprinkles on your doodoo?
A: A dessert doodoo.
Q: What time is it when your doodoo starts talking to you?
A: It is time to let your fingers do the walking.
(Alternative answer: It is time to quit playing with your doodoo.)
Q: What do you get when you spread butter all over your doodoo?
A: You get some very slippery doodoo.
Q: What would Jesus doodoo?
A: Just about anything if he was given the opportunity.
Q: What do you call folks who can't control their doodoo?
A: Annette or Charlie.
Q: Is black doodoo better than light brown doodoo?
A: Yes.
Q: What do you call doodoo that keeps changing colors?
A: Psychedelic doodoo.
Q: What do you do if you accidentally lob a doodoo in your panties?
A: Try to stand as still as you possibly can.
Q: What does Tammy Faye's doodoo look like?
A: It is covered in mascara.
Q: What do you use to measure doodoo?
A: A ruler.
Q: Why does doodoo smell?
A: Because that's the way God planned it.
Q: When do you put gravy on doodoo?
A: When it is served with noodles.
Q: What did the big doodoo say to the little doodoo?
A: It said, "Hey, NEAT! We're doodoos that can TALK!"
Q: Why does a dog eat his own doodoo?
A: Because he can.
Q: What is the quickest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his doodoo.
Q: What is the difference between doodoo and a gerbil?
A: One goes in, the other goes out.
Q: What do you use to iron a doodoo?
A: An iron.
Q: What does Paul McCartney's doodoo look like?
A: His dead wife Linda.
Q: What is magic doodoo?
A: Doodoo that plays tricks on you.
Q: What does doodoo do when it gets embarrassed?
A: It gets all flushed.
Q: Why does a cat bury its doodoo?
A: Because it can't remember where it was.
Q: What is doodoo that doesn't have much of an opinion on anything?
A: Passive doodoo.
Q: What do you get when you polish your doodoo?
A: Some very shiny doodoo.
Q: Why is there so much doodoo in the world?
A: Because the world is made of doodoo.
Q: What did the terrorist say to his doodoo?
A: He said, "If you were a jet I'd fly you into the side of a goddamn building."
Q: What does doodoo do when it gets scared?
A: It stains things.
Q: What is doodoo?
A: It is a place to go when you feel lonely.
Q: Why is Robin Williams' doodoo NOT FUNNY AT ALL?
A: Like father, like son.
Q: How many doodoos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. Two to hold the lamp and one for the goddamn hell of it.
Q: What did the crew of the Space Shuttle Columbia become?
A: Flying chunks of barbecue.
Q: What should you do if you find a piece of the Space Shuttle Columbia?
A: Put it on eBay.
Q: Did the crew of the Space Shuttle Columbia die in vain?
A: Yes.
Q: Why must we find every charred body part of the crew members of the Space Shuttle Columbia as quickly as possible?
A: Because dogs aren't always man's best friend.
Q: Were the crew members of the Space Shuttle Columbia fools?
A: Seems like it now.
Q: What is the difference between the crew of the Space Shuttle Columbia and the Rolling Stones?
A: The Rolling Stones survived.
Q: Why did the Space Shuttle Columbia break up?
A: Because it met someone new.
Q: Where did the Space Shuttle Columbia land?
A: Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama.
Q: What were the crew members of the Space Shuttle Columbia doing when their ship burst into flames?
A: They were smoking a joint.
Q: Why did God let the Space Shuttle Columbia blow up?
A: Because he didn't like the people that were inside.
Q: Why did the crew members of the Space Shuttle Columbia fail?
A: Because they just couldn't take the heat.
Q: What did the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster prove?
A: That space exploration is a very good thing.
Q: What is the lesson to be learned from the Space Shuttle Columbia?
A: Astronauts always get burned.
Q: How many Space Shuttle Columbia crew members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They can't screw in light bulbs because they're all dead.
Q: Should anyone really give a damn that the Space Shuttle Columbia blew up?
A: No.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson keep looking in the mirror?
A: Because he can't remember what he looks like.
Q: Where is Michael Jackson's nose?
A: In the wastebasket of a medical facility in California.
Q: What would Michael Jackson like more than anything else in the world?
A: To have his penis removed and replaced with a vagina.
Q: What is Michael Jackson's real name?
A: Michael Jackson.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson stop dancing?
A: Because his nose got cut off.
Q: Is Michael Jackson a child molesting faggot?
A: Probably.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson's voice sound like a woman?
A: Because he is a woman.
Q: What is Michael Jackson's favorite color?
A: White.
Q: What happened to Michael Jackson's face?
A: He messed it up trying to look pretty.
Q: What is Michael Jackson?
A: A deformed freak.
Q: How does Michael Jackson answer the door?
A: He doesn't. Doors can't talk.
Q: What church does Michael Jackson attend?
A: The United Church of Noseless White Ladies.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson dangle his child over the side of a balcony?
A: Because he was hoping it might fall and die.
Q: What does Michael Jackson do every afternoon?
A: He watches Sesame Street and masturbates.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson quit the Jackson Five?
A: Because he didn't like hanging around with illiterate negroes.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson piss on the reporter?
A: Because the reporter was trying to take pictures of him from inside the toilet.
Q: What did Michael Jackson learn from Diana Ross?
A: How to apply makeup and pick up men.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson shit on the sofa?
A: Because he didn't feel like getting up and going to the bathroom.
Q: Is Michael Jackson black?
A: Not anymore.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson keep a cucumber inserted in his rectum at all times?
A: Because it reminds him where he came from.
Q: Why did the two fags hold hands and cross the road?
A: Because they were retarded.
Q: Why did God invent AIDS?
A: To decrease the number of homosexuals.
Q: Why are there Pride marches?
A: Because there are lots of idiots in the world.
Q: How many homosexuals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Between ten and seventy.
Q: Why are gay people usually fired from their jobs?
A: Because they make lousy employees.
Q: What's the difference between a homosexual and a toilet?
A: You could kiss a toilet if you had to.
Q: What do you call a lesbian with no arms and legs?
A: Tanya.
Q: What do you say to a gay men right after his lover has died?
A: "You're next."
Q: Why do gay men like to drink?
A: Because they're confused and weak.
Q: Why are homosexuals like a six-pack?
A: Because you always feel better after they're gone.
Q: Is a lesbian a room deodorizer?
A: Yes.
Q: What do you get when you cross a faggot with a hungry alligator?
A: Something worth videotaping.
Q: Why don't homosexuals wipe their asses?
A: Because they like the smell of shit.
Q: What do people usually do when they see faggots get killed in automobile accidents?
A: Watch and laugh.
Q: Who benefits from gay rights?
A: Assholes.
Q: Why did the lesbian go to the therapist?
A: Because no one else would listen to her.
Q: How do you make a faggot shut up?
A: You can't.
Q: Why do people kill each other?
A: Because they're bored.
Q: What did the teenager say after murdering both of his parents with a shotgun?
A: He said, "Who's sorry now?"
Q: Why did the black man kill the Asian cashier in the convenience store?
A: Because black men would rather kill and steal than work.
Q: What did the bank president say when he came home and found his wife dead?
A: He said, "Hey...that's neat."
Q: What is the first thing a serial killer does with the body?
A: He looks at it.
Q: Why does everyone always seem more upset than normal when the murder victim is a child?
A: Because people are ignorant.
Q: What was the first thing that Jesus said when he was nailed to the cross?
A: He said, "Daddy...make them stop."
Q: What is the difference between a hit and run accident and diarrhea?
A: There is no difference.
Q: Whey are most killers male?
A: Because they have penises instead of vaginas.
Q: If a man kills a woman and no one sees him do it, is the woman really dead?
A: Sort of, in a way.
Q: What do you call a woman whose breasts have been removed?
A: Nancy.
Q: What did the serial killer say when asked why he drank his victims' blood?
A: He said, "Because I like it."
Q: Are most men sexually aroused by violence?
A: Yes.
Q: What is a murder mystery?
A: A murder without torture.
Q: What is the first thing you should do when your girlfriend tells you she's pregnant?
A: Kill her.
Q: Why do women have babies?
A: So men will have another reason to hate them.
Q: What is the worst thing about breast feeding?
A: Having to look at glands actually being used for the purpose for which they were intended.
Q: What is the first thing a black woman says when she gets pregnant?
A: "Where's the clinic?"
Q: Does Jesus approve of abortions?
A: No, because it is a sin to kill a living thing.
Q: What do you say to your wife when your child is born deformed?
A: "It's okay, honey. There are plenty more where that came from."
Q: What do you call a fetus in a toilet?
A: Little David.
Q: What did the flight attendant say when she gave birth to twins?
A: She said, "This is twice as bad as I thought it would be."
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Ask her if she would like to be impregnated, and then impregnate her without using contraception.
Q: Why do women eat strange things when they're pregnant?
A: Because they're stupid.
Q: How many expectant mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four. Three to hold the lamp and one to screw in the light bulb.
Q: What do you get when you cross a raccoon with a giraffe?
A: An animal that is half raccoon and half giraffe.
Q: What did the lesbian say when her baby was born dead?
A: She said, "What a relief."
Q: How can you identify really stupid people?
A: Easy. They bear children.
Q: Why do newborn babies try to crawl inside their mother's rectums?
A: Because they have nowhere to go but up.
Q: What is the difference between right and wrong?
A: There is no difference between right and wrong.
Q: What do you get when you cross a penguin with a rabbi?
A: Chewing gum dribble.
Q: Why did the priest run into the wall?
A: Because he wasn't watching where he was going.
Q: What makes children bad?
A: Their parents.
Q: What is the difference between three fingers and four fingers?
A: Three fingers fit, four fingers don't.
Q: How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Light bulbs can't screw themselves in.
Q: What does Monica Lewinsky like to do?
A: She enjoys sewing.
Q: What did the door-to-door salesman do?
A: He went from door to door selling things.
Q: Is Satan alive?
A: He sure is.
Q: What is the easiest kind of promise to break?
A: One that involves love.
Q: What do most husbands do?
A: Cheat on their wives.
Q: Is homosexuality a sin in the eyes of God?
A: Yes it is.
Q: What do you get when you cross a hamster?
A: A really angry damn hamster.
Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: It said, "Do you have a quarter?"
Q: What was "Bewitched"?
A: It was a television show.
Q: When are hippies at their best?
A: When they're dead.
Q: If God is all powerful, could he make a rock so big that he couldn't move it?
A: Sure he could, but he doesn't want to.
Q: Does anything matter?
A: No.
Q: What do you say to prissy bisexuals?
A: Don't say anything. Just walk away.
Q: Why are short men neurotic?
A: Because they were born that way.
Q: Are E-coli outbreaks serious?
A: No, but they're at least good for a few laughs.
Q: What do you do after a natural disaster kills thousands of innocent people?
A: Celebrate.
Q: What do you get when you don't return a phone call from a friend?
A: A nice pleasant feeling knowing that you've ditched someone you never really needed in the first place.
Q: What did one blonde say to the other blonde?
A: It said, "Gee, we're both blondes!"
Q: What kind of cereal makes you sick?
A: Cereal that has poison in it.
Q: What is catching criminals?
A: A waste of time and energy.
Q: Is Princess Diana really dead?
A: Yes, thank God.
Q: Should children be punished?
A: Not unless they talk.
Q: Why do policemen like doughnuts?
A: Because they're usually free.
Q: What do you call a lesbian with two heads?
A: Barbara and June.
Q: Why did Karen Carpenter like laxatives?
A: Because they helped her to lose weight.
Q: What is Oprah Winfree?
A: A goodie-two-shoes religious freak.
Q: Is public education a waste of money?
A: Yes.
Q: What did the black man say to the white man?
A: He said, "You didn't hire me because I'm black. I'm going to hire an attorney."
Q: Why are straight women always attracted to gay men and gay men are always attracted to straight men?
A: Because everyone wants what they can't have.
Q: Why do teenagers like drugs?
A: Because they like to have fun.
Q: What do you get when you cut a martian in half?
A: A dead martian.
Q: Who likes mulattos?
A: No one.
Q: Which way is up?
A: Who cares?
Q: Why are public restrooms unpleasant?
A: Because of the people who use them.
Q: Why did Adam and Eve eat the forbidden fruit?
A: Because it was forbidden.
Q: Are people ignorant and stupid?
A: Definitely.
Q: What is feminine hygiene?
A: A contradiction.
Q: Why is everyone self conscious?
A: Because they aren't good enough.
Q: Who runs for public office?
A: Retarded idiots.
Q: What do all people have in common?
A: They're all worthless.
Q: What did the blind man do after he crossed the street?
A: He ran into a telephone post.
Q: Why did the disabled child's mother take valium?
A: To help her cope with the fact that she gave birth to a disfigured human being.
Q: Why is it fun to break the law?
A: Because that's what laws are for.
Q: What do butter and margarine have in common?
A: They will both kill you eventually.
Q: Why do most parents drink?
A: Because they hate being parents.
Q: What is the AIDS crisis in Africa good for?
A: A hearty chuckle.
Q: What did Mama Cass choke on?
A: Janis Joplin's vaginal secretions.
Q: What happens every time someone farts?
A: An angel is born.
Q: What do stupid people do when they read jokes that they don't understand?
A: They send hostile e-mails to the individual that they believe wrote them.
Pat and David entered the obstetrician's office looking
obviously worried and very concerned.
"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"We've been trying and trying our hardest to conceive," said Pat.
"And nothing seems to work."
"You've just got to help, us doctor," David pleaded. "Should
we bring in semen and urine samples?"
"That won't be necessary," the doctor said with an annoyed huff.
"I'll tell you what the problem is. You're both goddamn homos."
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