LMNOP: April 2026.

* New Song People Album. The folks in the Australian band The Song People have released a brand new album called No Songs. Before you go getting all excited, you need to know in advance that the title says it all. This release (vinyl, CD, streaming and download) contains tracks that are feature over 50,000 songs playing simultaneously. It shouldn't surprise anyone that this album is far far better than 99.9999% of all the commercial releases currently available in 2026. * Another FIRST. Last month a person did something and according to every source they were the first to ever do it. It wouldn't matter at all, of course, except for the fact that critical members of the media seized upon it and realized it could temporarily increase their readership. The thing the person did was forgettable and ultimately trivial but the intense focus on the event made it appear to be magnificent and incredible. And so the cycle continues, over and over and over. People always make a big deal out of things that are insignificant dribble. * Giant Diaper Events. The latest fad to catch on across the planet? Giant Diaper Events. Residents of big cities get together and spread a huge cloth diaper on the ground at a popular large public park. Thousands of residents are then invited to appear and take a seat on the diaper. Shortly afterward a huge crane raises the diaper into the air by the corners and drops it into a giant plastic bag. The bag is sealed shut so that it is airtight. The crane then carries the diaper away and drops it into a dump. Thousands have become focused on these events because they say it makes them realize the relative importance of their lives on earth. As more and more people take part in the events more and more people become interested in becoming a part of the new wave. When will it stop? Hopefully...never. * Two New Releases From Tapete. Germany's Tapete Records has released two new albums and, as usual, they're both essential listening. The first album is from babysue favorite The Monochrome Set. We never seem to tire of this band's music. Lotus Bridge, the band's latest offering, is yet another credible and incredible collection of subtle intelligent underground pop tunes. Ten groovy tracks on this one including "Lotus Bridge," "Jenny Greenlocks," "Map of the Night Sky" and "Our Sweet Souls." Also out on Tapete is Double Exposure by Penny Arcade. This wonderfully understated band features excellent songs from James Hoare who was also in the bands Veronica Falls, Ultimate Painting and Proper Ornaments. At a point in time when most artists overproduce and overdub everything to death, the songs on Double Exposure are a refreshingly different flavor. Because the band only uses essential elements to record songs, listeners are more likely to pay attention to things that matter like melodies and lyrics. Killer cuts include "Regrets," "Early Morning," "We Used To Be Good Friends" and "Riverside Drive." Both of the latest Tapete Records releases are highly recommended... [continued below...]

No One Has Any Money

Because no one has any money to purchase things anymore it is essential that we learn to be creative in order to survive. There are so many ways to save money. That is why there are so many people searching for new ways to save money because so many of the old ways have already been exhausted. One way to save is to recycle containers we already have in our possession and fill them with everyday commodities that normally cost very little but could one day be in short supply and very expensive. For today's example, we will be creating, labeling and storing an ordinary plastic jug filled with water. Some may ask, "What's so creative about that?" Well, the creativity comes into play when we actually put thoughts into action which is apparently extremely difficult for most people. Anyone can fill a jug with water and place it on a shelf. But very few know how to label the item correctly so that it can be correctly identified at a later date. Many forget this most important part of the process. Take a jug and fill it full of water. Put a label on the counter and write the word WATER in large black letters. Then outline the black letters with a yellow highlighting pen. Then put small black dots around the letters and spray with adhesive plastic. Apply a thick clear layer of vinyl to the top of the label. Then place the label on a table so that it gets direct sunlight for at least seven hours. Take the label inside and put it in the freezer. Leave it there for two years. Then remove the label and use white out to remove the letters, highlighting and dots. Apply another thick clear layer of vinyl to the top of the label. Then wipe it clean and remove the paper backing. Apply the label to another label and then begin the process again. After you have completed the process, put the jug of water on the shelf. See how easy it can be? And...it SAVES you MONEY!

* New Things To Smear On Skin. A whole bunch of new products have come out that claim to have positive effects on skin. Everyone is buying the products and smearing them on their skin. The products don't make any difference at all and yet the people buying them continue to buy them because they believe the things they see and hear on LED screens. Interestingly, the products that sell most are the most expensive smearing products that come out. Smear this and smear that. Maybe one day the smears will make a difference, but don't count on it. * Jam On. The three certainties? Death, taxes and Jeremy Morris. One of the most perpetually creative and credible underground recording artists out there, Morris has released yet another album entitled There Is Somebody Out There. On this album Morris and drummer Dave Dietrich present their takes on nine Pink Floyd compositions. Tackling Pink Floyd songs is a difficult task, but these two gentlemen meet and/or exceed expectations. Well-crafted recordings include "Breathe," "Wish You Were Here" and "Obscured By Clouds." It's always worth visiting the Jam website at JamRecordings.com. * Underground Music Rules. Pennsylvania-based band Six O'Matic has just released a new five song EP entitled Ascension Span (great title, there...). Quite different from most independent releases in the twenty-first century, this EP features dreamy moody instrumentals with cool floating audio qualities. And instead of sounding all digitally perfect and samey, the tracks on this EP have a nice warm analog sound that is strangely inviting. Six O'Matic is the one man band consisting of Sean O'Donnell. Five compelling tracks here including "Sit Calm," "Carousel" and "Ascension Span." Neat stuff. [continued below...]

* Ladies Prance Around Wearing Expensive Dresses. There was a big event recently that featured super famous women parading around in super expensive dresses. Everyone was oohing and aahing over the women like they were really something special. But the truth is that they were really just desperate egotistical nobodies prancing around like stuck up retards so that really stupid people would pay attention to them. At least that's what top experts said who were nearby evaluating the event. According to what the experts told us, if everyone ignored the super famous women they would all toss their dresses aside and go home and do nothing. And after all, isn't that the real beauty of being beautiful? Without others to receive the beauty the beauty does not really exist. * No More Sugar. There's no more sugar left. It's all gone. Experts disagree about where the sugar went, but everyone is in complete agreement that there is no more. And there won't be any more. Sugar is all gone. And there are rumors that in the very near future there won't be any honey either. * What Would It Be Like? So many folks out there wonder what it would be like. Would it be like this? Or would it be like that? We took the question to a leading team of specialists to get their take on the situation. Some suggested that it would be one way while others suggested that it would be another way. What would it be like? Everyone knows for sure and yet nobody wants to admit anything about anything. Only the future won't tell because there's no telling what the future won't be. What would it? That's the next question drifting out there on the horizon... * Dragon Rage. Fire-Breathing Dragons are super popular this year. They're cute. They're cuddly. And the fire that shoots from their mouth is ultra-NIFTY. It seems as if everyone is adopting these adorable little creatures. Are they expensive? No. Are they easy to take care of? Yes. Are they better than what is available? Certainly. Are they able to calculate statistics at a credible rate? This is debatable. Are they nifty? Of course. Are they thrifty? Not always. Do they prefer fried or grilled? Both. * The Best Society Is Johnny Society. We've been saying it for years so we'll say it again. One of the very best bands on the planet is Johnny Society. The band writes and records impossibly lovable pop/rock songs that are classic in nature and ultimately intelligent and very inspired. Kenny Siegal, Brian Geltner and Gwen Snyder Siegal play with determination and guts, and their music never comes across sounding pretentious or forced. We've yet to hear any Johnny Society album that isn't fantastic. Hope Machine, their newest, is yet another direct hit. Twelve songs presented with integrity and style. Wonderfully melodic tracks include "All Rise," "The World Isn't There," "This Is The Only Thing That Matters," "You Live Today" and "Hope Machine." We can't say enough good things about this band and their music. This is what great pop/rock music ought to sound like, if people made music for all the right reasons. Highly recommended. [continued below...]

* Handkerchiefs, handkerchiefs. Remember when a beautiful lady would purposely drop her handkerchief so that a nearby gentleman would pick it up and hand it to her? Those were innocent times, when people interacted with one another as if they were human beings. The trend has resurfaced, but now many of the women who drop their handkerchiefs find that they are quickly taken advantage of by opportunists wanting money or credit card numbers in order to have their handkerchiefs returned. So sad, so sad. Once upon a time romance was blossoming, alive and real. Unfortunately romance has now completely shriveled up and blown away and it will never come back another day. * There Is Always Something Wrong. Ever notice that things are always going wrong? Ever notice that things go wrong now more than they did a few years ago? Ever notice that when things go wrong there is nothing that can ever be done to make them right again? Ever notice that you are always walking on the wrong side of the street no matter which side you are on? Ever notice that songs sound wrong? Ever notice that everyone moves away from you whenever you get near them? Ever notice that life is all wrong all the time? Ever notice what you notice right when you notice it? Ever notice...? Ever...? * Underground Industrial Pop From Sweden. We recently received a cool independently-released EP from Sweden's Svaj. Folks who remember cool industrial pop/rock bands from the 1990s will find a lot to appreciate on this six song disc. Nice trippy electronics combine with precisely distant vocals to present tracks with a sound that is distant and appealing. Some great lyrics on this one. Five tracks penned by the band and an interesting take on John Cale's "Fear." Our favorite cuts include "Portent, "Machine" and "Clean." This EP includes a lyrics sheet so you follow along with each and every line. You can find more info on this unusual artist at SvajPeriod.com. Trippy smart stuff. * Would You Like Fries With That? A very popular question that has been asked for many decades is, "Would you like fries with that?" But there is never really any clear answer to the question, so our team of experts went into the field to find out the truth. The results may surprise you. 70% said they did not want fries. 10% said that did want fries. 5% did not know what fries were. 4% said they did not care one way or the other. 3% said they would prefer not to answer. Another 3% said they were ambivalent about food in general. Yet another 3% said they did not understand the question. The final 2% just rambled on about stuff that could not be understood or interpreted. Remember which percentage category you fit into and try to answer in the appropriate manner the next time you are presented with this most perplexing life-altering question. * [continued below...]

Why Do Boats Float?

Do you ever wonder why boats float...? At one time or another most of us have pondered this age-old question. Not surprisingly, the answer is quite simple. During the manufacturing process, the base element of a boat is injected with carbon dioxide and it is then allowed to mature for six months. After this six months period the boat is dipped into a mixture of vinegar and salt. Immediately afterward it is puffed all over with expensive face powder. When the face powder dries, small pieces of candy are adhered to the bottom of the boat (these rotate for flotation purposes). Six waitresses are invited to do little spider dances on top of the boat's helm while a group of merry gentlemen sing a ginger-bell song of resilience. When the song ends, a large pouring device slops hot chocolate and nuts all over everything and the boat quickly gobbles it all up. Then the boat goes to school and learns nothing, gets a job but forgets how to work . . . and then flops down in an adjustable chair and decides to give up on everything and everyone. And this is why boats float. See how simple it is? It is very simple. Now you know why boats float. If anyone has questions about anything else, feel free to let us know.

* The Greatest Songs Of All Time. If we had to pick two songs that are light years beyond the rest, they would both be by the super talented duo Michael McLoud and Jasmine Wayne-Wayne. These talented folks came up with two hit songs that will forever be embedded in the minds of listeners: "You Are The Love Of My Life" and "You Are The One That I Love." These impeccably-crafted songs feature intelligent lyrics and vocals that are always spot on. We particularly love the version of "You Are The One That I Love" that includes guest vocals by Barry Gibb (of The Bee Gees). * What Happened. Everyone wants to know what happened. Evidence has been presented that shows beyond a shadow of a doubt what really happened. This is what happened. It happened just now. It only happened for a few moments. Then it stopped happening. Authorities are predicting something else will happen very soon. * Doris Day Triple WOW. There's an album out on the Soundies label featuring some of the best Doris Day recordings we have ever heard. Entitled The Complete Standard Transcriptions, the album presents Ms. Day singing twenty-one classic tunes in 1952. Spontaneity is the key word here, as these recordings were probably recorded in one or two takes. The warmth and personality of this music is fantastic and far reaching. If you ever appreciated any Doris Day recordings, this is most likely the one you will end up loving the most. Incredible. * Silber Hits The Spot. Brian John Mitchell is one of the most consistently credible and creative people in the world of the underground. You can always find something interesting and real at silbermedia.bandcamp.com. Mitchell continues doing more than any one human being could possibly do. At the top of the list is a newly released album by mwvm entitled Technicals Dislunar. Featuring music is anything but conventional and predicating, this is yet another fascinating and stragely hallucinogenic album from this perplexing atmospheric band. Highly recommended. [continued below...]

Women are EATING.

One of our favorite pastimes is taking note of things that just about everyone takes for granted and then focusing intently on them for no particular reason for about five minutes. One thing we noticed just recently is that WOMEN ARE EATING. Don't believe it? Just go out there in the world and look around. It won't take long before you realize that what we are saying is true. Women eat. They eat and eat. They eat just about everywhere and they eat just about everything. Some of you may now be asking, "What do women eat ?" Fortunately we have answers for this question. We took over 75,000,000 photographs recently so that we could have proof of the edibles. Women eat pizza and pasta. They eat pears and pickles. Women eat ham and bologna. Women eat cheese, lettuce and capsules. But that's not all. We were also able to capture women eating furniture and thimbles. And those were just appetizers. Afterwards the women ate printers and lawnmowers and even staircases. If you don't believe it go out into the world and open your eyes. Open your eyes and you will see. Women are eating and they eat just about everything. Women eat wood. Women eat hats and hula hoops. Women eat toy trains and elephants. Women eat rugs and doors and curtains and iron. They eat computers and remote controls. They eat doves and helicopters and tunnels and clouds. Sometimes the women take a short break and eat nothing but the break is always very short and tiny because they quickly get hungry all over again. We have witnessed them eating benches and sleds and blankets and mirrors. We have also seen women eating shoes and drums and ink and fingernails. They eat most anything that is put in front of them because they are women and they are hungry. So they eat it all up. They eat it down. They eat rural and they eat downtown. The eat wide and they eat thin. They eat everything that isn't zipped in. The eat happy and they eat mean. They eat just about everything. You just never know what those women will eat next, but one thing is certain. They will keep eating forever and ever. Amen.